


Albion's Greatest Need

by Hanmort



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: After Camlann Merlin Big Bang, Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blood and Injury, Character Death, Comfort/Angst, Denial of Feelings, Forbidden Love, Hand Jobs, Hate Sex, Hate to Love, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Jealous Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Kidnapping, M/M, Magic Revealed, Military, Not Beta Read, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reincarnation, Resurrection, Secret Relationship, Smut, World War II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:08:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 44,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23464432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hanmort/pseuds/Hanmort
Summary: "He’s not coming back!"He's seen it all before: Britain has declared war on Germany but only it's 1939. He returns to Avalon expecting that Arthur will return, he doesn't. Pissed off, Merlin joins the British Army as a medic to help his nation.Merlin will endure gruelling military training, harrowing battles, deaths of those close to him and even torture.But with this new lease of life, he also experiences friendship both new and from the past, well kind of. And even romance? as he helps to save Britain (or Albion) with the once and future King.
Relationships: Gwen/Lancelot (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 52
Kudos: 145





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Re-watched Merlin. Still annoyed at the ending. Decide to write out this idea that popped into my head.  
> This is my first ever attempt to write a fanfic. Hope you enjoy!

ENGLAND: 03-SEP-1939

“This country is at war with Germany.” 

Merlin stared at the radio in shock and horror. The voice of the United Kingdom’s Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain resonated through his mind. 

_How can the world be at war again?_ Merlin thought. _We_ _have barely_ _recovered from the last World War._

Merlin placed his latest read, The Sword in the Stone by T.H.White, onto his desk. He decided to read the book a few days ago to see how accurate the fictional book was. It wasn’t accurate, at all. 

He glanced outside his office window. “Avalon” he whispered. It was bleak outside as though the weather was foreshadowing of what was to come. But it was still daylight and that meant one thing.

Merlin packed a bag of warm clothing and sustenance in a hasty manner. He was going to Avalon. 

*** 

Merlin arrived at the shores of Avalon an hour after his departure from his modest home. He exited his car and grabbed the bag. He slowly walked to the shoreline, his hands curling into fists, the closer he approached the shore. The wall that kept his emotions at bay started to crumble. His breath hitched when water from lake hit the top cap of his shoe, as though the water triggered a memory. Merlin glanced at his now shaking hands, in an attempt to distract himself of the memories that echoed at this tranquil place. 

_Breathe Merlin, breathe._ He inhaled through his nose and exhaled through his trembling mouth, eyes closed as he still tried to maintain his composure. This last for a couple of minutes, until his hands stopped shaking so violently. He opened is eyes and observed the lake. Ahead, in the distance, floated a piece of wood, it slightly resembled the boat that took his Arthur away all those years ago. The memories that his mind subconsciously forgot, burst back fresh in his mind.

 _“_ Thank you _.”_ The last words that Arthur ever spoke to him attacked his mind the most. His knees crashed into the dirt, his eyes stung as he tried to stop himself from crying, one tear managed to escape. Merlin was not allowed to be sad, he often reminded himself. It was _his_ fault that Arthur died, if only he stopped Morgana and Mordred, he would not be at Avalon in 1939, waiting for Arthur to return.

Merlin often turned to anger instead, especially at the Old Religion, it was said he was the most powerful sorcerer to have ever existed, but that was a lie, as his magic could not save Arthur when he was mortally wounded. Merlin rarely used his magic ever since. He was especially bitter when those fateful words from Kilgharrah were recalled. _"_ He will also rise again, when Albion’s need is greatest." 

_Ha, if he is to rise when Albion's need is greatest, then why did he not return just over two decades ago?_

That was the last time Merlin returned to Avalon, twenty-five years ago, when the Great War thrust the World into chaos. Merlin was positive that Arthur had to return in August 1914, when Britain declared war on Germany. But he didn't and as the war transpired, Merlin's hope of his arrival slowly slid away every time Merlin visited Avalon, with no-one present but his own company.

_He will return this time. He’s got to! Albion needs him, I need him._

A small chill brought Merlin back to the present, it was now dark. He pushed himself from the ground and wiped the dirt from his knees. He grabbed a blanket from the bag once he reached his car and cocooned himself with the blanket. His stomach grumbled when he picked up one of the sandwiches he'd prepared earlier on. Water droplets appeared on the front window of the car. Merlin glanced up, it began to spit.

"This is going to be long night." He mumbled as he continued to munch into his sandwich.

*** 

Merlin woke to the birds chirping and with a stiff neck.

_That's what you get when you sleep upright all night I suppose._

Merlin stumbled out of the car and stretched, purposely avoiding eye contact with the shoreline. He didn't want to go back to the shore to save the disappoint and heartbreak if Arthur was not there.

_Get a grip Merlin, this is not about you. This is about Arthur returning and helping Albion or England, fighting against the enemy and bringing back peace!_

Merlin drank a swig of water, before he reluctantly walked back to the shoreline. He inspected the sight before him. 

Nothing, nothing had changed since of Merlin's arrival, even the piece of wood was still there, floating in the lake. Arthur had not returned. 

_“_ God’s sake Arthur! Where are you _?”_ Merlin shouted, Merlin was slightly shocked with himself that it was anger he felt, not sadness or despair. He continued to look around him for a few minutes to double check that he hadn't missed anything, he hadn't.

 _Kilgharrah_ _you lied to me!_ Merlin mentally pictured Kilgaharrah's response, probably something pretentious. _Well where the hell is he then Kilgharrah?_

Merlin being stubborn, decided not to give up and roamed around the edge of the shoreline that he could not see clearly at a distance.

***

His feet began to ache four hours later from Merlin's continuous searching. Merlin finally admitted to himself that his search was to come up fruitless and walked back to his car. His hands were shaking when he returned to his car, but with anger. He wasted today and all those other times, waiting around for his friend to return all because _that dragon_ said he would. 

_Time that could have been used to help others instead._

He reclined into the seat of his car and slammed the door shut, as an outlet to his frustration. Merlin scrapped his hair back as he mulled through the day's events and figure out what to do next. 

"He’s not coming back, is he?” The reality of the situation hit him even more as he spoke those words aloud. 

“He’s not coming back.” He repeated to himself as he grabbed his car keys and inserted them into the car's lock cylinder.

“He’s not coming back!” He shouted which such venom, the ignition switched on, he pressed down on the acceleration, causing the car skid off.

 _Fuck this! I am going to join the Army!_


	2. Chapter Two

ENGLAND 05-SEP-1939 

Merlin woke up the next morning with a pounding headache. He looked at the empty bottle on his bedside table and groaned internally. 

_Maybe I should have laid off the gin, why did I do this to myself? Oh, I remember because Arthur could not be bothered to show up and apparently drinking a whole bottle of gin was the best way to deal with that._

It took Merlin a further five minutes to remove himself from his bed, after he contemplated if he still was seriously considering joining the British Army. When he convinced himself it was the right and good thing to do, he grabbed his dressing gown whilst he walked out of his bedroom and walked toward the bathroom. 

_Well don’t I look like shit!_

He stared at himself in the bathroom mirror, he hadn’t shaved for at least two days and stubble started to appear. He also noticed the dark circles under his eyes and his hair, which gave the impression that he had been dragged through a bush backwards. 

Twenty minutes later he had washed himself, shaved his face and brushed his hair. The bags under his eyes had also magically disappeared. He cupped his left hand over his mouth and breathed out. 

_I definitely need to brush my teeth too, at least twice._

When he was content that his mouth did not smell like a sewer, he returned to his bedroom and dressed into one of his smarter suits. He walked downstairs into his office and grabbed the forged passport and birth certificate. He grabbed a slice of day-old bread, smothered it with strawberry jam and inhaled it whilst he wandered to his car. 

_Next_ _destination_ _: Salisbury._

_***_

About two hours later, Merlin arrived at the city of Salisbury. In the distance he could see Salisbury Cathedral, he remembered when this city used to be called New Sarum and when construction was completed on the Cathedral. He even helped out with the masonry. 

_I have been on this Earth for too long and what a lonely time it has been._

He looked out for the signposts of the recruitment centre as a distraction, before his current mindset brought him into a state of sorrow. Once he found it, he joined the back of the queue. Merlin was slightly surprised on the sheer amount of young men that have also decided to sign up to the military, just after one day war was declared. It took about an hour for Merlin to be at front of the queue and stand in front of a gentlemen who wanted to be anywhere but there. 

“Name?” The man who asked Merlin the question was a Sergeant, about thirty-five years of age and was dressed in the basic British soldier uniform. He also looked as though he wanted to give up with his current task of endless, repetitive paperwork. 

“Merlin” 

“Surname?” the Sergeant sighed. 

“Oh right, it’s er Smith”. 

_Why did last’s night slightly intoxicated Merlin decide that Smith would be a good surname when forging those documents?_ _How original._

“Merlin Smith?” The man raised his right eyebrow, he didn’t quite believe Merlin’s answer. 

“Yep that’s me” Merlin beamed back at him. “I know, you think my parents would have chosen a different first name like John or Ja-” 

“Your age?” 

“I’m sorry?” 

“How old are you Mr Smith?” 

“Ah yes, I’m twenty-three years old I think”. Merlin guessed his physical appearance would be that of a twenty-three-year-old, he honestly could not recall how old he actually was. He gave up after a couple hundred of years. 

“You think?” 

“No, no I am definitely twenty-three years old. Look here’s all my identity documents to prove how old I am”. Merlin handed over the identity documents to the Sergeant. The Sergeant quickly glanced over the documents, content there was no foul play. 

“Right then Mr Smith, is there any particular corps you want to volunteer for?” 

“The Royal Army Medical Service. I would like to join as a combat medic”.

_Gaius would have been so proud that I decided to go back to my medical roots._

“Any particular reason as a medic? Previous qualifications or experience?” The Sergeant's stern voice brought Merlin back to the room.

“Let’s just say Sergeant that I have the healing touch” Merlin smirked to himself, the Sergeant raised his eyebrow again. “Oh, and I have had previous experience in assisting with medical procedures”. 

_Which was about over a millennium ago._

“If you would take a seat in the corner Mr Smith over there, a Medical Officer will be with you shortly to conduct your medical examination”. 

*** 

“Looks as though you are in perfect health Mr Smith” said the Medical Officer, after he auscultated Merlin’s chest. “You may button up your shirt and return to the Sergeant in the main hall”. 

His paperwork was stamped with an A1 symbol by the Medical Officer. Once he made himself decent again, he walked his way back to the Sergeant. 

“I’m back Sergeant” Merlin grinned.

“So it seems, and it appears there is nothing wrong with your health”. The result of the medical examination shocked the Sergeant, considering the individual in front of him was a lanky fellow and appeared to look slightly ill. 

A couple of minutes later, Merlin sworn his oath of allegiance to His Royal Highness, King George the sixth and to God. The Sergeant gave Merlin the King’s shilling. Merlin’s eyes widened slightly as he just realised the gravity of his actions. 

“What’s this?” Merlin asked timidly. 

“It is the King’s shilling, congratulations Mr Smith. You have successfully been recruited into the British Army”. Merlin received an aggressive pat on the back from the Sergeant, which nearly knocked Merlin over. 

_Crap! What have I done?_


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin goes through basic training to become a soldier and combat medic.

BOYCE BARRACKS, ENGLAND 06-SEP-1939

Merlin arrived at Boye barracks, near Aldershot, early in the afternoon. Beside him were other recruits, who were equally eager to serve their country as combat medics. He glanced around the camp, noticed that the camp was barren apart from the several metal huts that were dotted about and the obstacle course. It looked terrifying.

Eventually, the recruits were gathered into groups of twenty and ushered into one of those huts. Merlin, looked at the interior of the hut and observed the two-tier bunks, he chose the bunk furthest away from the entrance and dumped his civilian bag on the bottom bunk. He just had enough time to briefly introduce himself to those who would be sleeping around him before they were called up to line up outside.

They each received a metal knife, fork and spoon once they were outside. A Corporal marched them into the dining room hall. Merlin received a meal of potato, carrot and stringy meat for his evening meal. 

_ The food is not too bad I suppose. Maybe this whole soldier training won’t be so bad after all? _

***

Reveille was at 06:00 and Merlin struggled to wake up. He woke up instantly and jumped out his bed when one of the Corporals shouted in his face and called a useless bag of bones.

_ Maybe I take back what I said last night. I can’t remember that the last time I had to wake up this early and for an actual reason. _

He quickly shaved his face and dressed before filling up outside the metal hut and was marched back to the dining hut for breakfast. For breakfast he received a lumpy bowl of porridge. He sat down with some other recruits and that was when he knew his predicament.

_ Oh crap, I have forgotten my knife, fork and spoon. _

Merlin looked sheepishly around the hut trying to look for the nearest exit, so that he could sneak out and retrieve his utensils before anyone noticed. Unfortunately, someone did take notice that he hadn’t started to eat his breakfast.

“Oi, you  there ears.” It was the same Corporal who abruptly woke him up and did not look impressed at all when he approached Merlin.

_ Ears? How original. _

_ “ _ Yes Corporal?”

“Where is your knife, fork and spoon?”

“I left them back at my bunk, Corporal.” Merlin winced at his answer, he knew that some individuals in the military loved to punish others and this Corporal appeared to be one of them.

“Do you see any other  recruits without their KFS?”

“No, Corporal.” 

“No indeed.” A smirk appeared on the soldier's face. “You will use your hands instead recruit.”

“Pardon?” Merlin instantly regretted his reply to the Corporal. The Corporal looked as though his head  was about to burst.

“You will not talk back to me recruit! Now eat your breakfast with your hands.” Everyone in the dining hall stopped what they were doing and waited for Merlin.

Merlin reluctantly shoved his right hand into his porridge, scooped a small amount from the bowl and into his mouth. The Corporal appeared to be appeased.

“You will continue to use your hand until there is not a single bit of porridge left in that bowl, is that understood recruit?”

“Yes, Corporal.” Merlin said with a hint of sarcasm. 

_ Today is going to be  _ _ a long _ _ day. _

***

When breakfast had finished, they were taken to stores to retrieved their issued kit and battle dress uniforms. 

_ I clearly need to have the same  _ _ number _ _ of limbs on an octopus to carry all this! _

Somehow, Merlin managed to carry all of his kit back into his hut without dropping it. Which was a relief, as the Corporal took a shining to Merlin and was watching him closely to see if Merlin would mess up. The recruits were given five minutes to dress into their uniform before being taken to the barbers. All the recruit’s hair was being shaved down to a stubble.

Thirty minutes later, Merlin was outside of the barbers, with a new haircut, which he completely hated. 

_ Great, now my ears stick out even more!  _ He sighed internally as he saw the Corporal smirk at him.

***

Over the next few weeks, Merlin’s daily routine consisted of rifle drill, physical training, marching, lectures on being a combat medic and shouting, lots of shouting.

Today, Merlin had the pleasure of competing in a five-mile run, whilst it poured down in rain, caked in mud, with just a t-shirt, shorts and footwear. Halfway throughout the run, one of the recruits slipped and struggled to get back up straightaway. Merlin heard the commotion and ran back to help his fellow recruit.

“Oi bugs bunny!”

_ Oh, _ _ I actually haven’t heard that one before, someone’s been doing their research. _

A  red-faced Sergeant ran over to Merlin and the other recruit and poked Merlin in the chest.

“What the fuck are you doing recruit?”

“I am helping him Sergeant.” 

_ Because you know, it is the right thing to do. _

“And did I say that you could stop running when I gave the brief this morning?”

“No but I-”

“Do not talk back to me bugs bunny!” Merlin seriously thought the Sergeant was going to hit him there and then. “You are to report to my office at 1900 this evening in full battledress, is that understood?”

“Yes Sergeant.”

“And bugs bunny.” The Sergeant was starting to make Merlin nervous. 

“Yes Sergeant?”

“There better be nothing wrong with your battledress.”

***

At 19:00, Merlin reported outside to the Sergeant’s office. Before he left, one of the recruits took pity on him and quickly inspected him to ensure Merlin had everything that was required and nothing was out of place. Merlin stood to attention for about ten minutes until the Sergeant was done with his inspection.

“I am actually impressed bugs bunny, there is nothing I can pick you up with your uniform.” That remark made Merlin slightly smug, the Sergeant noticed that. “Right, we are now going to mark  time until I say otherwise, is that understood recruit Smith?”

_ Oh great, he knows my name now. That cannot be a good thing. _

“Yes Sergeant.”

_ *** _

Merlin did not return to his bunk until 20:00, he was covered in sweat and was tired, very. 

_ What kind of sadistic bastard makes  _ _ someone _ _ march on the spot for thirty minutes! _

Merlin had removed all of his webbing and started to remove his boots when the recruit that he helped earlier on approached his bunk.

“I am sorry that I got you into trouble earlier on mate.” Merlin smiled at him slightly and continued to remove his boots. “I’m Wilson, Wilson Johnson by the way.” Wilson held out his hand, Merlin stopped undressing and shook his hand.

“I’m Merlin, Merlin Smith.”

“Ha Merlin, do you mean Merlin, who was that wizard in the Arthurian legends? Who names their kid Merlin?” Merlin quirked an eyebrow at him, Wilson raised his hands up at him in surrender “No offense Merlin.” 

_ Wouldn’t you like to know  _ _ Wilson? _

“Er, a fan of the legends I suppose?” Wilson laughed at his answer and Merlin began to relax.

“Anyway Merlin, after you’ve finished do you fancy joining me and a couple other of the recruits for a game of cards?”

“ Sure, Wilson I would like that, let me grab a quick wash and I’ll be right over.”

***

Toward the end of their training, the recruits were issued two Mills fragmentation bombs. They were to practice grenade throwing that morning. Once everyone was issued two grenades, they tabbed across to the throwing ground. 

Only two recruits were to practice at a time down in the throwing bay, which meant a lot of waiting around and slowly freeze to death. The sun finally started to peek out from the clouds when Merlin and Wilson were called forward.

After they were briefed on how to use the grenade, Merlin grabbed his first grenade pulled off the pin threw it out into the open and ducked behind the sandbags. His second attempt came with quick succession. Wilson, on the other hand struggled, immensely. His hands were so numb from the cold, he pulled off the pin, the grenade then landed on ground. Between Merlin and Wilson. 

Merlin saw the ignition from the grenade. Without a second thought, his eyes flashed gold and time stood still. He snatched the grenade and flung it far away as possible from them. His eyes returned normal colour and time resumed itself. His chest felt tight, the adrenaline pumped throughout his body, he and Wilson nearly become seriously injured.

“Recruit Johnson! What the fuck are you waiting for?” Their Sergeant screamed at him. “Throw your second grenade, we have not got all day!” The whole incident seemed have thawed Wilson’s frozen hands and he had no issue with his second attempt. When they had both finished, they walked away from the sandbagged throwing bays. Merlin quickly glanced over the Wilson; Wilson just stared at Merlin in disbelief.

_ Shit! He knows. _

***

Later that evening, Merlin continued his evening routine and was reading his notes on the last lecture about combat medic. He was purposely avoiding his friend Wilson. Unable to fully concentrate on his reading material Merlin decided to retire to bed early. He grabbed his washbag and walked toward the entrance. Just after he walked out into the open, a hand forcefully grabbed his wrist. It was Wilson, he looked pissed and bewildered.

“Merlin, what the fuck was that back at the san-” Merlin shoved his hand over Wilson’s mouth.

“Shh, not here! Follow me, we need to talk somewhere more private.” He removed his hand, shrugged off Wilson’s hand and walked toward the dining hall, it would be empty now, Wilson followed him with haste.

“Right Merlin. What the fuck was that back at the sandbags.”

“What do you mean Wilson?” Merlin tried to play it innocent, he wanted Wilson to say it aloud before he would confess to anything.

“Oh, don’t play innocent with me mate. I know what I saw, that grenade hit the floor and was about to explode. We should be in hospital right now, being treated for shrapnel wounds.” 

“I-I-”

“Merlin, your eyes turned to gold! Bloody gold and next thing I know, the grenade that was meant to be next to us, had disappeared and explode in the open area in front of us. How is that possible?” Merlin gave Wilson a pained look.

_ He is going to think I am insane! Oh well, here goes nothing. _

“Well Merlin, any explanation today would be nice?” Merlin could tell Wilson’s patience was running thin.

“I have magic.” He whispered, avoiding eye contact with Wilson.

“Come on, seriously. I thought we were friends.” Wilson just ended up looking disappointed at Merlin, it almost broke his heart.

“You heard what I said.” He made the point to look at Wilson directly in the eye in attempt to show him that he was telling the truth. 

“Oh shite!” He looked directly into Merlin’s eyes and saw nothing but honesty. “You’re being serious”. He began to wander around in small circles and pulled his hair back in an attempt to absorb the information that Merlin just gave him. “But Merlin, that is impossible!”

Merlin looked at his surroundings, noticed that there was a small boulder a few steps away. He double checked that no-one else was nearby. He looked Wilson and nudged his head to the boulder. Merlin focused on the boulder, his eyes flashed gold again and made the boulder levitate only for a couple of seconds. He didn’t want to risk further exposure. Wilson stared at the boulder with amazement and then at Merlin.

“Shit Merlin! Oh shit!” At this point, Merlin expected Wilson to shout sorcerer at the top of his lungs or more realistically scramble away from him. Instead, Wilson took a step toward him and placed a hand on Merlin’s right shoulder. Merlin recoiled at first, he thought that Wilson was about to hurt him. “Merlin” He grabbed his other shoulder “Merlin, I am not going to hurt you.”

“Sorry, it’s just an  automatic response I suppose.” Merlin mumbled.

“It’s alright mate. Does anyone else know?”

“No, no-one does.”

_ Not anymore, anyway.  _

Merlin had such an anguished look on his face, Wilson pulled him into a hug. After a few seconds, Wilson released him from the hug and felt a bit awkward.

“Sorry Merlin, I thought you could have used a hug, to try and cheer you up.” Merlin beamed back at him after he heard that comment; he could not remember the last time someone reacted to his magic with such positivity. 

_ The last time someone discovered my magic, no I am not going to think about it. _

“Thanks Wilson, it really did cheer me up. I hardly use my magic anyway, unless it is absolutely necessary, like life or death situations.”

“Well I certainly appreciate it mate, it definitely saved us going into the hospital anyway.” Wilson chuckled. “And don’t worry Merlin, I am not going to tell anyone. I know that was what you were going to ask me next.”

“Yeah, thanks. Shall we go back to the huts? It is getting late and we have any early start tomorrow.”

“Sure Merlin. Before we go back. I have one more question, if that’s okay with you?”

“ Yes, Wilson ask away.”

“Have you been using your magic to make your biceps look bigger to try and impress the ladies?” 

“Oh, fuck off Wilson.” Merlin laughed and playfully punched Wilson on the arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tried to keep it factually accurate as possible in regards to basic training back in late 1930s.   
> KFS= knife, fork, spoon.  
> Mark time is part of drill where you basically stand on the stop and march continually with your thighs being parallel to the ground, it ain't fun.   
> Next chapter Merlin will see some familiar faces :)


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin goes to France as part of the British Expeditionary Force and meets some familiar faces.

ARRAS, FRANCE 21 MAY 1940 

_01 MAY 1940_

_My dear friend Merlin,_

_Hope this letter finds you well. I am currently sat in an empty house with several over men, somewhere in the middle of France, waiting for something to happen. I heard it the same on your side as well. Considering we are meant to be war with the Germans, there isn’t a lot going on. Well I can’t complain too much as this has given me ample opportunity to sample the local goods shall we say._

Merlin rolled his eyes at the last sentence, he had recently just received the latest letter from his friend Wilson. Wilson believed himself to be a lady's man and, whenever there was an opportunity to woo a lady, he would take it. Merlin, on the other hand, tried to avoid it as much as possible, despite Wilson’s persistence. 

_Anyway, you remember my good friend Gwen, the lovely lady that you met at the party during Christmas leave. Well I received a letter from her recently and she was asking about you. I think you might a chance with her mate, if you can wait that long, that is._

Merlin remembered the first time he met Gwen. It was at a Christmas party, organised by the local villagers where Wilson resided. Wilson invited Merlin to stay with him at his parents over Christmas when Merlin accidently revealed that he was to spend Christmas alone. Merlin declined at first, but Wilson insisted and Merlin finally gave in. 

Merlin was glad that he did, as the time he spent with Wilson over Christmas was the best time he had in a long time. It was at the Christmas party, Wilson played the part of being Merlin’s wingman, much to his dismay and there he saw Gwen. The sight of her face took his breath away. Wilson saw that as a sign Merlin was finally interested of someone. 

Merlin was breathless due to the uncanny resemblance of his Guinevere from Camelot. She was the spitting image of her, she had the exact same facial features and skin tone. She even sounded the same when she first spoke to him. 

“Guinevere!” Merlin started to rush towards her. His abrupt advancement startled her and she slowly backed away until she noticed how disheartened Merlin was. 

“No, my name is Gwen, just Gwen not short for anything else.” She saw the disappoint on his face but she continued to smile at him and held out her hand. 

“Sorry, you just look like someone that I used to know. The name is Merlin.” He gave a weak smile back and shook her hand. 

“Merlin, as in the bird Merlin?” That statement made Merlin laugh. 

_At least she didn’t compare me to being an old wizard._

_“_ Ha, maybe. My parents were avid bird watchers after all _.”_ After that, they hit it off immediately, asked each other what their interests were. Merlin found out that Gwen was a very charitable and helpful person and she often volunteered at the local hospital on her days off. 

_She’s so much_ _like_ _my Gwen, but I know it’s not her._

Merlin stopped himself being distracted on past events and continued to read the letter. 

_I think you should write to Gwen anyway. You never know, you might end up courting her or even marry her. Imagine that, you and Gwen having cute little babies that would have massive ears like you. But if you can’t wait that long I know a few ladies where I am that might take your fancy, don’t worry I haven’t been going to brothel, even I have some standards._

_Hope you get some action soon; God knows that the lads over here are getting restless and are itching for a fight. Stay safe and I await your reply, hopefully with a mention that you have either contacted Gwen or you used your ‘magic’ with the local ladies._

_Your dear friend,_

_Wilson._

Merlin snorted at the last remark. Each letter that Wilson sent had a sly mention about Merlin’s magic and every time Merlin reply was, he hadn’t used magic since the incident with the grenade. 

“Private Smith. You are wanted, chain of command are to give a brief in five minutes.” Merlin folded up his letter, placed it his pocket and followed the soldier. After Christmas leave, Merlin was assigned to the 8th battalion of the Durham light infantry (part of the 151st Brigade) as a combat medic. The battalion were part of the British Expeditionary Force and were tasked to assist the French against the Germans. 

When the brief finished, Merlin admitted that he felt very nervous. It would be the first time for him to participate in modern warfare, the last battle he fought in was Camlann and they definitely did not used rifles and tanks. 

_Relax Merlin, everything is going to be fine. The British and French are going to win this battle._

_***_

_“_ GET DOWN! _”_ Merlin was grabbed by a random infantryman and shoved in one of the craters that German mortar fire produced earlier in battle. Before the infantryman could jumped into the crater himself, Merlin saw gun-fire from a German machine gun shoot him in the right leg, he stumbled into the crater, on top of Merlin. 

_Shit! Shit! He’s been shot. Merlin, calm down, you need to treat him, think back to your medical training._

Merlin pushed the bloke away from him and onto his back, the soldier grunted. 

_Well at least I know he’s alive._

_“_ Hey, hey Private, my name is Merlin and I am going to treat you the best I can until back up arrives and they take you back to a medical aid station.” He scrambled through his medic Bergen, in search for a tourniquet and strong pain relief. “Mate, I am going to put a tourniquet above the injury and then give you something strong to help take the away, okay?” The infantryman just groaned back at him. He applied the tourniquet onto the infantryman’s right thigh, secured it and tightened with a stick until the infantryman began to show signs of struggling to tolerate it. 

“Right Private-” Merlin quickly glanced at the injured man’s dog tag. “Walker, I am going to give you a shot of morphine and then I'll radio for assistance so we can evacuate you to the battle aid station.” Merlin expected a groan or some sort of reply, there was none. He frantically shook the Private. “Private Walker, Walker! Can you hear me, I need you to speak to me so I know you areokay.” Still no reply, Merlin checked his carotid pulse. 

_He’s got a pulse, but it’s weak and thready._

Merlin glanced over Private Walker’s body, assessing for any other damage. Merlin felt Walker’s abdomen, his hand came back sticky and covered in blood. 

_Shit, he’s still bleeding. I thought he’d only been shot in the leg._

He snatched an abdominal wound dressing, packed the wound and applied pressure. With his free hand he was just able to reach to radio, he was going to need assistance and fast. 

“Mike 001 this is Mike 008 over.” 

“Mike 008, send over.” 

“I have a priority one, immediate, over.” 

“Mike 008 send your co-ordinates, over.” He glimpsed over at the Private, before he proceeded to check his map to find their co-ordinates. 

_He is so pale, wait why is he not breathing. He’s not breathing and I can’t feel a pulse!_

_“_ Mike 001, doesn’t matter he’s dead, out.” Merlin dropped the radio onto the ground next to him, crouched over the Private and wept silently. 

_Why, why did he have to die? I should have used my magic to save him. Why didn’t I use my magic?_

There was no reason. Merlin had not used his magic intentionally for hundreds of years, that he actually forgot he could use magic. The incident with Wilson was an anomaly, his magic only worked then as an act of self-preservation. If the grenade had of exploded, Wilson would have been seriously injured or worse dead and Merlin. Well Merlin would’ve only had minor injuries, as only weapons of magic could do true damage to Merlin and his magic could not have risked the potential of mass exposure. 

_No more, I will no longer hide like a coward, I will start to use my magic again for good._

Merlin removed himself from the Private and closed his eye lids. He re-positioned the body to a more dignified position and continued to triage and treat his patients once he removed himself from the crater. No-one else was going to die on his watch. 

*** 

It wasn’t until the 27th May 1940, that his battalion were on the move again. After the initial advancement from the Allied Forces at Arras, the German cut off the main road between the villages, which resulted in the 8th battalion at a standstill. However, on May 25th, they received the order to advance to Belgium, as there was a rumour of Belgium’s impending surrender. But, the battalion had to first extract itself from Le Bassee Canal and recapture a village north of the canal before they could march toward Belgium. 

They had been marching for two hours non-stop and Merlin was bone tired. He struggled to sleep ever since the Battle of Arras, every time he closed his eyes, he pictured Private Walker’s face. Merlin closed his eyes just for a second to let them rest, whilst still marching. 

“Woah there. Steady on. You nearly tripped over that rock; we can’t let the medic go man down now can we? Who would treat us then?” Merlin immediately opened his eyes in recognition of that voice. Merlin was gobsmacked, the infantryman next to him looked exactly like Lancelot, apart from the cam cream and buzz haircut. 

_Lancelot? Could it really be him?_

_“_ Lancelot?” 

“Not quite my friend, the name is Lance, or Private Blamore if we’re being official.” Merlin tried not to be disappointed again, like he did when first met Gwen. 

“Private Smith, or Merlin if we are being unofficial.” Lance grinned at the answer. 

“Ha, the pair of us sound like we’re from the Arthurian legends. You’d be the wizard and I would be one of the knights of the round table.” 

“Ha, yeah if only,” 

_If only you knew. Why are people showing up now who look and sound like those from Camelot but actually aren’t? This is weird._

_“_ How are you holding up anyway Merlin?” 

“To be honest, not great. I-I.” Merlin had to stop, he was on the verge of tears and did not want cry in-front of a stranger. 

“Hey, Merlin. Whatever it is, you can tell me. Sometimes it is good to talk about it, it might help you to feel better.” 

“Back at the Battle of Arras, the Luftwaffe had just started to attack us. I wasn’t paying attention and was about to be shot by a machine gun. When this random soldier pushed me into a crater by doing so, he saved me. In the process he got shot twice, once in leg and other in the abdomen. I started to treat him but I initially only noticed the gunshot wound to the leg.” 

“Merl-” 

“It’s my fault he died, if I paid attention to my surroundings or I saw his abdominal wound sooner then he would be alive. He died because of me.” 

“No Merlin, it is NOT your fault. You did the best you could, it is the enemy’s fault that he lies dead. Do not let his sacrifice be in vain by blaming yourself, it is not would he want.” 

“And how would you know about that Lance?” 

“Because Merlin, if I was in his shoes, that’s what I would be thinking.” 

*** 

“Stand to!” Noise and commotion woke Merlin up from his pitiful slumber. 

“Merlin, come on you need to get up now. The Germans are attacking us.” It was Lance, ever since Merlin confessed to Lance about what happened at Arras, Lance felt as though it was his duty to look out for Merlin and made sure he was okay. Merlin scrambled to put his webbing on, hoisted the medic Bergen onto his back and snatched his firearm. 

“Where are we going Lance?” The adrenaline could be heard when he spoke. 

“Enemy fire, at 12 o’clock and 500 metres ahead. We have been ordered to fire back and fortify that area, whilst the others start to make their escape back toward Dunkirk.” Merlin gulped heavily, he hadn’t needed to use his firearm yet and the idea of shooting someone dead, it unnerved him. 

“Don’t worry Merlin, you won’t have to shoot unless it is self-defence. They want you there for medic cover along with a few others.” Merlin smiled weakly back him; he wasn’t sure if was ready for another firefight. 

“Alright let’s go then.” 

*** 

Somehow, the Allied troops were able to repulse the German attack. Merlin and Lance were nearly at Dunkirk. It was when Merlin saw the east mole on Dunkirk beach in the distance, that Lance started to lag behind. Merlin slowed down his pace to be with his friend. 

“Hey Lance, you okay?” 

“Yeah Merlin, I am just really tired.” Merlin not fully convinced of his answer, continued to walk alongside Lance. 

*** 

“Medic!” Merlin scanned around to find who shouted for him. It was an infantryman who stood next to Lance, who was on the ground, unconscious. 

_The fuck Lance, you can’t be that tired._

Merlin quickly bandaged up the laceration on the patient in front of him and ran to Lance. 

“Thank you Private, I’ll take it from here, you go on ahead and queue up.” Merlin checked his vital signs. 

_Airway is maintained. Breathing is slightly erratic, pulse is weakening, skin pallor is pale. He is showing signs of bleeding not tiredness. But where is he bleeding from? Lance assured me he did not get injured the other day._

Merlin proceeded to pat down Lance’s body in attempt to find any wound which would indicate the bleeding. He discovered where the wound was, a shrapnel wound in his abdomen and the bleeding was internal. 

_Lance you stupid idiot. Why did not tell me! I bet this happened when a grenade went off nearby during the previous firefight and he just had to carry on, acting all noble. The bleeding is internal, he’s slowly bleeding to death and I have nothing on me to help him. I can’t let him die; I will NOT lose another patient!_

Merlin determined that his friend won’t die, he hooked his arms under Lance’s armpits and dragged him to a less visible area. He dragged Lance behind a boulder, which blocked any potential onlookers from the beach. He then scrolled through his mind of all the healing spells he had used in the past, there wasn’t a lot to choose from. 

_How ironic, that a medic does not know any healing spells and is crap at them as well._

The only spell Merlin could think of was the one he used when he attempted to heal Arthur’s back wound after he was shot by an arrow from a bandit. It didn’t work, but it was the only one he could remember vaguely. 

_Well here goes nothing._

“Þurhhæle dolgbenn.” His eyes flashed gold, unsure if the spell had worked, he checked Lance’s pulse for a few minutes. 

Lance’s pulse hadn’t weakened further, Merlin was shocked at the result. 

_It worked! But_ _he still_ _needs hospital treatment and fast._

Merlin mustered the remainder of all strength he had, fireman lifted Lance onto his back and shuttled toward the east mole on Dunkirk beach. 

*** 

It took several stops, but Merlin arrived at the rear of the queue to embark on HMS Calcutta. 

“Help! Can someone get me a stretcher and help me carry him to that ship.” An individual from back of the queue shot off in an attempt to help Merlin. It took the helper about five minutes, but he’d returned with a stretcher that Merlin so desperately needed. 

“Thank you, you grab his arms and I’ll grab his legs. On three we’ll lift him onto the stretcher. Okay?” The individual nodded in reply. “Right, one, two, three.” Lance groaned when placed onto the stretcher. 

_That’s an improvement at least._

“Stop you, there Private. What on earth do you think you are doing?” Merlin and other soldier were about to lift the stretcher and take Lance to the ship. 

“We are about to take this soldier to the front of the queue. He needs enhanced medical treatment as soon as possible.” The inquisitive man moved closer to Merlin. 

“That’s as soon as possible, Sir.” 

_Great just what I need, an officer to question what I’m doing. An arrogant one to top it off._

“Like I said, _Sir_ . He needs to get on board that ship. _Sir_.” Merlin could tell the way he said Sir irked the officer. 

“He doesn’t look that unwell that he can jump the queue.” It didn’t help that Lance continued to groan and his eyes were starting to flutter. 

“Trust me Sir, he is.” 

“Why, why should I trust you?” The comment provoked Merlin. 

_How dare he question my medical knowledge! Does he not see my RAMC flash or the red cross?!_

“Because Sir, I am a medic and I am telling you, he needs urgent medical treatment. Sir.” 

“Well I am ordering you to stop.” Merlin ignored the last remark, he glared at the other individual by the stretcher, who was ignored throughout the entire conversation. Merlin then looked at the stretcher, the soldier understood what Merlin’s intent was. 

“one, two , three.” Merlin mouthed and they lifted up the stretcher. They managed to move about five steps before the officer stopped in front of them, they almost dropped Lance onto the floor. 

“Private! Are you disobeying a direct order from an officer?” 

_God, what is this guy’s problem?_

“Yes, I am Sir, if it means that I am able to save his life. Consequences be damned.” The officer squared up to Merlin, he tried not to flinch. It was at that moment; Merlin’s fortunes had changed. 

“Lieutenant Kemp. What is this commotion?” Stood before them was a senior officer and was not amused. Lieutenant Kemp saluted his superior. 

“Sir, this Private was trying to take this man on board HMS Calcutta when I directly ordered him not to.” The junior officer sneered at Merlin. 

Merlin interjected. “Sir, with all due respect. This man has been gravely injured, I was able to stem the bleeding but I don’t know how long it will last and needs specialist treatment as soon as possible, Sir.” Merlin sneered back at him without making it too obvious. 

“Well I don’t see what the issue is Lieutenant Kemp, let the medic by on his way.” The senior officer began to walk away from the situation. 

“But Sir-” 

“Lieutenant Kemp, what I say is final, is that understood?” 

“Yes Sir.” Merlin smirked back at the Lieutenant and trudged toward the ship. 

_Ugh what a prat!_

*** 

Merlin managed to secure Lance a spot on HMS Calcutta when he spotted a familiar face. 

“Gwen? Gwen is that you? What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at home?” Gwen stopped tending to a soldier’s superficial head wound and marched over to Merlin, she did not appear to be happy.

“Oh, hello there Merlin. Why yes, I am here, as I have as much right as anyone else to help our countrymen who put their lives at risk.” 

“No, Gwen I mean what are you doing here, on this ship?” Gwen immediately felt sheepish.

“Oh, sorry Merlin. I suppose I got a bit carried away.” Merlin smiled at her as an acceptance to her apology. “Well to be honest I was a bit inspired by yourself and Wilson, helping those who are injured. So, a few weeks after you and Wilson departed for France, I signed up to QAIMNS and because I have had previous experience in the medical profession, I required little training and now I am here.” 

“Gwen, that’s amazing and so brave of you.” Gwen blushed at the response. 

“Well I want to do my bit. I cannot just stay at home and do nothing!” She peered over to the solider Merlin was treating. “Who’s this?” Merlin saw Gwen absorb Lance in with her eyes.

 _Is she ogling him? Gwen you vixen._

_“_ Gwen, this Private Blamore, or to his friends, Lance.” 

“Blamore.” Gwen whispered. 

“Why Gwen, are you ogling my patient?” 

“No! No absolutely not. That would be improper.” Gwen flustered. At that moment, Lance’s eyes fluttered open and he briefly gazed at Gwen, as though she was the most beautiful specimen he’d ever seen. 

“Gwen.” He murmured and drifted back into unconsciousness. 

_Guess I’ll be writing that letter back to Wilson, telling him that Gwen has found someone else._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RAMC- Royal Army Medical Corps 
> 
> Kemp- Derived from Middle English ‘Kempe’ meaning “champion, warrior”. Maybe the surname of the Lieutenant kind of hints who it is ;) 
> 
> QAIMNS- Queen Alexandra Imperial Military Nursing Service. This was before Army Medical Services (AMS) underwent re-organisation and is now known as Queen Alexandra’s Royal Army Nursing Corps (QARANC) since 1949. 
> 
> Moles- these were half-mile long breakwater wall that acted as make shift docks since the docks on Dunkirk beaches were destroyed. 
> 
> Apologies if anything is historically incorrect, I did a bit of research and tried me best :)


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin joins the commandos and sees a particular officer from Dunkirk

CAMBERLEY, ENGLAND 30-JUN-1940 

“You are to report to AMS HQ at 09:00 tomorrow morning Private Smith.” 

The last sentence of the telephone call he received yesterday, relayed in Merlin’s head. He now stood outside the main entrance of the Army Medical Services Headquarters. Merlin admitted he was slightly confused as to why it was requested for him to be at Headquarters. He was waiting for his new posting orders since British Expeditionary Force was to be made redundant. Merlin walked through the entrance and reported to the front desk. 

"Private Smith, I have an appointment at 09:00." 

"Please take a seat Private Smith." Merlin removed his headdress and sat down as directed. 

Five minutes later, a Staff Sergeant approached him ."Private Smith, if you would follow me." Merlin marched up to the door that the Staff Sergeant led him to and stood to attention whilst the Staff Sergeant saluted his superior. "Sir!" The Staff Sergeant shouted. "Private Smith for you, Sir!" 

"Yes thank you Staff, you may go now." 

"Sir." The Staff Sergeant saluted again and marched away, which left Merlin stood to attention and felt slightly awkward about the situation. 

"Private Smith, please come in." He somewhat disgruntled. 

"Sorry Sir." Merlin rushed forward and sat down on the door his superior suggested to him. 

"How are you finding military so far Private?" 

"Er very good Sir. I can't complain, Sir." Merlin knew to be careful when he spoke to his superiors. 

_Why is he asking me these questions? I didn’t come down here for a 'catch up'._

"There is a reason why I have called you in here today Private Smith." Merlin nodded at his superior. "First of all, you are now promoted to the rank of Lance Corporal." 

Merlin was gobsmacked, he'd been the military less than a year and was already being promoted. "Sir?" 

"You are to be promoted due to the bravery and initiative that was shown whilst in Arras and Dunkirk." 

"Thank you Sir." Merlin didn't know what else to say, he was still in slight shock from the announcement.

"And with a promotion, comes a new assignment order." 

_Ah, so there is a catch. Nothing is ever simple in the military._

"Are you aware of the announcement that the Prime Minister, Winston Churchill, has made recently?" His superior asked. 

"I am not aware Sir." 

"The Prime Minister has requested that a force, to be created which would carry out raids against German-occupied Europe. This task force are to be known as Commandos." The officer took a sip from his water. "And they are looking for volunteers to be part of that force. I would like you Smith, to volunteer." 

"Me, Sir?" Merlin was almost left speechless. 

"Yes you, they will need medics on the new task force, especially those with a particular mindset and attributes. Which you have." Merlin mulled over what the officer said for a couple of minutes. 

"Are you telling me to volunteer Sir?" 

"No I am not, but it would be such a waste of talent if you did not volunteer." 

"Okay Sir, I'll do it." 

***

Merlin reported to a barrack which was somewhere nearby Plymouth, the day after he'd been promoted. Merlin was shown to his quarters by non-other than a Private infantryman, who introduced himself as Gwaine.

_This is getting old now, why does this keep happening now?_

Gwaine helped Merlin carry his belongs across the barracks, into their quarters, there was one bed space left and it was directly above Gwaine's.

"Looks like we're gonna be bunk buddies as well. Hope you don’t snore too loud." 

Merlin scoffed. "I do not snore Gwaine."

"Sure you don't Merlin." Gwaine winked back at him and ruffled Merlin's hair.

_This guy is exactly like Gwaine, more so than Lance was like Lancelot. It might actually be Gwaine and he's just messing with me! Well here goes nothing._

_"_ Hey Gwaine, can I ask you a serious question?" Merlin asked nervously. 

"Sure thing bud, fire away."

"Do you remember how we first met?" Merlin crossed his fingers mentally.

"Merlin, we met just about five minutes ago when you asked for directions of our quarters." Gwaine replied. "Merlin, are you alright? Did you hit your head when I wasn't looking?"

"No, no Gwaine. I'm fine." Merlin faked laughed to appease his new companion. "It doesn't matter. Hey, how about we go for a quick run and the loser owes the winner a pint. I saw a pub not too fair from here."

"Merlin, are you trying to win my affections? Cos it's working and your on! Let's get changed all I'll meet you outside in a couple minutes, deal?" 

"Deal."

***

Much to Gwaine's shock and disbelief, Merlin managed to beat Gwaine in the race, by a full minute.

"Merlin" Gwaine panted. "You sure don't look it, but by God you are quick."

"Why thank you Gwaine. Why do you think I mentioned the bet in the first place?" Merlin smirked at him.

"Ah you cheeky sod" Gwaine grabbed Merlin and locked his head between his left arm and armpit "But a bet is a bet, and you did win." Gwaine then rubbed Merlin's head with his knuckle in jest. "How we grab a quick shower and then we can walk to that local pub?"

"Yeah sounds great." Merlin smiled and managed to escape from Gwaine's grasp when-

"You are not to leave camp!" Merlin and Gwaine struggled to understand what the individual said.

_Gosh, this guy has got very good hearing._

"Sorry we didn't hear you." Merlin replied. The individual appeared to be annoyed with his answer and stomped toward them. The individual was about to reprimand them for not addressing him properly when he realised who he was about to punish for disrespecting their superiors.

"It's you!" He shouted as he pointed at Merlin.

"Me?" Merlin pointed at himself in confusion, he didn't recognise who the individual was at first.

"Yes, you were that the insubordinate Private back at Dunkirk! I would recognise those ears anywhere." 

_Oh God ,not this prick. Please don’t tell me he's been assigned to Three Commando and my ears are not that big!_

_"_ And I take it you're the officer who tried to stop me from saving that man's life, _Sir"._ Merlin saw Gwaine flinch. "He survived by the way, no thanks to you, Sir." Gwaine glared at Merlin in attempt to give Merlin a hint that he needed to stop talking, it didn't work. "And I am a Lance Corporal now Sir." It was when Merlin finished speaking, that he actually stopped and properly looked at the officer.

_No, no, no, no, no, n-_

"ARTHUR!?" Merlin subconsciously moved toward the officer, who disguised himself as his deceased best friend.

"It is Captain Kemp to you Corporal!" Merlin froze, clearly this was not the same Arthur that he knew. His heart broke, he could accept that Gwen, Lance and Gwaine did not remember him. But Arthur, his best friend, not recognising his Merlin, it was too much to bear.

_Fate is playing some cruel, twisted joke with me right now!_

Merlin wanted to cry, so badly, but he knew that this impostor who called himself Arthur, would punish him for it. He could feel the tears sting his eyes, he looked away from the officer a moment and quickly wiped the tear that rolled down his cheek. His emotions rapidly turned to anger.

 _How dare he! How dare this guy have the same sandy hair, the same blue eyes, the same everything! This is not fair! He is not my Arthur. Why does he half to look like him? It hurts too much. I have to go, I can't breathe properly._

Merlin ran away, he didn't care where, but he needed to get away from that officer. "Where is he going?" Captain Kemp asked, Gwaine shrugged back.

"I don't know Sir."

"Well, could you find him for me Private and tell him to report to my office."

"Yes Sir." Gwaine braced up as the officer walked away from him.

***

"Merlin!" Gwaine hissed. "Merlin, where the devil are you?" Gwaine frantically searched around the camp in search for his new friend. "Merlin, come'on you need to report to that officer as soon as possible, you're in enough trouble as it is." 

There was no reply and Merlin still could not be found. 

The only place Gwaine could think of was the pub that Merlin mentioned earlier on. "You better not be at that pub Merlin." Gwaine whispered. Gwaine quickly checked his immediate surroundings. No-one was nearby and Gwaine proceeded to sneak off camp to find his friend Merlin.

***

Gwaine's hunch, unfortunately was correct, when he entered the pub, sat in the corner was Merlin, with a pint and looked miserable as hell. "Merlin, what the hell are you doing here?" Merlin lifted his head up when he heard his name.

"Having a drink. What does it look like Gwaine?" Merlin mumbled.

"Very funny Merlin, but seriously we got to go. Captain Kemp wants you to report to his office now. How much have you had to drink anyway?"

"This is only my second one Gwaine. Don't worry I'm not drunk."

_How ironic, Arthur always use to complain that I'd sneak off to the tavern and here I am, at a tavern._ Merlin mused to himself.

"I'm sorry Gwaine, if I have got you into trouble. I had to get away from him."

"But why Merlin? Is it because of how he treated you back at Dunkirk?"

"Becau-" Merlin stopped and composed himself before he dared to continue. "Because looks exactly like my best friend, who's dead and seeing that Captain Kemp. It just really got to me, you know, I had to get away." Gwaine noticed how Merlin's voice cracked when he mentioned the officer. "Gwaine, he even has the same name as him. What I am to do?"

"I don't know Merlin, but we really do have to go back to camp. I can't imagine what Kemp has in-store for you."

Merlin took another swig of his pint and sighed. "Okay Gwaine, let's go."

***

Merlin now stood outside Captain Kemp's office, still in his sweaty running gear, this was not going to end well.

"Enter Corporal Smith." He entered the office and braced up the Captain in front of him. It took all his strength, to not be affected when he looked at the impostor. "Do you know why you're here Smith?"

"Because I ran away Sir."

"Yes, correct because you ran away, when I wasn't finished talking to you." Merlin counted to five mentally so that his voice wouldn't waiver of any emotion.

"I am sorry Sir, it won't happen again Sir."

"That indeed and as punishment you are to clean the ablutions this weekend and are not to leave camp. Is that understood Corporal?"

"Yes Sir." Arthur leaned forward, he could smell something strange. 

"Is that alcohol I can smell on your breath Smith?"

"Er, yes Sir."

"Right, for your insubordination and ignoring a direct order from an officer. You are also to pick up every single leaf that is on camp throughout the weekend and if I find any when I return at 06:30 on Monday morning, there will be consequences. Is that understood?"

"Yes. Sir." Merlin seethed through his teeth.

_Ugh, what a clotpole!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lance Corporals are addressed as Corporals when spoken to.  
> Hope you enjoyed, next chapter shall contain more Arthur and Merlin interaction.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and co. are about to participate in their first raid. Arthur has doubts and Merlin tries to help.

GUERNSEY 14-JUL-1940

It was 18:15 and HMS Saladin alongside with HMS Scimitar had just departed from UK's shores toward Guernsey. On board HMS Saladin was the No.3 Commando unit. Tonight, they were to conduct a raid on the German-occupied Channel island. The raid was known as Operation Ambassador and it was the first Operation for the newly formed unit. Merlin was jittery and so was everyone else that Merlin could see nearby, this was a different type of warfare and they've had little preparation for it.

Merlin, along with thirty-nine other men, were to create a diversion, whilst other soldiers from 11 Independent Company planned to attack the airfield. And the officer in charge of leading the diversion was none other Captain Prat, as Merlin liked to call him, behind his back. Merlin wasn't stupid to say it to his face and the past couple of weeks, Merlin quickly learnt not to talk back to the Captain, ever.

Fortunately, Gwaine was also part of the diversion team and was sat next to Merlin, trying to convince Merlin to play a game of cards with him. But Merlin was too distracted, he kept on staring at the corner opposite him and sat there was Arthur, by himself. Merlin felt somewhat sorry for him, as tonight, Arthur was to lead the first raid by the No.3 Commando on his own. Arthur had asked permission for his closest friend and fellow Officer Lieutenant Leon Triggs to join the raid, but his request was denied by their superiors. Which left Arthur with full responsibility of the diversion force. Merlin noticed the subtle facial expressions and movements, which indicated that Arthur was apprehensive about the Operation. Arthur flung a pencil across the room in frustration, Gwaine glanced at Merlin.

Merlin sighed and removed himself from his friend and stoop up. "Merlin, where are you going?" Gwaine looked up to him in confusion.

"I'm going to talk to our Captain, he looks as though he's about to have a mental breakdown." Merlin nudged his head at their Captain.

"Merlin, are you mad? No offence, but you two do not have a good track record."

"I know, but I think a chat will help distract him and I am trying to be civil with him now, he's just another person."

"Yeah, a person who's your superior and can make your life a living hell. Just be careful what you say alright?"

"Sure Gwaine, I'll be careful. I always am."

"Yeah, that's what I'm worried about." Gwaine muttered to himself.

Merlin walked across the room, picked up the pencil along the way and sat beside the officer without being too close, he didn't want to overstep his boundaries.

"Sir, I think this belongs to you?" Merlin gestured the pencil to Arthur.

"Thanks." Arthur mumbled and continued to ignore the bloke sat near him. 

"Sir, I hope I'm not overstepping here. But are you okay Sir?" Merlin looked at his superior, Arthur appeared to be angry, at first when Merlin dared to ask him such a question. But then, his facial expression quickly turned to worry.

"Why would you care Smith?"

"Because Sir, I am a medic and it's my job to care. But also you look like you need someone to talk to."

"And you think that someone is you?"

"I can be, if you want Sir?" Merlin tilted his head slightly.

Arthur exhaled through is nose slowly, in order to maintain composure. "I am just worried about this Operation that's all. None of us have done anything like this and I am worried that it is going to be a complete failure. And, I hate failing, none of my Officer training could have prepared me for this." Arthur gestured to the room. Merlin listened, whilst Arthur continued to rant aloud.

"I'm sorry Smith, this is completely inappropriate and I doubt this is helping any nerves your feeling right now." Merlin smiled gently Arthur.

_Guess this Arthur can be human after all and not be a complete prat._

_"_ Don't worry about it Sir, like I said, I'm here to listen." Merlin placed a hand on Arthur's shoulder, to comfort him.

Arthur shrugged the hand off with disgust. "That Corporal, is inappropriate. You should return to your station before you continue to overstep and throw this in the bin will you?." Arthur handed Merlin over a scrunched piece of paper.

_On second thoughts, I take that back._

"Yes Sir." 

Merlin sat back down next Gwaine. "So how did it go Merlin?"

"You were right Gwaine. I don't know why I even bother."

"I'm always right Merlin." Gwaine winked at him which made Merlin chuckle slightly. "Anyway, how about a game of cards? you still owe me."

"Yeah sure, why don't you start dealing." Merlin unravelled the piece of paper whilst Gwaine prepared the game. Merlin's jaw nearly dropped to the floor when he saw what was on the paper.

_That's the Excalibur he's drawn!_

***

They landed at a beach on Telegraph bay at 00:50 and that's when it went wrong. No.3 Commando were the only force that managed to land successfully on Guernsey. Still, they continued on with the mission and started to locate for any Germans. 

The unit reached the garrison that was meant occupy over four hundred German troops, well that's what the recce had reported a few days earlier. The report must have been wrong because the German barracks was empty.

"Well this was a waste of time. I could have been sleeping instead." Gwaine whispered to Merlin. Merlin was about to snicker when Arthur scowled at them with 'shut the fuck up' eyes. The decision was then made to knock a loose garden wall to make a small road block, Merlin and Gwaine had the pleasure to complete that task.

But there was still no sight of the German troops. With reluctance, the decision to quietly retreat was reached. Merlin quickly glanced over to Arthur, he could already see the disappoint in his face. They patrolled back to the landing beach, only to discover that their boats weren't among the rocks. The high tide was not accounted for and the raiders to had swim about a hundred metres to reach their boats.

The raid was a complete failure and even though it wasn't Arthur's fault, he still took it personally. Merlin didn't even attempt to comfort and reassure his superior, he learned his lesson last time, even if Arthur did look like a drowned rat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triggs- surname names true, loyal.  
> Stark- surname means rigid and strong in old English (this is to be Gwaine's surname)  
> Again, tried to keep this true to facts as possible in regards to Operation AMBASSADOR.  
> After Merlin met Arthur, Merlin is no longer phased when he meets other people from his past (like Leon). He's also slowly starting to accept that this Arthur isn't the same Arthur and is trying to be civil with him, even if isn't always returned.  
> Thank you for the kudos so far :)


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a filler chapter before it all kicks off with Merlin and Arthur.

ENGLAND 20-JUL-1940 

When the unit returned from their disastrous mission, everyone was given a leave of absence over the weekend. Merlin decided to spend his free time back his modest home. Although he was a little bit tempted from Gwaine's offer, which was spending it at a local pub and get merry. Alas, Merlin had a couple of errands to complete at his abode. 

_I have a feeling that this Gwaine is going to be a bad influence on me, no change from Camelot's Gwaine then._

"Tospringe." Eyes flashed gold and the door to his house unlocked. Merlin smiled weakly to himself, he became less afraid to use his magic since it resulted in Lance's survival and Merlin began to use it again for little things like opening doors. 

He chucked his weekend bag onto the sofa and waltzed into his study, he needed to write a letter to Wilson desperately, so much had happened in the past couple of months. The study was dark and electricity couldn't be used as a form of light. Merlin scrounged around for some candles, haphazardly in his study. "Leohtbora." He set the candles alight and placed them onto his desk, the chair creaked as he sat down, he pulled out his writing paper from one of the drawers and began to write. 

20-JUL-1940 

_My dearest Wilson,_

_I hope you are well and safe. Well, you got what you asked for! The fighting seems to be non-stop, not that you would be complaining. You just want to get some medals so you can show them off and try to impress the ladies. I apologise for the delay of replying to your last letter, but it has been a hectic couple of months._

_First of all, I have been promoted to Lance Corporal, I know was just as shocked. They awarded it me due to my bravery and initiative that was shown whilst at Arras and Dunkirk. Wilson, the battle of Arras, it was awful, I have never seen such unmerciful and callous death right before my eyes. Nothing in our medic training would have ever prepared me for that. But I have vowed that I will use all my power to prevent that from happening again, which is why I have returned home to collect my books so I am able to use my 'magic again'._

_Also, speaking of Dunkirk, I had to deal with a prat of an officer, who tried to stop me from evacuating a patient onto a ship. Anyway, it didn't work and he's alive but still recovering, I don't think he shall return as any infantryman for a long time, I may have used my 'magic' to save him. You can also stop trying to set me up with Gwen as she is now enamoured with an infantryman called Lance, he was that patient at Dunkirk and they met on that ship._

_I have been transferred to another unit, the No.3 Commandos. Yes, the Commandos, I can imagine you right now laughing since the Commandos are meant to be this elite force and I exactly don't look like elite material. But one of the officers back at Camberley advised that I volunteered when the announcement was first made. I don't mind it too much with the Commandos, I have also made a new friend called Gwaine. Don't worry, he won't replace you. He's also a bad influence like you, trying to get me to gamble, go out drinking and woo the ladies. It's a good job you two aren't together, otherwise it would be carnage._

_Another advantage being with No.3 Commandos is that they are based near Plymouth, which isn't too far from where your parent's reside. This could mean we might meet up in person soon. The only downside with this posting is that a certain officer is also here. Yes, I am talking about that prat back at Dunkirk. His name is Arthur Kemp and he's also my chain of command. It doesn't help that he reminds me of a close friend who's passed away._ _I have tried to be civil with him but it seems like his officer training did not seem to cover manners or being a decent human being!_ _We have also been on our first raid, let's just say the outcome wasn't what we expected._

_Sorry I shall stop complaining now. Please stay safe my good friend and I don't just mean with the fighting, make sure you are being careful and using protection. I shall await for your timely reply._

_Yours,_

_Merlin._

Merlin scanned through the letter before he sealed it in an envelope, to check for any spelling errors. The last time he spelled something wrong, Wilson teased him for it relentlessly when he wrote back. He read over the lines where he called an officer a prat. 

_Am I allowed to write that? I mean, what I am writing is the truth. But there are rumours that all letters go through censorship. Meh, who cares. It's not like I haven't been done for insubordination before anyway._

Merlin suddenly felt exhausted and retired to his bed for the night. 

*** 

Merlin woke up next day and felt completely rested. He stretched slowly whilst he looked at his watch that was placed on his oak bedside table. It was noon, Merlin panicked and scrambled out of bed, when he realised that he wasn't in Plymouth but back in his abode. He sighed and relaxed back into his bed, he would have leave his house mid-afternoon if he were to make it to barracks in time before curfew. 

But first he needed to find his books, more specifically his books about magic, the ones where healing spells were mentioned. If he was going to be best medic he endeavoured to be, he needed to locate those spells and learn them, quickly. The books were found tucked behind by Merlin's recent reads, it was obvious the books had been neglected. Merlin wiped away years of dust from the books and began to skim each of the books. 

An hour later content that he located all the healing and some other handy spells, he grabbed an unused forgettable pocket journal. "Write þás gelicnesse ond afæstne þa þæm clute þa." All the spells he wanted near his person were copied across into the journal. He left his study and proceeded to pack his bag for extra civilian clothing before he departed back toward Plymouth. 

He strolled out of his house with his bag, double checked his right inner pocket that he had his journal. Content, he locked the door with a quick spell. Before he entered his car, Merlin noticed that the grass and flowers were dry and started to wilt "tídrénas." The sky turned grey with clouds full of rain, Merlin scrambled into the car before he got soaked. 


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few months down the line, Gwaine and Merlin endure gruelling training without trying to catch attention from a certain Captain Prat. Gwaine convinces Merlin to go out drinking and there's a development between Arthur and Merlin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First attempt of writing smut ahead (toward the end) so NSFW guys. Thank you for the kudos so far.

PLYMOUTH, ENGLAND 28-NOV-1940

"Up!" Merlin's body shook as he struggled to sit up. "Down!" He wanted to collapse straight back down but was unable to as his arms were interlocked other soldiers in today's gruelling physical training session. Gwaine was one of those interlocked to Merlin and laid beside him, he could tell Merlin was struggling immensely in performing the sit ups. 

"Keep going Merlin." He whispered, "we should be nearly done now." Merlin gave him a pained look, he wanted to give up desperately, but he didn't want to give Captain Prat the satisfaction. Merlin's muscles always seemed to ache a lot more when Arthur led a physical training session. This session was the worst one so far, apparently this session would not just improve their core but also their ability to work as a team, according to Arthur. Merlin thought Arthur just enjoyed torturing others instead.

"Up!" Arthur continued to shout his commands.

"Gwaine." Merlin whispered back to him. "I can't sit up! My body won't let me," Merlin looked at Gwaine with horror. He still laid on the floor whilst everyone wa nearly in the dit up formation.

"Yes, you can Merlin." Gwaine grimaced, he quickly glanced at Arthur. "You've got to."

"Corporal Smith! Private Stark!" Both Merlin and Gwaine froze, it was a big mistake to speak during his physical training sessions. 

"Yes Sir." They both replied. 

"Remove yourselves from the line and form up here." Arthur pointed at the ground a few paces in front him. Merlin and Gwaine gave each other a look before they marched up to their superior and braced up to him. Arthur didn't give them the opportunity to explain. "Lay face down on the ground." They both scrambled onto the floor, Gwaine faced the floor, Merlin looked up Arthur as he waited for further instructions. "I said Smith" Arthur grabbed the back of Merlin's head "face down into the ground!" And he shoved Merlin's head into the ground with such aggression he nearly got whiplash.

_What a fucking dick! Is he trying to give me a head injury?_

"You are both to do press ups continuously until one who gives in first." Arthur glared at Merlin, as though he knew the outcome already. "The loser will then be reprimanded further for having the nerve to talk during my session." Merlin knew it was to be him to receive further punishment. Gwaine was stronger and had more physical endurance in comparison to Merlin. Merlin knew that Arthur was doing this on purpose, that Arthur had a vendetta against him and it was personal. 

Gwaine glanced at Merlin. "Sorry." He mouthed.

"Stand by, go!" Merlin and Gwaine proceeded to perform press ups, as their superior requested. Merlin managed to complete about seventy press ups before his arms started to tremble and his muscles burn from overuse. Merlin collapsed into the ground after the seventy-eighth press up. He peered over to Gwaine, he was still doing press up after press up without any struggle.

"Corporal Smith, what a surprise. How did you manage to pass basic training?" Arthur sneered at him, Merlin didn't dignify him with a reply. "Get up the both of you!" They both sprung back up, Arthur walked up to Gwaine. "Private Stark, I take it you have learned your lesson?" Gwaine replied with a nod, Arthur gestured for Gwaine to return back in line. "And you, Corporal Smith." Arthur tapped his fingers on his chin, contemplating Merlin's punishment, a somewhat sinister smile formed once he'd decided.

"Since you still need to learn your lesson, when we have finished this session, you are to run the entire parameter of this camp."

_But that's ten miles!_

"Yes Sir." Merlin bit back at Arthur, he so badly wanted to wipe of the smug look on Arthur's face.

***

Merlin finally returned to their quarters, covered in sweat and exhausted. He thought his legs were going to give way half way through the ten mile run. Gwaine saw him and tried not to laugh at him when Merlin dramatically collapsed onto his bed, Merlin saw him smirk. "It's not funny Gwaine!" 

"I'm sorry Merlin." Merlin folded his arms, pretending to be in a mood with is friend. "Oh, stop being so dramatic, you're almost as bad as the Princess." Merlin tried his best not to cringe. Recently, Gwaine started to call their superior Princess. Merlin felt both twinges of joy and sadness every time Gwaine mentioned that nickname. The nickname came to Gwaine in a dream randomly one night, he couldn't even remember what he dreamed about, but it stuck ever since. Merlin preferred to call their Captain a prat or clotpole instead.

"I'm not being dramatic Gwaine. I am just exhausted." Merlin groaned as pushed himself off his bed, and rummaged through his personal affects to find his towel and soap. "Thank God it is Friday, at least we don't have any more physical training over the weekend, I'll need the whole weekend to recover." Merlin whined. 

Merlin and several others had their theories about why training overall intensified, massively. Merlin's theory was preparation for future raids so they would not be a laughing stock, which happened after their first mission. Or another theory he believed was that Arthur just simply hated him and wanted to make his miserable. After their most recent physical training session, Merlin was swaying to the latter theory.

He peeled off his drenched clothing and flung them into a makeshift laundry bag. He grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his waist and left their quarters before Gwaine had opportunity to taunt his body. Merlin knew that was significantly slender compared to other soldiers, but since joining the Army, his abdominal muscles were more defined and he actually had upper body strength. Again, that wasn't enough for Arthur who often called him 'toothpick' whenever he had the opportunity. 

Merlin flinched as he glanced a mirror whilst walking to the ablutions, he noticed the slight bruise began to form on his forehead, it didn’t help that Merlin was paler than others, making the bruise all the more noticeable. Merlin tried to ignore the other mirrors he walked pass and prayed that the hot water was still running.

***

He returned to his quarters after his refreshing shower, he may have used a quick heating spell on the water when the first drops of water was clap-cold and nearly gave Merlin a heart attack. Stood in the corner was Gwaine, shaving his face, despite already shaven that morning. To Merlin it meant one thing, Gwaine was going out drinking, which Merlin declined every time he was invited, he also thought Gwaine looked better with facial hair but it was against Army policy.

Gwaine saw Merlin in his mirror. "Merlin!" He grinned. "Me and the other lads are going out for drinks, I think there is even a dancing event at the town hall. You are coming." Gwaine wasn't asking him, he was telling him.

"Gwaine." Merlin exaggerated his voice of how tired he was. "I'm too tired." 

"Merlin, mate. You say that all the time." He said as he rolled his eyes at Merlin.

"Well I really am this time!"

"So you have been lying to me all this Merlin when you've said you're tired." Gwaine clutched his hand to his chest "Merlin that hurts, you've betrayed my trust."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Merlin replied sarcastically. "What can I do to ever regain your trust?" He snapped his gob shut as soon as he realised what he said. He saw Gwaine grin like a Cheshire cat when he turned to face Merlin.

"Well, there is _one_ way you can win my trust back." Merlin hated it when Gwaine emotionally blackmailed him, because it worked every God damn time.

"Is it by any chance Gwaine, to come out with you for some drinks tonight?"

"Yes." Gwaine said.

"You're not going to let this go unless I come with you?" Merlin sighed.

"You'd be right there my friend."

"Fine." Merlin tried not to smile, when he saw Gwaine's face lit up with glee. "I'll come for a few drinks, but on one condition. I am not dancing."

"Deal."

***

Merlin was sat opposite Gwaine in one of the local pubs, candles flickered in the background. He'd just finished his pint when his bladder needed to be relieved. "I'm just gonna pop to the toilet. Shall I get us another round on my way back?"

"Aye Merlin, that sounds grand," he replied.

After he'd been to the toilet, he ordered two more pints of some local ale when the main door opened and brought a chill to the room. Merlin turned around to see who entered. It was Leon, with Arthur, who was directly looking at him whilst he held two pints, Merlin's eyes widened.

_He's gonna think I'm at the pub all the time. Shit, why is he here?_

Merlin rushed back to Gwaine, he could feel Arthur's gaze burning into the back of his head as he sat back down. "Gwaine." His friend sly grabbed his pint and took a swig. "We need to go now!"

"Merlin, I have just got me pint. Why would we need to leave right now?" He gestured at his pint.

"He's here. Arthur." Whispered Merlin. 

_I knew going out for drinks was a bad idea._

"Merlin, Princess can't do anything to you unless you're behaving in a disorderly manner." Gwaine's last remark seemed to have relaxed Merlin, well a little bit. Merlin downed half of his pint in order to distract him that Arthur was nearby, it steadied his nerves slightly. He peeked back over to Leon and Arthur, they were now at the bar and Leon was laughing at what Arthur had just said.

"I don't get it." Merlin randomly said as turned back to face Gwaine.

"Get what Merlin?"

"What Leon sees in Captain prat?" He took another sip of his pint. 

"Well that's because they are best friends." Merlin gawped at Gwaine. "No, it's true Merlin. They have been friends since Eton and even went to Cambridge together." Merlin scoffed.

_Oh of course they went to Eton and Cambridge, I wouldn't expect anything less from Arthur._

"Arthur was Leon's best man when he got married. They even both signed up the Army at the same time as infantry officers back in May 1939." Merlin was dumbfounded, Leon actually liked to spend time with Arthur outside of work hours.

"How do you know about all of this?" Merlin enquired.

"You hear things throughout camp." Gwaine shrugged. "There is also a rumour." Gwaine leaned in, Merlin responded in kind. "That whilst he was at Cambridge, that he dabbled with his male peers." Merlin took a few seconds to absorb the information until it hit him.

"What, you mean he's a homosexual?" 

"Shh, yes that Merlin." Merlin stared at him in disbelief.

"Pfft yeah right, just because he acts like a dick, doesn't mean he wants some." Gwaine almost spat out his drink.

***

Merlin was sat in a corner, nursing his drink alone with the band music keeping him company whilst Gwaine and the others were on the dance floor trying to woo the local ladies. He couldn't relax or enjoy himself, he'd been on edge ever since he saw Arthur back at the pub. He'd had enough and wanted to go to sleep, he glanced at his watch.

_Ten o'clock, think it's an acceptable time to head off back to camp without Gwaine complaining at me._

He waited for the band to finish their song before he walked over to Gwaine. "Hey, I'm gonna go home now, you enjoy the rest of your night and try not to get into too much trouble." Gwaine winked at him.

"I'm making no promises there Merlin." Merlin chuckled and left his friend. 

The night air caught him by surprise as he stepped out of the town hall, it made him feel slightly tipsy. He pulled his coat tighter as an attempt to protect himself from the night chill. He could see small flickers of light emitted from cigarettes in the corner his eye as he walked from the main entrance. Gazed over at the smokers, he regretted it immediately as one of the smokers was Arthur. He tried to avoid making eye contact with him and promptly continued to walk back to camp, not drawing attention to himself.

He struggled to continue at a brisk pace when his lower body muscles started to burn and throb, he did complete a ten mile run only a few hours earlier. He stopped and gave his muscles a shake when he heard footsteps and then his voice. "Smith!"

_Oh God, it's Captain prat, what does he want? Am I not allowed to walk home in peace?_

Merlin decided to be civil, maybe it was the alcohol or maybe he just couldn't be bothered to deal with the hassle if he didn't stop walking, so he waited for Arthur to catch up. When Arthur caught up, he was smiling, smiling at Merlin.

_Did he hit his head or something? Why is he smiling at me?_

Merlin observed the rest of him, his hair was a dirty blonde styled back with gel. The suit Arthur wore was dark, his jacket oversized which consisted of wide lapels and broad shoulders. His pants, narrowed at the ankles and the crotch low. Merlin was a little bit mesmerised.

_What is going on? I did not just ogle my superior even if he does look quite attractive right now. Pah, this is must the alcohol talking._

Merlin looked back up to Arthur's face, he was smirking.

_Crap! Did he just notice me checking him out? Was I checking him out? Did I just say that out loud?_

His cheeks reddened in embarrassment and slight arousal. "Like what you see, Smith?" Merlin was caught off guard when Arthur returned the favour and ogled him.

_Is he flirting with me? I thought he hated me? I'm so confused right now._

"It's er Merlin." It cringed at himself, it was the first coherent thought that sprung to his mind.

"What?" Even his answer caught Arthur off guard.

"My name is Merlin." He replied.

Arthur scoffed "Merlin, as in Merlin from the Arthurian legends? Where's your robes, the grey hair and long wiry beard?" He nudged Merlin with is elbow, Merlin just felt hurt. When thought that Arthur was starting to be friendly he reminds Merlin that he's a jerk and always will be. He mumbled something incoherent and started to walk away from Arthur. Arthur grabbed his wrist "hey!" Merlin stopped and turned to face him again. "I'm sorry Merlin, I didn't mean to offend you." He saw how sheepish Arthur looked.

Merlin smiled weakly "don't worry about it Sir." 

_Well at least he apologised to me, that's a first. Probably only said it cos he's been drinking._

"Please, call me Arthur, well when we are outside of work anyway." Merlin smirked.

_Trust him to be by the book._

"Okay." He shrugged his hand so Arthur let go of it "Arthur, shall we continue walking back to camp?" Arthur beamed and led the way back to camp. Merlin had a quick glimpse at Arthur's arse before he walked beside him.

_I have definitely drank too much, I'm now looking at his arse. It's Gwaine's fault, putting silly thoughts in my head._

Well that's what Merlin told himself, he'd always deny it, but his subconscious knew that Merlin was somewhat attracted to him. Normally, Merlin would attracted and intimate with those because primarily of their personality Irregardless of their gender. What surprised Merlin was he often thought of Arthur in a non-platonic way, despite Arthur being rude to him.

He could see the main gate at a distance and Arthur was still beside him.

_I thought the officers didn't live on camp._

"Arthur? I thought the officers lived off camp? We're nearly there now." Merlin pointed out the main gate in front of them. 

"I er-" Arthur rubbed the back of his neck "I-I got to run errands in my office before I retire for the night, otherwise I'll forget." Merlin was slightly suspicious as to Arthur acting nervous all of a sudden but decided not to press Arthur. The silence became awkward and tense.

It wasn't until they passed the main gate and were now walking on a path that lay beside a small patch of woodland, that Arthur stopped them.

"Merlin. I would just to say I am sorry." Merlin could see the sincerity in Arthur's eyes.

"What for Arthur? You've already apologised to me once, which is an anomaly itself." Arthur scoffed in disbelief.

"Is that what you think? That I am rude and horrible to you?" It was Merlin's turn to scoff. He moved part of his fringe out of the way.

"Well what do you call this then?" He pointed at the bruise, Arthur cringed.

"Shit, Merlin, did I do this to you?" Merlin nodded.

"Yeah, when you grabbed my head and shoved it into the ground earlier on today." Arthur reached out toward the bruise but retracted his hand when he saw Merlin step away as though Merlin didn't trust him.

"Merlin, when I say this I mean it. I am so sorry." Arthur turned his gaze away from Merlin, he was ashamed, he never thought he would physically hurt one of his subordinates. "Sometimes, I get carried away, I know it doesn't justify my actions." He stepped into the woods. "It's just, I was so annoyed when they threatened to disband us back in July." Arthur took a deep breath, "so I vowed to myself that I would make this unit the best one the British Army had ever seen! And the only way we can achieve that if we push ourselves physically and mentally." Merlin could hear the increasing passion in Arthur's voice, it made his stomach feel weird as though he had feelings for Arthur, he tried push those feelings away. "That is why I push you Merlin during those sessions, I want you to be at your best, not because I hate you. I know that's what you think of me." His voice trailed off into a whisper.

"Oh" it was all Merlin could say, he'd never seen Arthur so vulnerable. He rested a hand on Arthur's shoulder as he still faced away from Merlin, to comfort him. He felt Arthur tense at his touch.

"Mer- _lin_." Arthur growled, Merlin recoiled his hand, he thought he overstepped again. 

"Sorry Si-" Arthur turned to face Merlin and mouthed a kiss into his neck. Merlin's heart skipped a beat. Arthur paused as he waited for Merlin to either shove him off or step away in repulsion. But he didn't, Merlin could only focus on Arthur's breath tickle his neck. The smell of alcohol and tobacco overwhelmed his sense of smell. He felt his trousers tighten and peered down below.

_Oh God, I've got an erection, he only kissed me once and it wasn't even on the mouth!_

Arthur copied Merlin and glanced down at Merlin's now evident erection. Merlin could sense Arthur's grin, Arthur tilted his head to Merlin's ear "you liked that didn't you Merlin?" Merlin lost the ability to speak and nodded. That was all the approval Arthur needed. He continued to mouth kisses around his neck as he slowly pushed Merlin into a nearby tree. Merlin could not remember that last time he was so turned on.

Tree bark scraped his back, Merlin clutched onto the tree as leverage in order to remain upright. The sensual kisses from Arthur, turned his legs into jelly. The kisses progressively moved upward until they latched behind his ear, he moaned. "Oh God Merlin, your ears, you really liked that didn't you?" Arthur panted, Merlin could feel Arthur slowly rutting against him. He proceeded to lick and nip the shell of his ear causing Merlin to moan again, Arthur chuckled.

Arthur stopped rutting and replaced it with a hand gently placed over Merlin's bulge, Arthur decided to risk it and squeezed Merlin's erection. All Merlin could do was moan and gasp at Arthur's touch, he couldn't get enough of it. Arthur took the noises as permission, he unbuckled Merlin's belt and shoved his trousers to the floor. Merlin felt a soft breeze on his erection until Arthur spat into his dominant hand as lubrication and caressed his shaft.

It felt alien for someone else's hand to grasp his erection that he froze. Merlin could not recall the last time someone had touched so intimately, it was embarrassing. He also felt embarrassed that he almost cum'd when Arthur grabbed his cock. Arthur thought Merlin was just really nervous. "Relax Mer-lin, I'll look after you" he whispered into Merlin's ear, Merlin shuddered and obeyed his superior. Arthur changed his routine, he pulled Merlin's shirt to one side and bit down into his collarbone.

Merlin threw his head back as he continuously moaned, Arthur started to pump him. Arthur's hand pumping became slicker as his cock released pre-cum. "Merlin" he growled "you are so hard for me" he stopped biting and sucked instead. He wedged one of his knees between Merlin's legs and started to rut again. It was all too much for Merlin, the kissing, the hand job and now Arthur rutting against him, he cum'd hard as he moaned Arthur's name. Merlin was slightly mortified at how quickly he cum'd.

When he began to soften, Arthur removed his hand and wiped it onto some nearby leaves. He moved his head back so he could gaze at Merlin fondly. Merlin was trying to process what had just happened.

_Guess the rumours about Arthur are right then!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave any feedback if you feel comfortable to, any feedback is welcome especially about trying to write NSFW stuff :)


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things escalate between Arthur and Merlin.

PLYMOUTH, ENGLAND 01-DEC-1940

_I was wrong, this is the worst physical training session I have ever had!_

Merlin and the rest of his comrades were undergoing the obstacle course, in full gear whilst it was snowing. It started with leopard crawling underneath the barbed wire, Merlin managed to get his webbing stuck in the wire and Gwaine had crawled back to assist him before they both got shouted at for holding up the queue. It went downhill from there.

It took Merlin five attempts to grab onto and scramble over the ten foot wall, that's when he began to hear Arthur's sighing aloud, Merlin tried his best not to disappoint him, especially after he heard Arthur's rationale of pushing the unit. He ran across one of the suspended logs without any issue but nearly twisted his ankle when he jumped off, he could feel Arthur's gaze burn into the back of his head.

_I wouldn't be so God damn awful all at this if it weren't due to this snow. I really wish could use my magic right now to heat up my hands._

Then came the monkey bars, Merlin dreaded this part of the course the most, he struggled with the monkey bars in the past and the snow certainly would not help. Merlin took a deep breath and jumped up to grab the first monkey bar. He managed to swing across six bars before he started to struggle, his arms were shaking from fatigue.

"Corporal Smith! We have not got all day!" Merlin heard Arthur's annoyance. Merlin attempted to swing and reach the next bar with one arm, when he lost his grip and crashed into the ground. Underneath the monkey bars was slightly frozen mud and Merlin was now covered in it. Merlin tried to stand up but his legs gave way and he stumbled back into the mud, his face flushed from embarrassment, everyone was stood there staring at him.

"Don't just stand there guys, help our comrade out!" He saw Gwaine barge a couple of soldiers out of the way to lean out toward Merlin with his hand. Merlin grabbed onto Gwaine's wrist and was pulled up out of the mud. Merlin felt really sheepish and just wanted this session to be over, physical training was not his strong point.

"What the fuck happened now!" Arthur stormed over and inspected Merlin, who was caked head to toe in mud. "Merlin, why the fuck is it always you?" Merlin was shocked that his superior called him out with his first name.

"Well, the monkey bars were slip-" Merlin mumbled.

"I do not want to hear excuses Merlin! You are being pathetic and are the weak link of this unit!" Merlin was stunned, despite what Arthur had said the other night, right now it felt personal, very personal and that pissed Merlin off. He was giving his all to this unit and constantly trying to improve, but it wasn't enough, certainly not for that prat. 

Merlin just stared at Arthur for a minute, without breaking eye contact. He wanted to Arthur to know that he offended him. Merlin then walked off.

_Fuck this and that prat, I'm going for a shower._

"Corporal Smith, where do you think you're going? You have not been dismissed!" Arthur suddenly felt enraged that his subordinate walked off without permission, in front of everyone. Merlin continued to walk back. Arthur took a couple steps forward "Corporal Smith-"

"Arthur." It was Leon, he saw the whole situation unfold as he stood by Arthur, "I think you were a bit of line, let him cool down and I'll grab him and bring him to your office." Leon was always good at reeling back Arthur's temper.

"Fine." Arthur grimaced back.

_***_

Merlin had just got dressed and shoved his muddy uniform when Leon entered his quarters. "Sir?" He braced up. 

"Relax Corporal Smith." Leon was always the more chilled and approachable officer compared to the rest of them. 

"Did you want to see me Sir?" Merlin had a feeling it was about what happened earlier on. 

"Yes, I wanted to check if you're okay?" Merlin nodded back at him, "also when you're done could you report to Captain Kemp's office" Merlin frowned, the last thing he wanted to do or see was that prat. "He just wants to talk to you" Merlin was still frowning, he doubted that Arthur wanted to talk to him. "I'll be honest with you Smith, Captain Kemp was a bit out of line and I think this will be a good opportunity to clear the air."

"Okay Sir, if that's what you think, I'll go see him now." Leon just smiled back at him.

***

There was a knock on Arthur's door. "Enter," in entered his office was Merlin.

"Ah, Merlin. Do take a seat." Arthur gestured to the chair opposite him and tried to smile at Merlin.

"I'll stand, if that's okay with you _Sir_?" Merlin retorted back. 

"Fine." Arthur closed the report he was currently reading. "Do you know why you are here?"

"Yes, Lieutenant Triggs said you were being unreasonable and rude earlier on and you're to apologise to me." Merlin sneered, he really wasn't in the mood for his games.

"Unreasonable? Rude?"

"Well he didn't say those exact words, but everyone was thinking it." Merlin knew himself that he was being a hypocrite, but he didn't care. He was just fed up of Arthur treating him like a yo-yo.

Arthur mulled over Merlin's words as he scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment. "I'm sorry if I-"

"Will you stop saying sorry!" Merlin shouted, leaned over Arthur's desk, his face inches away from Arthur's. "You keep on saying sorry as though it will fix everything whenever you have been rude or just God damn awful to me." Merlin hadn't fastened up his shirt fully, Arthur peered over and inspected the love bite he left on Merlin's collarbone, it started to yellow, he shuddered subconsciously. Merlin noticed. "Are you being for real?" Merlin stepped back "are you ogling me right now?"

Irritation flared within Arthur, the constant questioning was becoming a bit much now "and what if I am?" He grabbed Merlin's wrist possessively, irritation turned into lust, Arthur entertained an argument or two before things became more intimate, "what are you going to do about it?"

Merlin flinched is arm away, "you do not get to do this!"

Arthur was confused, "get to do what? I thought you were about to return the favour from the other night."

"You. You treated me like was a piece of dirt ever since I've arrived here and then you confessed on Friday that nothing was personal, you just wanted what was best for the unit, you acted though you cared. And then, you called me out today, called me pathetic and that I was the weak link. Don't you think that sounds very personal,  _ Sir _ ?"

"That's what we're doing isn't it? Acting like we hate each other in public and then not behind closed doors, to not draw suspicion."

"No Sir, that's what you're doing and it's called being a prick. I never agreed to this and what happened on Friday-"

Arthur now, was offended. "So what? You're saying that the hand job I gave you on Friday was a mistake? Because it seems to me Mer- _lin,_ that youenjoyed it. Alot in fact. And I meant what I said about being sorry, don't you dare accuse me of not having any feelings, you have no idea what it's like to be me!" Merlin blushed as he remembered Arthur's touch from the other night.

"Well I'm glad you enjoyed it, considering how it easy it was."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Merlin scoffed.

"Anyone could tell how desperate and easy you were that night. So I took advantage of it. It was nothing _personal_." Arthur knew it wasn't the truth, but like Merlin, he was also pissed off.

"That's just cruel." Merlin said, Arthur shrugged his shoulders in reply, trying act as though Merlin's words did not hurt him.

"Yeah, well Merlin, life isn't fair. You're dismissed, you may leave the office now." Arthur dismissed Merlin without even glancing at him.

_So much for clearing the air._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and comments :)


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin spends NYE with friends.

NEAR PLYMOUTH, ENGLAND 31 DEC 1940

"Gwen," Lance dropped down to one knee, his hands shook from nerves as he retrieved a modest ring from his back pocket, "my dear."

_Oh my gosh, it is happening, it is happening!_

Gwen's eyes widened in shock and glee. "Will you do me the honour by becoming my wi-" Gwen pounced on Lance and smothered him with kisses as he tried to place the ring onto Gwen's wedding finger.

"Yes Lance, yes of course I will!" She said, as she continued to attack Lance with affection. She squealed with happiness as she removed herself from Lance and inspected the beautiful ring Lance bestowed upon her.

"It's about time." Wilson muttered under his breath, Merlin elbowed him the gut, "ow! Whatever was that for?"

"Be nice Wilson. You're just jealous that Lance isn't proposing to you." Merlin winked at him.

"Alas, Merlin you have figured me out." Wilson feigned sadness. Merlin just elbowed him again. "Would you give up doing that?" Wilson said as Merlin smirked at him. "Would you like me and Merlin to leave you two alone?" he asked as Gwen stopped inspecting the ring and returned to petting Lance.

"Yes." Lance replied between the kisses.

"Lance, I'm shocked, I thought you were a gentleman." Wilson answered in a mocking tone, Lance rolled his eyes.

_Wilson should have become an actor instead._

"We must have a toast!" Merlin exclaimed, "to celebrate your engagement."

Gwen smiled weakly, "I'm sorry Merlin, but we don't have anything special to drink that is suitable for a toast." Lance rubbed her back affectionately, he knew how Gwen struggled financially. "Unless you count water," Gwen said in an attempt to cheer herself up, it didn't work and appeared slightly disheartened. Merlin had an idea, he remembered a handy little enchantment, that he discovered whilst researching healing spells.

"I think I might have something for you Gwen, wait a moment." Merlin left the others in the dining room and scavenged through his day bag, that was situated in the hallway. He retrieved a half empty bottle of water.

_This will do._

He smiled to himself and enchanted the water to appear and taste like champagne, he made sure to remove the label.

Merlin looked smug as he returned to the dining room. "Well it looks like you're in luck Gwen, as remembered that this was in my bag." He gave the bottle of 'champagne' to Gwen, it was the second time that night Gwen squealed. 

"Merlin." She hugged him tightly, "how on earth did you manage to get champagne?!"

"Yes, Merlin." Wilson smirked. "Pray tell, how did you obtain that bottle of champagne?" Merlin scowled back at him.

"I er-I found it whilst in France earlier this year." Merlin blushed faintly as he lied, he was never good a lying.

Lance was confused, "I don't recall you ever mentioning finding some champagne." 

"Yep, it was definitely whilst in France. I didn't tell you, as I would know you'd drink it all if you ever got the chance."

"Ha, yeah maybe you're right there." Lance walked over to Merlin and patted him on the shoulder, "well we will certainly all appreciate it now then. I'll go get some glasses from the kitchen."

"Get the fancy ones love." Gwen shouted as Lance wandered into the kitchen. "Can you believe it?" Gwen shoved her hand in front of Wilson and Merlin, "he actually proposed to me!" Merlin inspected the ring with interest whilst Wilson pretended. 

"Well Gwen, you weren't exactly subtle." Wilson said, Merlin glared at him. "What?" Wilson mouthed, "it's true" he said, Gwen laughed.

"Ha, well that maybe true Wilson. But I would never suspect it to happen on New Year's Eve. I think it is so romantic." Gwen mooned as she saw Lance return from the kitchen. He placed the glasses on the table and retrieved the bottle from Gwen.

"Isn't Champagne normally corked?" Lance said as he observed the bottle in detail.

_Oh shit! Quick Merlin think._

Wilson started to bellow. "I think it must be a new thing, you know with the war?" Merlin questioned.

"Ah yes, I think you might be right there." Lance poured the bottle's contents into the four glasses and handed them out.

"To the happy couple." Merlin raised his glass, "and may they have many years of happiness."

"Cheers!" they all shouted and took a swig of their drinks. After they emptied their glasses, Lance asked for Wilson's assistance in the kitchen, leaving Merlin with Gwen.

"Merlin? Can I ask you something?" Merlin nodded back. "You don't have say yes."

"Whatever you have to say Gwen, I'll probably say yes, you know I would do anything for you and Lance."

Gwen smiled. "Would you walk me down the aisle?" Merlin was left stunned.

"Gwen are you sure? What about Wilson? You have known him a lot longer, not that I am extremely honoured."

"Yes. Despite knowing Wilson longer. I feel like I'm closer with you. Plus if it weren't for you, Lance might not be alive today." Tears stung Gwen's eyes.

"Yes Gwen. I would be honoured." Gwen started to fan her eyes, "and stop crying, otherwise I'll start too" Gwen chuckled and hugged Merlin tightly, he placed a kiss atop her head.

***

Merlin's head drooped forward, it was almost midnight and Merlin was struggling to stay awake. "I'm just going to get some fresh air for a couple of minutes." Gwen nodded and he wandered into her back garden. He left himself deep in thought as he gazed at the night sky.

"Merlin?" Wilson said as he approached his friend to check on him, Merlin had been outside for ten minutes. Merlin was unaware of his friend's presence. Wilson took advantage of the situation and pounced on his friend from behind "Merlin!" Merlin jumped out of his skin.

"Jesus Wilson, are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Merlin pushed Wilson away playfully. 

"Well it got ya attention didn't it? You were away with the fairies." Wilson waved up at the sky. 

"I was just deep in thought that's all." Wilson noticed the change in Merlin, he was frowning. He stood beside Merlin.

"You okay Merlin? You know you can tell me whatever troubles you."

"Yeah," Merlin sighed, "I know."

"So," Wilson nudged him "are you going to tell me then? Whatever it is, it seems to be really bothering you."

"Yes!" Merlin exasperated, "God you can be really nosy and annoying." Wilson grinned back at him like a Cheshire cat.

"Yep, I am. But seriously, having a rant can feel good."

"Fine, fine." He grunted, he walked over the step that led into the house and saw down. Wilson joined him. "About a month ago, me and Gwaine went out for a few drinks. La-"

"Is this the same Gwaine you have mentioned previously in your letters?" Wilson sounded slightly jealous.

"Yes Wilson. How many people do you know called Gwaine? Are you jealous?" Merlin laughed.

"What? No!" Wilson insisted. 

"Shall I continue with the story then?" Wilson nodded sheepishly. "Anyway, the person who'd been tormenting me since I've been with the Commandos, later they opened up saying that they didn't mean to torment me," Merlin turned his head away from Wilson "and they er- gave me a hand job." Merlin mumbled into his shoulder.

"Merlin, did you just say hand job?" Wilson thought he was hearing things.

"Yes." Merlin hissed. "I know I was surprised about it as well." Merlin moved his head back into the centre. "You'd think that they like me, you know after giving me hand job after all."

"A huh," Wilson nodded.

"But turns out that's not the case. Couple days after the incident, we got into an argument after I called them out for being rude to me, again. You know what they said?" Merlin didn't wait for Wilson to reply. "They said that they only gave me a hand job because I was _easy_. The audacity." Merlin scoffed. "Do I look easy to you?"

"No, if anything, I think you're the opposite." Wilson replied. "Wow, she actually called you easy." Wilson assumed that Merlin hooked up with a woman.

"Er yeah- she did." Merlin winced as he lied to Wilson. "And to top it off, they said I was pathetic."

"Mate." Wilson wrapped his around Merlin's shoulder for comfort. "She sounds awful, why was she so rude to you?" Merlin shrugged in response. "Do you think it was due to her being on..."

"On what?" Merlin asked.

"You know." Merlin just looked confused at Wilson.

"Her menses?" Wilson mumbled, cheeks reddened in embarrassment.

"Oh God, no!" he barked, "They were definitely not on their menses."

_They would have to be female for that to happen._

"Woah, right okay Merlin. They were not on their menses." he replied, "I'm just trying to figure out why she would be rude to you." 

"They are just rude and horrible." Merlin frowned again.

"That's not the whole story is it Merlin?" Merlin shook his head.

"It's just that- they confuse me. One minute they are horrible and next they're not. They keep playing with my head. Ever since the argument, they have not said a single horrible thing to me. Well they haven't said anything, which is new. But I can see guilt and regret in their eyes. Like they actually regretted what they said to me."

"Maybe they do?" Wilson suggested.

"Yeah but if they regret, then maybe they shouldn't have said it in the first place." 

They sat in silence for a minute whilst Wilson pondered. "I'm just playing devil's advocate here, but did you do or say something that might have aggravated them?"

"Maybe," Merlin mumbled "but's that not the point, they are definitely in the wrong. I'm the one that should be offended here."

"You could try talking to her?" Merlin looked at Wilson.

"Yeah, that's what I did last time and it turned into an argument. Nope, they can approach me."

"God Merlin, you can be so stubborn at times." 

"Yep, that's me. As stubborn as a mu-" Merlin was interrupted when grandfather's clock, from the hallway, struck midnight and chimed.

"Happy New Year!" Gwen and Lance shouted from the dining room.

"Happy New Year!" They shouted back. 

"Happy New Year Wilson" Merlin smiled as he shook Wilson's hand.

"And Happy New Year to you too Merlin." He beamed back. "You know, it's bad luck if you don't kiss anyone at the start of the New Year."

"Really? Wilson?" Merlin whined.

"Come on Merlin, it's for a laugh."

"Fine, only because it's you." He chuckled, Merlin gently grabbed Wilson's neck and cheek with both hands and placed a kiss on Wilson's lips. Wilson laughed in embarrassment as he wiped the kiss away.

"Blimey, you acted as though you've kissed men before," Wilson commented offhandedly as he continued to chuckle. He glanced over at Merlin who suddenly went demure, cheeks flushed and avoiding eye contact with Wilson. "Have you?" Wilson asked seriously, he peered over in attempt to catch Merlin's attention, Merlin faced away from Wilson and shrunk into himself. Realisation hit Wilson "you have," he whispered.

"Yeah." Merlin finally whispered back, he dared not to face Wilson as he replied, he was too much of a coward to see Wilson's reaction as he admitted having past relations with men. 

_Wilson is probably looking at me with disgust. Why does it have to be illegal to be attracted to men, there's nothing wrong with it!_

"Hey Merlin, look at me." Wilson grabbed Merlin and physically moved him so they were directly facing each other. "Merlin why are you not looking at me?"

"Well that kind of behaviour tends to offend and disgust people. I just can't handle you looking at me with hatred, it would break me." Merlin mumbled, he mustered what little courage he had and gazed at Wilson's face, there was shock but not disgust.

"What?" Wilson hissed. "You honestly think I would hate you? I thought we were better friends then that Merlin." Wilson sound offended.

"I'm sorry Wilson. It tends to be usual reaction, when men have been intimate with men." 

"It's okay Merlin, I don't hate you and never will. I'm just shocked that's all, caught me off guard. I know it's exactly not legal and may not understand why you would do it, but you're still my best friend." Merlin's mouth quivered as tried to hold back his emotions. "Hey, you're not going to start crying on me now?"

"No." Merlin lied as he rubbed his tears away. They sat in silence as they both mulled over what each other had said.

_He doesn't hate me and still wants to be my friend._

"So?" Wilson asked, "have you just had sex with men then?" They both blushed in embarrassment.

"No." Merlin squeaked, "I er- have had sex with both men and women. Although it tends happen with men more. I'm not attracted to someone because of their gender, but because of their personality."

"Huh, I see."

"If they are good looking though, that also helps." Merlin smirked, knowing that Wilson won't judge him.

"Merlin, you dog!" Wilson punched Merlin's arm lightheartedly, Merlin rubbed his arm, pretending as though it hurt. "Never thought you'd be like that. Now be honest me. The conversation we had earlier on, that was about a bloke wasn't it?"

Merlin nodded back slowly. "Yeah, his name is Arthur. He's also with the Commandos and an officer." Wilson was stunned.

"Merlin! You need to be really careful, what if the two of you get caught? You won't just be charged under civilian law but military law too!"

"You don't think I know that." Merlin snapped back, "it was a one-time thing anyway. He was being a jerk remember? That's his personality."

"But also what _are_ the chance he's called Arthur, you know, with you being called Merlin and all."

_Tell me about it Wilson._

"Yeah, the irony. But like I said it was one-time."

"Maybe jerks are your type, maybe that's the _personality_ you're into." Wilson waggled his eyebrows.

"Well if that's the case Wilson, then come here." Merlin leaned toward Wilson, his friend caught on quickly what Merlin had implied.

"Oh ha-ha very funny Merlin. Anyway we should go back inside, before we freeze to death." Wilson suggested.

"Sure." Merlin followed Wilson back inside as he subconsciously rubbed his collarbone of where the bruise used to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a filler chapter, Arthur and Merlin shenanigans are to return next chapter. Thank you for kudos and comments so far :)


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Merlin 'talk' out some issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NFSW toward the end. Also a bit more swearing in this chapter. This is also Arthur's POV, the story is mostly Merlin's POV.

LOFOTEN ISLANDS, NORWAY 04-MAR-1941

_ When will this seasickness end?  _

The interior of the ship was cramped and with the constant rocking, it made Arthur felt very nauseous throughout the whole journey to Norway. He now lent against the railing outside on HMS Somali, breathing slowly and deeply to distract himself from the nausea, it helped slightly. Arthur thought he was about to puke when a figure caught the corner of his eye, it wouldn't be proper if he vomited in front of other personnel, especially his subordinates.

When he realised who the individual was, the nausea worsened from the guilt he felt every time he looked at the individual. It was Merlin, despite being three months since that incident, they hadn't truly spoke to one another. There was an unspoken agreement of being civil towards another, but never spoke in conversation, Merlin didn't even speak up against him anymore and Arthur missed it. It was as though Merlin could not act like himself around Arthur and that caused him to feel guilt and regret.

"Are you okay Sir?" Merlin asked hesitantly. Arthur nodded his head meekly, he saw Merlin fish something out of his pocket. "Here, take this. It will help with the seasickness." Merlin shoved whatever he'd retrieved from his pocket to Arthur. He walked away before Arthur had to chance to reply, it was a ginger biscuit. Arthur nibbled into the biscuit and felt the nausea less significantly after a few minutes.

_Guess he doesn't hate me that much then._

_***_

Operation Claymore was a success so far, not only did the Germans fail apprehend the Allies when they arrived at the Lofoten islands. The Allies had destroyed majority of the fish oil factories alongside with tonnes of oil and glycerine unopposed, only a factory and handful of glycerine remained to be disposed of. It was nearly midday and the mission was almost complete, much to the frustration of some of the Commando troops, like Gwaine and Arthur. The unit had undergone specialist training for months only to be met with no resistance from the enemy.

Arthur was quite frankly a little bit bored and decided to light a cigarette whilst vaguely overseeing the remainder of the task. He retrieved a cigarette from his metal cigarette case holder after he removed one of his gloves. He fumbled throughout his coat for a source of light.

_Dammit, I'm out of matches. Who is else smokes nearby?_

Arthur glanced around his immediate surroundings and was able to identify one recognisable person, Merlin. 

_Who can miss those ears?_

Which also meant Gwaine would be nearby, much to Arthur's annoyance (not jealously he often tells himself), Gwaine and Merlin stuck together like glue, very rarely did you catch them alone.  With a cigarette in hand, he wandered over toward Merlin. He saw Merlin shift uncomfortably as Arthur approached him.

_God, does he think I'm going to tell him off?_

"Smith, could you tell me where Private Stark is?" Arthur enquired.

"He's just over there Sir." Merlin pointed toward Gwaine's direction.

"Thank you Smith that will be all." He saw Merlin react with a slight stunned expression as though he'd never said thank you before.

_Does Merlin honestly think I am that rude?_

Arthur sighed and walked toward Gwaine. Gwaine stood to attention when he noticed Arthur approach him. "Sir."

"Thank you Private, you may stand at ease." Gwaine returned to his normal stance, "Also do you have a light I could borrow?" Gwaine began to search in his webbing. "Please," Arthur added. Gwaine found a box of matches in his coat pocket.

"Here you go Sir, you can keep the matches, I have another one spare back on ship." Arthur smiled back at him.

"Thank you Private Stark. I'll leave you to it then," and Arthur left to continue with his work and leaned against a nearby wall.

_ I can see why Merlin is friends with him, very helpful. _

He watched as Merlin stormed over to Gwaine and could overhear their conversation without too much difficulty. 

"What did he want with you Gwaine?" Merlin asked.

"He just asked if I had a light, I assume for his cigarette that he's holding. Don't worry he said pleases and thank yous as well. He's not as terrible as you say he is." Arthur heard Merlin scoff.

"Yeah he's not been that bad recently, where is he anyway?" Merlin asked.

Gwaine nudged his head toward his direction. "He's just over there." Arthur decided not to continue eavesdrop on their conversation and proceeded to light his cigarette with the box of matches.

"No!" Someone shouted, Arthur unable to establish who it was also made him jump and dropped the ignited match as a result. All of a sudden, a body pushed him over with such force away from the wall and onto a patch of snow nearby. His whole body suddenly felt hot from the flames in front of him, of where he was stood just a moment ago. Whoever pushed him out the way just saved his life, he gazed up at the person who'd rescued him. The person who saved him had a scowl on their face, it was Merlin, who also appeared to be pissed off, he was still laid on top of him.

"You absolute dollophead! There a was small oil spillage there and you decided to light a match!" Merlin sounded so annoyed with Arthur, but also concerned. Merlin had put his life in danger to save his. Arthur was left stunned from the whole situation and could only respond with a sheepish smile.

_What has just happened? Merlin saved my life. How was he able to reach me in time? He must be a lot faster than he looks._

"Sir!" Arthur heard someone else from a distance, he realised it was his friend Leon as he stood over them. "Sir, are you okay? We just heard an explosion go off nearby." He friend also looked somewhat intrigued as to why Merlin hadn't removed himself from Arthur.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." Arthur replied, it was at that moment, Merlin pushed himself away from Arthur and jogged back to his friend Gwaine, without giving Arthur the opportunity to thank him.

"Thank you." Arthur whispered to himself.

***

Arthur didn't see Merlin again until he wandered into the medical bay on HMS Somali to receive an update on the injured officer. The officer managed to accidentally self-inflict wound his thigh, with his own rifle, fortunately the wound was considered as minor and could be treated by a medic.

_God! Merlin must think that all us officers are imbeciles after what he's witnessed today._

Upon entering the bay, he observed Merlin bandage the wound, deep in concentration.

_ He looks a bit cute whilst he's concentrating, his tongue sticks out slightly to one side. Whoa, where did that come from? Stop it, Merlin made it perfectly clear he's not interested in you that way. _

Merlin blushed when noticed Arthur staring at him. "Can I er- help you Sir?" 

"I was wondering if I could talk you in private after you've finished?" Arthur asked cautiously, he knew the last thing Merlin wanted was to talk Arthur, alone. Especially what happened the last time.

"Sure. Let me finish with my patient and I'm all yours." Merlin replied, he even smiled weakly back at Arthur.

_If Merlin only knew what he was saying. Stop it Arthur!_

Merlin secured the bandaging and checked the patient's vital signs to ensure there was no signs of bleeding. Once he was content, he washed his hands and stood next to Arthur. "Lead the way Sir then." Merlin gestured to the exit of the medical bay. Arthur almost grabbed onto Merlin's wrist as he led them down into the officer's section, more specifically into Arthur's temporary sleeping quarters. Merlin gave him an inquisitive expression, Arthur just shook his head. 

Arthur closed the door behind him and stood awkwardly near his bed as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Do you actually have anything to say to me Sir?" Said Merlin, sounding slightly annoyed. 

"Yes. I wanted to say thank you." He replied.

"Thank you?" Merlin was not fully convinced.

"Yes." Arthur sighed, "for two things. Firstly, I want to say thank you for giving me that biscuit. It really helped with my seasickness."

Merlin smiled as he coyly asked, "and the second thank you is for?"

"Oh come on Merlin, you saved my life! So thank you, saving my life." 

"Wow, never thought I would get a thank you from you, never mind two in a day" Merlin chuckled, Arthur noted some venom from Merlin's voice.

Arthur was offended, "do you think I am that rude to anyone? To you?"

"Well if you recall, you did call me pathetic and implied I was a weakling." Merlin sneered. "So forgive me, if I come to the conclusion that you are rude and I apologise if I have offended you." Merlin said sarcastically.

Arthur suddenly felt guilty, what he said to Merlin had really hurt his feelings. "Look, you might not believe me. But I am sorry what I said to you that day and all what I have said in the past. Every time I see you I feel guilty and I regret what I said." The room was quiet for a minute. Arthur looked down in shame, he felt like a disappointment again, a feeling he frequently felt whilst his father was alive.

"Do you actually mean that? You're not just saying that so you can get into my pants again?" Arthur cringed at Merlin's remark but also anger, he shifted his head and stared directly into Merlin's eyes.

_Does he think I am that perverse? How dare he!_

"What? No! You said what happened on that night out was a mistake. You might think I'm a jerk but I know when not to take advantage, when the party is clearly not interested." It was Merlin who now cringed.

Merlin exhaled. "I'm sorry. That was mean of me to say." Merlin took a step forwarded to Arthur, "shall we start again and call it a truce?" Arthur was slightly surprised how the conversation changed, but he was not going to complain to have the opportunity to start again with Merlin.

Arthur smiled back at him, "a truce," he shook Merlin's hand. "Although I might have to be a little bit rude to you in front of the other troops. I can't be accused of favouritism." Arthur smirked at Merlin as he reluctantly let go of Merlin's hand, his hand felt so soft considering he was in the military.

_"_ You can be such a dollophead." Merlin chuckled, he nudged his elbow into Arthur's ribs. Arthur was relieved that Merlin started to act like himself again around Arthur.

Arthur rubbed his ribs lightly, "you called me that earlier on today. What is a dollophead? I don't think I have heard such an insult before. If you call it one."

" In two words." Merlin stated.

"Yeah?" Arthur asked.

"Arthur Kemp," Merlin replied, Arthur scoffed and pretended to be offended. Merlin tried to stifle his laugh, Arthur laughed also, he could feel Merlin edge closer into his personal space, he didn't find it unwelcoming.

_This feels good, we have finally cleared the air-_

Arthur found himself being kissed by Merlin whilst pined against the metal door. The kiss was hurried, slightly wet and sloppy. Merlin opened his eyes and found Arthur staring back at him and with shocked expression on his face.

_I wasn't expecting that at all! Not that it was unwanted._

"Oh God, I don't know what came over me. I'm so sorry." The words rushed out of Merlin's mouth, he stepped out of Arthur's personal space and gazed down at the floor, his ears flushed from embarrassment. If Arthur wasn't mistaken, he would say Merlin was mortified of what just happened as though it was something he didn't usually do. That made Arthur's stomach flip a bit as though he was special, he decided to ignore that feeling. 

"Do you regret it?" Arthur asked, Merlin still gazed at the floor.

"What?" Merlin mumbled into his chest.

"I said. Do. You. Regret. It?" Arthur asked him again.

"I er- no, I didn't regret it at all." Merlin replied timidly, Merlin dared to lift his gaze at Arthur, all he saw was lust and want.

"Good." Merlin was now pined against the door, Arthur's gripped Merlin's shoulders as he kissed him back, only his kiss was heated and sensual. Merlin lightly moaned into his mouth as Arthur licked and sucked his bottom lip. Arthur snaked a hand down to Merlin's erection and palmed it gently, Merlin thrusted back in response. Arthur chuckled lowly to himself. 

"Someone's keen, considering they said last time was a mistake." Arthur said smugly. He loved at how responsive Merlin was to his touch, there was just something about Merlin that appealed to him.

"Stop. Talking." Merlin panted between the kisses, it made Arthur smirk all the more. He remembered how Merlin enjoyed his ear being played with, Arthur then nibbled the shell of Merlin's ear. Merlin groaned, loud. Arthur flashed him a dangerous look.

"As much as I love hearing those noises that come out of your pretty little mouth. We aren't exactly alone on this ship." Merlin understood what Arthur meant and tried to keep the moaning at a lower level. But when Arthur licked and sucked at his earlobe, he was unable to resist and moaned loud again.

"Do I have to gag you Merlin?" Merlin eyes widened, but with desire, he shook his head again. Arthur thought he heard Merlin mumble something as he briefly turned away. Arthur pressed Merlin closer against the door to regain his attention and ground his hips down into Merlin's whilst he continued to palm his erection, Merlin continued to moan but into Arthur's mouth as they resumed kissing.

"How, am I meant to keep quiet when you're doing that?" Merlin asked as he pulled away from Arthur's kisses.

"What do you suggest then?" He asked whilst he licked Merlin's neck slowly, he felt Merlin's knees buckle slightly into him.

"How about you fuck me instead?" Arthur didn't know how to respond to Merlin's remark verbally so he crushed his lips into Merlin's. His hands now at Merlin's hips, he pulled Merlin away from the door and toward the bed whilst still sucking his face off. Merlin yelped slightly into Arthur's mouth as his knees hit part of the bed. Arthur pushed him slightly and Merlin collapsed onto the bed. It was evident how they both desired each other, both of their faces full of lust. Merlin gripped into Arthur's hair as he laid on top of Merlin as he nipped and sucked on his neck, purposefully marking him. Merlin retaliated by biting and sucking on Arthur's ear lobe, he let out a strangled moan, that seemed to amuse Merlin slightly.

"Do you-" Merlin panted into Arthur's ear, "have anything to use as lube?" 

Arthur flung himself off Merlin and rummaged frantically throughout his belongings, he wanted to resume the foreplay as soon as possible.

_Shit! I don't have anything unless-_

"The only thing we could use is the oil for rifles." Arthur said, he knew it wasn't the most ideal lubrication to use but if was better than just using spit, he returned to the bed with the oil, he was then grabbed by the waist and yanked down toward Merlin, Merlin sucked his bottom lip into his own mouth. Arthur gasped when Merlin hooked his fingers into Arthur's trousers, he got the hint for them to be removed.

"You first." Arthur ordered. Merlin complied as he unbuckled his belt, pushed his trousers and underwear to the floor. Merlin's cock was fully erect and throbbing, drops of pre-cum leaked out. Arthur wrapped his hand around Merlin's cock after he applied the oil onto his hand and started to tug on his cock. Merlin bit down into his own hand, to muffle out the moans, his eyes lidded from pleasure.

"Arthur, ple- stop jerking me off, I-I'm not gonna last otherwise." Merlin struggled to speak coherently as Arthur used his other hand to ghost over Merlin's bollocks. "Shi- I wanna cum" Merlin gulped as an attempt to maintain control of his body."I wanna cum with you inside me." He said it, he said those words that Arthur secretly wanted to hear. Arthur removed his hands immediately and flipped Merlin onto his stomach. He hastily applied a moderate amount of oil onto his fingers. Merlin's tensed as Arthur fingered the outside of his hole.

"Relax," Arthur whispered huskily in Merlin's ear, Merlin nodded in reply.

"Sorry, it's er- been a long time." Merlin replied, Arthur observed how Merlin's ears blushed, he admitted it was a little bit adorable.

"Not for long Mer- _lin_." Arthur said as he slowly inserted his first finger, he waited for Merlin to adjust. "Fuck Merlin, you're so tight. I can't wait to put my cock in you." Merlin moaned into the bed. Arthur continued to pull his finger in and out at a moderate pace until Merlin started to fuck himself with his finger. Arthur then added a second finger and scissored him instead, that earned a gasp from Merlin. 

Arthur proceeded to fuck him with two fingers, Merlin constantly gasped into the bed, Arthur wanted to pull his fingers out and fuck him with his cock, but knew Merlin wasn't fully ready, yet. "Another." Merlin panted, "add another one now!" Arthur had no issue complying with Merlin's request and fucked Merlin hard with all three of his fingers. Merlin's gasps and moans started to increase with urgency as Arthur continued to open up Merlin. "A-ah." Merlin moaned as Arthur found his prostate, Arthur smiled smugly. 

Merlin started to fuck himself again with all three of Arthur's fingers as they continued to hit those bundle of nerves. 

_This is so hot._ _Never seen anyone so eager to be fucked!_

"Fuck! Ar- Arthur please or I will cum right now!" Arthur chuckled to himself and removed his fingers from Merlin's arse. He grabbed the bottle and smothered his dick with the oil, his hand shook slightly from nerves but also apprehension. It had also been awhile since Arthur had last fucked someone, but he wasn't going to admit that to Merlin.

He brushed the head of his penis against Merlin's hole, "you ready?" Merlin nodded and pulled himself up onto all fours whilst his head relaxed into the bed. Merlin choked out Arthur's name as he began to push his cock in Merlin and open him up. The sight of Merlin's arse taking in his cock made his cock twitch. Arthur waited a moment once he was fully seated, Merlin was so tight that Arthur was already on the verge of orgasm, he didn't want it to end prematurely, he wanted to enjoy fucking Merlin first.

Merlin however, appeared to be a bit impatient and gently thrusted his rear into Arthur. Arthur responded in kind as he slowly pulled out of Merlin but thrusted hard back into him. Merlin mumbled something incoherent as Arthur hit his prostate with his cock.

Arthur then proceeded to fuck Merlin at a steady rhythm, both were gasping and moaning. Arthur nudged Merlin's legs closer together, to give him better access to Merlin's cock, one of his hands trailed towards Merlin's cock. "No. Just fuck me!" Merlin whined. Arthur removed his hand and back onto Merlin's hip. He changed the angle slightly and increased the tempo. "Ah-yeah, like that Arthur!" Arthur continued to increase the tempo and hardness of the thrusts, it felt good, for both of them. Merlin's fingers curled into the bed, his spine curved down as he got closer to cumming.

_Crap! I'm gonna cum soon._

Merlin grabbed his own cock and jerked himself off with such desperation. "I-I think I'm gonna-" Merlin moaned frantically into the bed as cum spurted out his cock and onto Arthur's bed. It sent Arthur over the edge and emptied himself into Merlin. 

_ My God, that was something! _

Arthur waited til his breathing returned to normal before he removed himself from Merlin, both were covered in sweat. Arthur retrieved a towel and quickly wiped himself down before he offered the towel to Merlin. Merlin thanked him as he cleaned himself up. Merlin grabbed his clothes and got dressed, Arthur was unsure what to say to Merlin, he suddenly felt a bit awkward, as did Merlin.

Merlin walked toward the door, checked that Arthur was decent first before he opened the door. "Guess I'll see you around, Arthur" he smiled weakly as he left the room. Arthur laid back onto his bed and grinned at himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I'll get better at writing NSFW shiz as time goes on. I'll admit I struggled a lil bit with this chapter.  
> True fact, the only casuality the Allies suffered on OP CLAYMORE was an officer who self-inflicted a wound on his thigh.   
> Thank you for the kudos and comments so far, it is appreciated :D


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's POV after the incident on the ship. Merlin also receives some bad news and Arthur tries to comfort him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I've been back at work on night shifts recently and struggled with motivation to write. Also a little bit NSFW.

PLYMOUTH 11-MAR-1941

It had only been a couple of days since the unit returned from their successful raid in Norway. All Merlin could think about was what happened between him and Arthur as he was bulling his shoe absentmindedly.

"Merlin mate, I think that's been bulled enough." Gwaine said, he noticed how Merlin wasn't fulling paying attention.

"What? Ah-oh, yeah." Merlin replied and moved onto another section of shoe to bull. He dipped his bulling cloth into some shoe polish and almost applied onto the show when-

"Merlin, you do realise you're about to apply black polish onto your brown shoe?" Merlin glanced down at his hands and chucked the cloth away into his dirty laundry pile as he sighed deeply. "Are you alright Merlin? You seem to be really distracted."

"Yeah, no I am fine. I have just been thinking about what happened on that raid that's all." Merlin answered back.

"Ah yeah, it was rather brave of you, saving Captain Kemp's life after all. I knew you were fast, but not that fast!" It wasn't what Merlin was thinking of at all. He knew it was very careless and reckless of him, anyone could have heard or saw his eyes flashed gold as he used magic to ensure Arthur wasn't harmed. His actions of that whole day reminded him of being reckless and naive behaviour when he first settled in Camelot.

"Think I'm gonna have a shower, hopefully it'll help to clear my head." Merlin grabbed all the essentials and wandered toward the ablutions before Gwaine had chance to reply. He stood before a bathroom mirror, applied shaving cream and his razor to remove the day old stubble. 

Merlin stopped when he observed the bite Arthur left on his neck, he sighed. He wished Arthur chose a more discreet area to mark him, Gwaine kept on pestering how Merlin got the bruise until Merlin made some vague excuse about tripping over something whilst they were on the ship. He knows that Gwaine does not fully believe him but hasn't raised it up since.

_Stupid, stupid Merlin. Why did you do something so stupid as having sex with Arthur? You don't even like him._

Merlin knew that was a lie, whilst he wasn't friends with Arthur, he didn't dislike him, not anymore. The more his spent time or saw, the more he reminded him of his Arthur and he found it hard to dislike anyone who represented his best friend. But still, he didn't truly know why he kissed Arthur, maybe it was due the tension built up between from previous arguments. 

It could have been due to Merlin needing to get laid, desperately. Or maybe again, it was due to his resemblance of Arthur, especially when he asked what a 'dollop head' was, that was his Arthur he said. Merlin knew his feelings toward King Arthur weren't strictly platonic, but the realisation didn’t occur until after Arthur's death. He knew that it was selfish of him to use the current Arthur as an outlet or fantasy to be with his Arthur, but he didn't care , he'd been alone long enough. Merlin also slightly hoped that Arthur Kemp was in fact Arthur Pendragon.

_ But alas, it's not him. Otherwise he would remember everything and definitely would not have had sex with me. He was straight and married to Guinevere.  _

He continued to shave his face whilst trying not to think back on what happened on that ship. 

_How about you fuck me instead. Urgh, who says that? I don't say that! Even Arthur was surprised that I said that._

Merlin rested his head against his palms as he cringed of what he previously said. He peeked down.

_Great! Now I am half-hard. What is going on with me? I'm acting like a hormonal teenager._

Merlin quickly finished shaving, discarded his clothes and ran into the shower. He set the shower to cold, hoping that his erection would subside. 

_Just think of something, anything so this will go away. I know Gaius, naked. Yep just think about Gaius naked. What did he even looked like naked?_ _Why am I asking myself that? What is wrong with me?_

He glanced down, he'd now gone soft.

_Well that seemed to have done the trick. Let's not be thinking about that again anytime soon._

_***_

Gwaine handed him a letter when Merlin returned to their quarters. "Someone ask me to give you this when you returned." Merlin looked at the envelope, he recognised the writing, it was from Gwen. "Who's it from?" Gwaine enquired.

"Gwen. I don't know why she wrote me a letter, she lives close by and would've normally told me in person instead." Merlin started to become nervous, whatever the information was, it was serious. He reluctantly ripped the envelope and opened the letter.

28-FEB-1941

_Merlin,_

_I wrote you this letter as I wasn't sure if you'd be in England or away on a mission. I don't know how to write this, Merlin. Wilson's mum received a letter a few days ago and he's dead. He died in action whilst in France. He was buried in France, but his mum is to have a funeral at the local church at 11:00 12_ _th_ _March. I am so sorry Merlin, I hope you read this letter in time so you can attend the funeral. Sending you all my love._

_Yours,_

_Gwen._

He scrunched up the letter and tossed in some direction. He slid to the floor as he lent against a wall and curled up into a ball. Gwaine walked over to pick up the scrunched up letter and read it. A moment later, Merlin felt Gwaine sat next to him and held him as Merlin cried into his shoulder. They were sat like this until gradually stopped crying. 

"Do you want to talk about it Merlin?" Merlin shook his head immediately.

_ He's dead. Wilson is dead, I will never see him again. He'll never get to grow old and have a family and yet I am unable to die. Fate is so cruel. _

He continued to lay against Gwaine until the sun began to set and both of their stomachs rumbled. "Come on, shall we get some food? It might help to distract you." Gwaine smiled at him weakly, Merlin nodded back slightly. Despite Merlin lived for over a millennium, a death of a close friend always brought him sorrow, he could never get used to a loss of a friend. Gwaine helped pull Merlin up from the floor and they walked to the cookhouse together.

***

It had been less than a day since he received the news and he's already attended the funeral of his friend Wilson. Merlin was hesitant about attending, he felt like he needed time to grieve, but Gwaine managed to convince him so he could support his friend Gwen if not for himself. He managed not to cry during the funeral, otherwise he wouldn't be able to stop once he started. He was able to drink half of his pint halfheartedly and participated a little bit in conversation with Lance, Gwen and other locals whilst at the wake. But being with Gwen and the others at the pub reminded Merlin too much of Wilson and he decided to leave, not before giving Gwen and Lance a tight hug.

He grabbed his coat from the hanger and started to trek back to camp. Merlin made an extra effort of observing his surroundings as he walked, as an attempt to distract his thoughts about Wilson.

"Merlin!" It was Arthur, Merlin hadn't seen Arthur since left the ship, he assumed Arthur was busy with paperwork in regards to the raid. "Hey Merlin, how are you?" Arthur asked as he caught up to Merlin. Merlin turned around to face Arthur, it was evident that he'd been tearful recently. "Merlin. Are you alright?" Arthur asked now with concern, it was unusual for Merlin to be upset.

"I-I" Merlin stopped, he could feel his emotions wanting to burst out again and he didn't want to cry, not in front of Arthur, he would probably just tease him.

"Come on. How we got back to my place and we'll have some whisky. You can talk about then if you want. Somewhere a bit more private." Merlin nodded as Arthur guided him toward his quarters.

***

Arthur hand him a tumbler, half full of Scotch whisky. "Thanks." Merlin mumbled, he glanced around the room, it was quite nicely decorated considering there was a war going on, but he was an officer and had some luxuries in life. "Didn't think I'd be allowed in here, considering I'm a soldier and all." Merlin gestured to the room.

"It's the weekend and hardly anyone is around. Most people go back to their family when they have weekend leave. Me personally I'd rather stay here. Plus, no-one would be bothered, it's not like I'm bringing back a lady to my quarters" Arthur answered, Merlin smiled slightly at his reply. 

"And have you brought ladies back to your quarters?" Merlin asked as downed some of his drink, he was curious if Arthur was just attracted to men or not. The whisked burned the back of his throat and caused him to splutter.

"Can't handle your whisky Merlin? And no I have never brought any ladies back to my quarters for intimate reasons, if that's what your implying." Merlin gulped and felt a tad embarrassed for asking such a personal question. "But we're not here to talk about my sexual habits." Arthur necked the rest of his whisky before he refilled his tumbler and gestured for Merlin to sit on the couch beside him. 

"I know." Merlin stated, his fingers tapped on his thighs as he gazed at the floor. "I received some bad news yesterday." He necked the rest of his whisky and tried not to splutter afterwards. Merlin nodded as Arthur silently offered him more whisky, he noticed the tumbler contained more whisky that time round. "My friend, he-" Merlin raised his head and stared into one of the lights, to help deter the tears from appearing. 

Merlin took a deep breath, "he died." He felt Arthur shift slightly toward him. "He died whilst in France and today was the funeral." Merlin whispered. He expected Arthur to reply along the lines of 'man up' or 'this is war, people die all the time'. What he didn't expect was Arthur place one of his hands atop of Merlin's, circling Merlin's knuckles with his thumb. It felt very intimate, as someone in a relationship would do, not someone you've had sex once with and only recently stopped shouting at each other.

"I'm sorry." Arthur said.

"Arthur. It's okay, I'll get used to it, eventually. He's not the first person I've cared about to have died and he won't be the last." Merlin smiled weakly at him. "But thank you for letting me explain and not teasing me, like you normally would." Merlin slightly chuckled in an attempt to make light of the situation.

"You think I would tease you for crying?" Arthur scoffed but not seriously.

"I mean, you are Arthur Kemp. It's in your nature to tease and bully others."

"I do not bully. It's called character building." Arthur replied jokingly. He suddenly got serious again. "You will be okay Merlin?"

_This is slightly weird, I didn't think Arthur could care, he's almost being affectionate. It was easier when he was shouting at me._

"Yeah sure." Merlin shrugged.

_I have to get used to it, everyone I care about dies, whilst I will always stay like this. You think I would be used a bit more to it by now._

He felt Arthur's other hand on his cheek, caressing it gently as he turned Merlin's face to his. Arthur leaned in and lightly kissed Merlin on the lips, Merlin stared back at him briefly before he returned the gesture, only with more force.

They continued to kiss for a couple of minutes until Arthur moved back and knelt in front of Merlin instead. Arthur grabbed Merlin's belt and began to unbuckle it. "What are yo-"

"Shhhhhh" Arthur leaned up and placed a finger on Merlin's lips. "Let me take care of you." All Merlin could was nod briefly as Arthur continued to remove his clothing. Merlin's cock was half-hard once trousers and underwear were pulled down to his ankles. Arthur tenderly kissed his way up to Merlin's groin causing Merlin to gasp as he got closer to his now full erection.

Arthur kept on glancing up at Merlin, to make sure he was still okay and that Merlin was enjoying what he was doing. Once Arthur reached his way up to Merlin's erection, he licked Merlin's shaft tantalisingly slow. Merlin moaned hard, he could be as loud as he want, since there was no-one nearby to hear them. 

Merlin continued to moan as Arthur swallowed his erection and began to bob his head, slowly. He occasionally licked Merlin's tip as he continued to suck him off. It took Merlin all of his self-will to not thrust into Arthur's mouth, instead his gripped Arthur's hair. Arthur began to increase speed of the blowjob gradually until it was too much for Merlin.

"Arthur, I think I'm gonna-" Merlin was unable to stop and spilled himself into Arthur's mouth. Arthur slowly removed himself from Merlin and wiped his mouth. "Oh God I am so sorry, it's just it was so good and I was unable to stop myself it time, before finding out if you were okay to swallow." 

"Merlin." Arthur said as he sat beside him.

"Yes?"

"Stop waffling. If I didn't want to swallow, then I wouldn't have swallowed."

"M'okay." Merlin snuggled his head into Arthur's shoulder. "Thanks for that anyway. You didn't have to."

"It cheered you up though. Didn't it?" Arthur asked and kissed Merlin tenderly on the head.

"Yeah," Merlin sighed and closed his eyes as Arthur started to stroke his hair.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interlude chapter, Gwaine gets protective over Merlin.

PLYMOUTH, 10-APR-1941

_10-APR-1941_

_Dear Wilson,_

_It's been about a month since you passed away and I miss you so much. I miss the idea that I will never see your face again, receive your letters or get terrible relationship advice from you. Yes, you were awful about relationship advice, I can imagine the face that you're pulling right now._

_Speaking of terrible relationships, I had sex with Arthur, on a ship. He also gave me a blowjob the day of your funeral. I'm so confused, when I was at his place he being nice to me, even affectionate, compared to when we had sex just after the raid, that was full of lust and passion. He acted like he wanted to be friends with me and maybe even have feelings for me and then he goes back to being a complete prat._ _He picks on me every time during a lesson and makes me run all his errands_ _as though I am his personal servant._

_I hate that he's messing with my emotions, it's not that I have feelings for him or anything. But I thought we got past being a jerk phase, obviously I was wrong and it doesn't help that he looks like my best friend, not you Wilson. Although, you are one of my close friends. Also, turns out that I had feelings for my best friend, but didn't know until after he died. Why is this so complicated?_

_Gwen and Lance have decided to the wedding around October or November. They are to have the wedding at the local church and much to Gwaine's insistence, Lance is going to have a stag do. I don't think it will be the day before the wedding. Can’t imagine Gwen being too impressed if Lance turned up hungover on their wedding day._

_I still can't believe that you are gone, if it was possible I would take your place._

_All my love,_

_Merlin._

Merlin quickly read the letter before he sealed it an envelope. He felt butterflies in his stomach when he read the section about him and Arthur. He decided to ignore those butterflies and used an enchantment to conceal the letter from prying eyes. Merlin picked up his scrunched up clean clothes, he was about to iron his uniform when Gwaine entered the room.

"Hey" said Gwaine.

"Hey, yourself." Replied Merlin, he continued to set up his ironing.

"You busy at the moment?" Asked Gwaine.

"Well, as you can see I was about to iron my uniform for next week." Merlin gestured to the pile of clothes.

"So not really then." Gwaine grinned, Merlin knew Gwaine had put in extra effort to try cheer him up since he received the news of Wilson's passing. "Anyway, I have decided we are going down to the pub for a couple of drinks."

"Any particular reason?" Merlin asked.

"Well, it is a special day today." Gwaine removed the iron from Merlin's hand, Merlin was clueless he could not think what was the special occasion Gwaine was speaking of.

"What occasion? You know Lance's stag do isn't due for a couple of months at least."

"Merlin are you being serious?" Gwaine scoffed a little bit.

"What, I genuinely don't know what you're talking about?" Merlin seriously tried to think again of what Gwaine meant. Gwaine just rolled his eyes at him.

"It's your birthday Merlin! Do you seriously not know when it is your birthday?" Gwaine was slightly shocked that it did not click for Merlin that it's his own birthday.

"Oh yeah" Merlin replied. To be honest Merlin does not truly know when it is his actual birthday, he'd been alive for so long and the calendar had changed since then, he just chose a random date for his birthday when authenticating his passport. 

"So, are we going out to celebrate then?" 

"Yeah I guess, it that's what you want?" 

"It's not about what I want Merlin. If you really don't wanna go to have drinks then we don’t have to. I just thought it would be good idea to celebrate and help you with, you know Wilson." Gwaine shrugged.

"Gwaine, that was really good of you to think of me. Come on, we'll go down for a couple of drinks. Only a couple though, we are not getting drunk!"

"Aha, that's what you think Merlin." Gwaine winked and proceeded to change into evening attire. Merlin followed suit and began to change also.

"How did you know it was my birthday anyway?" Merlin asked as he removed the last of his work wear. Gwaine turned around to face him after he'd done up his tie.

"I may, or may not have had a sneaky look at your passport." Gwaine smirked.

"Okay, slightly weird." Merlin stated, he pulled his second best jumper over his head.

"Hey." Gwaine replied, slightly offended, Merlin stuck his tongue out at him. "It was with good intentions, I like to know the birth dates of all my friends and you aren't the easiest to divulge information from."

"I appreciate it, even if it’s a bit creepy. I just don't really celebrate my birthday after all." Merlin shrugged.

"Well, we certainly are gonna celebrate it tonight." Gwaine turned away from Merlin and began brushed his hair.

_Oh Lord, what have I got myself into?_

_***_

The pair were walking away from camp, laughing from Gwaine's most recent remark when they were stopped by someone. It was Arthur.

_Why is it always him?_

"Where are you going?" Arthur asked sternly, he didn't look impressed that Merlin was with Gwaine, Gwaine picked up on the un-amused look.

"What business is it of yours?" Gwaine sneered back, Merlin's eyes widened in shock from Gwaine's reply, this was not how he expected the night out to start.

"Is that any way to speak to your superior?" Arthur retorted. 

"No, but it is the weekend and we're not in work." Gwaine folded his arms, becoming all defensive. 

"Gwaine." Merlin warned, he placed his hand onto Gwaine's arm. He noticed that Arthur grimaced when he touched Gwaine, as though he wasn't allowed to touch him.

"No Merlin, he needs to stop acting like a 'prat' as you would say and think he can get away with it, officer or not". Gwaine shrugged Merlin's hand off and squared up to Arthur. "Listen here _Sir_. Me and Merlin are going to the pub. You want to know why? One, because it is the weekend and it's our free time. Two, today is Merlin's birthday and we wanted to celebrate. And three, his friend pass away recently. Not that you would know or care-"

"Gwaine!" Merlin shouted, Gwaine backed off slightly from Arthur.

"What Merlin?" Gwaine shouted back.

"Just leave him alone, he was just asking us a question, let's go."

"Are you seriously defending him?" Gwaine scoffed.

"No, but I'm hungry and this isn't a way spend a birthday is it?" Merlin smiled weakly at his friend.

"You're right Merlin, he's not worth it." Gwaine spat. "Also, he's a medic not your errand boy, stop making him doing stupid little tasks." Gwaine poked his finger into Arthur's chest. Merlin could tell that Arthur was about to lose it with Gwaine, he needed to deescalate the situation, now.

Merlin pulled his friend away aggressively from Arthur and shoved him toward the direction of the pub. He waited until Arthur was out of earshot before they spoke. "What the hell was that about Gwaine?" Gwaine ignore him and continued walking.

"Gwaine! Answer me!" He grabbed onto Gwaine's arm again, but this time to stop him walking.

"What Merlin? He was being rude and I don't like the way he's been treating you recently." It was slightly endearing for Merlin that Gwaine felt like he had to protect his friends, just like the Gwaine from Camelot.

"He was just asking us a question. He might have said it slightly rude, but that's what he's like, you know this." Merlin answered back.

"Why are you defending him again Merlin? He doesn’t deserve your kindness." 

"Let's just say that you don't know him like I do. He can be nice when he wants to be."

"Well I've never seen that side of him. Just be careful with him Merlin, I don't want to see you getting hurt." Gwaine said with slight concern.

Merlin wasn't sure what Gwaine meant by that. "Yeah Gwaine, I'll be careful. I can look after myself. Come on, let's go the pub."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments :) I'm gonna try to update this twice a week depending on my shift patterns with work.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is away on a course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arthur's POV, small filler chapter.

LONDON, 26-APR-1941

The day after the incident between him and Gwaine, Arthur left Plymouth to attend a course. It was to last a month, the course was based on how the Commandos are to train and operate in raids, in the near future. The lectures had finished for the day and he now had the weekend off. Normally, if he were at Plymouth, he would prepare for next week, go the gym or spend time with Leon if was around and didn't go him to visit his family. 

Or maybe, if Merlin was willing, he would have spent some time with him. It was very rare that Arthur saw the guy again after he'd slept with them, but then he did not much of a choice since they were based at the same unit. However, with Merlin, he wouldn't have mind being with him again, even if Gwaine was not keen on the idea of Arthur being near Merlin.

_Who does Gwaine think he is? He doesn't know me and how dare he assume that I didn't know about Merlin's friend passing away?_

There was just something about Merlin, he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but he wanted to be around Merlin and maybe not just for sex. Like he actually enjoyed his company and he no longer enjoyed the fact that he had to be rude or be a 'prat' in Merlin's words. He had to do it in front of the others, he did not want to raise any suspicion, at all. He couldn't risk it. 

But there was no agreement between him and Merlin, the last time he properly spoke to Merlin last was on the day of Wilson's funeral and they have never discussed an arrangement between them, it just kind of happened. 

_Thinking back on that day, I was acting kind of affectionate toward him, as though we're a couple. But we're not! We're just sort of friends that give each other relief sometimes. I was being extra nice to him as he just found out his friend pass away. I definitely do not have any feelings toward him at all. I need a drink to distract myself from all of this._

Arthur groaned into his hand, he doesn't do feelings, ever. It just makes everything complicated and in the past, he'd just hook up with some random guy at a secret bar. He'd never been in a proper relationship before and doesn’t intend to be in one now.

He picked up his coat and walked toward the closest pub, fortunately the course didn't require him to wear his military uniform so he didn't have to change beforehand.

***

An hour later, Arthur was sat in a corner and nursing a beer. From the corner of his eye, he noticed an individual walking toward him and he was attractive, very attractive.

"Good evening, may I join you?" The stranger asked.

"Yeah sure." Arthur  replied, he took the time to observe the stranger that now sat opposite him. He was the type that Arthur usually went for.

_Shame about the hair though, he'd be even hotter if his hair was black._

"So what's brought you to London?"

"How do you know I'm not from round here?" Arthur asked, he also noticed that the stranger was eyeing him up and liked what he saw in Arthur.

"Well I've never seen you here before." The stranger shrugged his shoulders "plus, I would definitely have remembered someone like you" he smirked. Arthur rolled his eyes at the cheesy line he just heard.

"Fair point." Arthur took a swig of his drink, he glanced back at the stranger, he was staring at him with desire. Arthur was slightly shocked with himself that he didn't reciprocate those feelings. 

_Maybe I'm just not in the mood, it has been a long day._

"How about you and me get out of here and go somewhere a bit more private." The stranger looked around the room, to check that no-one else was watching them, he grazed Arthur's wrist with his fingers.

"As much as I would like to, I'm afraid I have got an early start tomorrow, so I'll have to decline." Arthur lied.

_What is wrong with me? Why did I just lie to him? I never decline such a proposal._

"Shame" the stranger replied, sounding a bit slighted, he downed his drink and left Arthur with his. Arthur stared into his drink, thinking about what had just happened.

_Seriously, why did I not go with him? This is not like me. I mean he was attractive, apart from not having black hair, those blue eyes and a slightly scrawny frame._

Arthur drained the rest of his drink when realisation hit him.

_ Oh God! Am I just attracted to Merlin? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is in denial basically, he hasn't experienced anything like this before.
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos :)


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The unit spend the day on the ranges, an accident happens. Arthur ends up being annoyed with Merlin, as usual. Merlin's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lil bit NSFW at the end. I really enjoyed writing this chapter.

PLYMOUTH, 14-MAY-1941

Merlin always dreaded these days. Days that were spent on the ranges, they were boring and tedious. Not to mention that Merlin was a bad shot, probably the worst at the unit. He was fortunate that his main role was being a medic and not an infantryman, otherwise they would have probably kicked him out of the Army. 

"Make safe!" Arthur shouted. They had just finished practising aimed shots from a 200 metre distance, whilst in the kneeling position. Merlin carried out the make safe drill on his rifle, Merlin was very careful when he carried out a weapon drill, he didn’t want to misfire. As that would result in punishment and a possible charge. He tried his best on trying not to give Arthur a reason to shout at him, he had a feeling that Arthur no longer enjoyed shouting or punishing Merlin, even though Gwaine disagreed and still disliked the Captain.

A shot fired, everyone went silent. "Who the fuck did that?" Arthur screamed, as Arthur glared at all of his men waiting for someone to own up their mistake, Merlin could hear a cry of pain in the distance. He searched in front of him. He saw a middle-aged man, laying on the floor whilst screaming his lungs out from the pain. The dog that he was walking was also barking to inform someone that something was wrong. Merlin assumed that the civilian was unaware of this being a range and didn't notice the do not enter or danger signs. 

Without a second thought, Merlin grabbed his medical Bergen and dashed across the range, that man needed medical attention urgently. "Smith, what are you doing? Get back here this instant!" Arthur shouted at him, Merlin briefly glanced back Arthur and smirked at him, he saw Arthur become slightly more enraged as though he knew Merlin was about to disregard his order.

"Can't do that Sir, someone needs my help." Merlin shouted back at him and continued to run toward the injured man. It took Merlin about a minute to reach the individual. "Hi, my name is Merlin. You look like you need some help, where does it hurt?" The individual groaned as he used his hand and pointed at his right calf. 

_Okay so I'm not concerned he's going to bleed out on me in a couple of minutes. But he still needs hospital attention to remove the bullet and stem the bleeding completely._

Merlin removed a tourniquet, bandage and gauze from his bergen. He applied the tourniquet just below the knee and tightened it until his patient started to complain of the pain.

_Good, he's still awake and now the bleeding is under control._

Next, Merlin put the gauze over the wound and applied pressure, once he was content with the pressure applied, he grabbed the bandage and secured the gauze. He then scrounged for his radio and contacted for someone to grab a stretcher and a vehicle large enough to transport a patient. 

"Hey. What's your name?" Merlin asked his patient.

"It's Frank" he groaned. "What the hell happened to me?"

"Well Frank, you got shot. This is the ranges where we practice shooting. Did you not notice the warning signs?" Merlin asked, Frank shook his head. 

"Great! The would explain the pain then."

"Would you like something to numb the pain?" Merlin enquired, Frank nodded immediately. Merlin remove a vial of Morphine and give Frank a dose intravenously. He gave just enough to reduce the pain but not too much that it would start to affect his breathing. The effect was almost instantaneous. 

"Thanks." Frank mumbled.

"No problem, we're just waiting for a stretcher and we'll drive you across to the local hospital." Merlin began to re-pack his bergen when the stuff he requested finally arrived. It also came with an amused Gwaine and a ticked off Arthur. Merlin pointed at the two Privates that just got of the vehicle. "You two, grab the stretcher and help me get Frank onto the stretcher." They did as Merlin asked, Frank now laid on the stretcher.

"Right, now it'll take four of us to lift up the stretcher safely and put him in the back of the vehicle." Merlin observed how both Gwaine and Arthur both approached the stretcher and Arthur took a step back when Gwaine glared at him. Each of them grabbed a corner of the stretcher. "On my command of lift, we'll lift up the stretcher and move, okay?" They all nodded back at him. "Right then, 1,2,3, lift." The stretcher was no longer on the ground and now secured at the back of the vehicle.

"You Private?" Merlin looked at the soldier in front of him.

"Er Johnson, Corporal." The young Private replied.

"Right Private Johnson, if you would be so kind. Could you drive us to the hospital as Frank here will need surgery. I'll be in the back keeping an eye on him, making sure he's okay throughout the journey."

"Yes Corporal." Everyone apart from Merlin, removed themselves from the back of the vehicle. Arthur closed the door behind him, Merlin noticed that Arthur was pissed off with him, he recognised all the signs now since he annoyed Arthur that often.

_I'll deal with that later, don't have time right now._

Merlin banged on the vehicle. "Okay, we can go now." Merlin shouted. 

***

"Let's just get this over with." Merlin mumbled to himself, he was stood outside of Arthur's office. Although Arthur never officially requested to see Merlin, he felt as though he needed to explain himself to Arthur. He knocked on the door.

"Enter." He heard Arthur faintly shout, Merlin opened the door and saw Arthur neutral expression turn into a scowl as soon as he saw Merlin. "Ah, it's you."

"Yep it's me. Can I come in?" Merlin asked sheepishly, he sat in the chair that Arthur gestured to. "I came here to explain my actions on what happened earlier on, at the ranges. You seemed pretty mad about it all." Merlin found it a bit hard to look at Arthur in the eye at first.

"You think?" Arthur scoffed, he became all defensive and folded his arms.

"Well what do you expect me to do?" Merlin shouted and pointed his arm at a wall. "There was a casualty for God sake. I couldn't leave him there to bleed out. I'm a medic, it's my job to help others in need, especially when they have been injured!"

"Yeah Merlin. And it's my job to ensure all of my subordinates are safe when on the ranges. You running across the ranges, when someone had just misfired was an absolutely stupid and reckless thing to do. Not to mention you completely disregarded my order. Again!" Arthur flung himself off of his chair, stormed around his desk and squared up to Merlin. "Do you like ignoring my orders? Get a kick off of it? Do realise that you make me look incompetent in front of your colleagues, by not obeying me?"

At that point, Arthur's nose was nearly touching Merlin's. Merlin could feel Arthur's breath ghosting on his lips, it was starting to get tense, Merlin could sense it.

"You are too reckless to be a Lance Corporal. I should have your rank taken off you." Arthur smirked, as though he knew that would get a reaction off of Merlin and it did.

_Is he seriously being for real? Well if I going to lose my rank, might as well give him a piece of my mind."_

"Seriously? Does it bother you that much? Well I'm sorry for doing _my_ job. I'm sorry that I was trying to save that man's life. I'm sorry for running across the ranges because I was thinking of his life first and mine second. I'm sorry for _disobeying_ your order. So you take my sorrys and shove it up your arse, _Sir_."

After Merlin finished ranting at Arthur, he turned away from him and headed toward the door. Arthur grabbed his wrist before he had chance to open the door. "Get off me" Merlin shouted at Arthur, still faced away from him. Arthur squeezed Merlin's wrist tighter and spun him around to face him. "Fuck you Arthur!" Merlin stared at him, Arthur stared back at him, both filled up with tension.

Merlin made the first move and kissed Arthur, hard. Arthur gasped in surprise as Merlin quickly moved onto biting his lip. Merlin kept on nipping Arthur's skin as he made his way down to his clavicle, once he reached there, he bit Arthur so hard it caused him to bleed a bit.

"Fuck Merlin." Arthur groaned, it didn't last though, Merlin knew Arthur was the one who liked to be the one in control. Arthur pushed Merlin against his office desk and yanked Merlin's trousers and underwear to the floor. He then reached over and pulled out some lube from his top draw. Arthur did not waste any time and lubricated up two of his fingers, which were then immediately inserted into Merlin's puckered hole. 

Merlin moaned hard into the desk, he heard Arthur quickly remove his own trousers and underwear, he then inserted a third finger, fucking Merlin with his fingers. Merlin felt as though he was going to cum with Arthur only finger fucking him. He replaced his fingers with his dick, he didn't wait for Merlin to adjust fully and started to pump into him. Neither of them lasted long, it had been about two months since they last fucked. Merlin felt Arthur move away from him as soon as he finished.

_Well that escalated quickly!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and comments, they keep me going 😊


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys enjoy a day off down at the beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

PLYMOUTH, 27-AUG-1941

He could feel the intensity of the sun on his pale chest. The last few months of training had definitely resulted in Merlin filling out even more, he'd never been this defined before. Gwaine was rubbing the last bit of sun lotion onto his back. That's when he noticed Arthur and Leon arriving on the beach, they decided to lay down their towels a couple feet away from Merlin and Gwaine. Merlin directly looked into Arthur's eyes, he looked annoyed.

 _Is Arthur jealous? Of Gwaine?_

Merlin tried not to outright stare at Arthur as he saw him peel off his shirt, he never seen his chest bare before. It rendered him stunned, he didn’t think it was possible for someone to have such a chiselled chest, he couldn't stop staring.

"Merlin, what are you staring at?" Gwaine asked him.

"No-nothing" Merlin squeaked, he was blushing profusely. He also saw Arthur smirking at him, it caused Merlin's stomach to drop and experience that funny fluttering sensation.

_Nope, nope! This is not happening again, I do not have feelings for him. I was just caught off guard by his chest, that's all._

Merlin blushed again at the thought of being caught staring at Arthur. He couldn't help it and he ended up staring at Arthur again, but this time, he looked at Arthur in detail. He noted every freckle and scar he could see on Arthur's exposed flesh. It resulted in him being semi-hard. Merlin needed to get rid of it and quickly, otherwise they would never let in down if someone noticed.

"It's hot, I'm gonna cool down in the sea." Merlin lied.

"Mate, I just put the sun cream on you, it'll come off and you'll burn." Gwaine replied.

"I'll be fine." Merlin smiled, he wrapped his towel around him in an attempt to conceal his semi and hurried down into the sea. He flung his towel off of him as his feet were submerged in the sea. He continued to waddle into the sea until it reached his hips and he dunked his head underwater. He remained underwater until he started to feel himself going soft.

He brought his head up out of the water and opened his eyes. In front of him was Arthur and Leon, swimming in the sea. As Arthur swam past him, he saw Arthur smirk at him deviously.

_Crap, he knows!_

_ *** _

An hour later Gwaine was fed up of sunbathing and managed to convince Merlin and Percy to search through some caves nearby. Percy was new to the unit, he joined about a month ago. He also happened to be the youngest, he just turned eighteen when he arrived at the unit. Although he had a look of the old Percy, he was definitely the right height but not as broad and muscular. But then, he was only eighteen years old. As soon as Percy arrived at the unit, Gwaine took him under his wing and they quickly bonded. Merlin still wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not for Percy, Gwaine was a terrible influence. But Percy seemed to enjoy their company and joined them on their regular outings.

"We're not gonna get lost are we?" Percy asked. The cave that they were exploring this time was a lot more complex compared to the other ones they had just explored.

"Nah Percy we'll be fine. I'll look after ya." Gwaine replied, he continued to walk further into the cave.

"So that means, we're gonna end up lost." Merlin grinned at Percy.

"Hey!" Gwaine shouted "I have a wonderful sense of direction." He pouted at Merlin.

"Oh yeah? Is Percy aware of that time you got us so lost-" before Merlin had time to finish his statement, Gwaine attempted to tackle Merlin to the ground, despite it being hard slippery rock. Fortunately, Merlin had gained more muscle recently and was able to prevent Gwaine's manoeuvre being successful outright. Gwaine still managed to get Merlin onto his knees. 

"Ow Gwaine! You git, you could've hurt me." Merlin slapped Gwaine on his arm, slightly playfully.

"Pffft, you're fine. If not, you're a medic. You can treat yourself." Gwaine winked at him.

"Ha bloody ha Gwaine. Help me up anyway." Gwaine helped pull Merlin up and were now in close proximity of each other. That's when Arthur found them.

"Leave." Arthur stated, sternly.

"Excuse me?" Percy replied "Sir" he added on when he saw Arthur raise an eyebrow at him.

"There's er- a dog loose and it needs to be caught." Merlin shot him an unconvincing look.

_A dog, you couldn't think of a better lie? How is he in charge of us? And I thought I was bad at lying._

"Now!" All three of them started to leave the save as they did not want to face Arthur's wrath if they disobeyed him, although technically it was their day off. Arthur grabbed Merlin's arm to stop him from following the other two. "Not you, I need to have a word with you Smith."

Gwaine looked back and gave Merlin a concerned look. "It’s okay guys, I won't be long and will help you to find that _dog_ as soon as we have finished talking." Merlin said, Gwaine wasn't happy leaving Merlin with Arthur, Merlin could tell, but he still left the cave with Percy. Merlin waited a minute before he spoke to Arthur.

"A dog? Really?" Merlin chuckled, Arthur just shrugged his shoulders.

"It wasn't my best lie, I'll admit it. Still got them to leave though." 

"Yeah, I think Gwaine only left because I told him I'll be okay. He still has a grudge against you, you know." Merlin leaned against the cave wall. 

"Well the feeling is mutual." Arthur replied back, Merlin could detect a hint of bitterness from Arthur.

"What have you got against Gwaine? Well apart from the way he speaks to you sometimes." Merlin enquired.

"I just don’t like him." Arthur said, Merlin knew it wasn't the complete truth, but he didn't want to press on, it would result in Arthur shutting off completely from him.

"Anyway." Merlin looked around the cave. "What are you doing here?" He landed his gaze onto Arthur, more specifically his chest and slowly down to his naval, he swallowed hard. He could feel Arthur's gaze on him.

"To find you." Arthur simply stated.

"Me?" Merlin questioned, he was actually surprised that Arthur actively seek him out. Since the incident on the ranges back in May, they'd had given each other the occasional hand job, but they held a proper conversation with each other. 

"Yes, you Merlin. Why are you surprised?" Arthur was gazing at Merlin's chest and abdomen, his eyes widened slightly in appreciation.

"Well yes, we haven't spoken to each other recently and we've only done stuff if we're both passing by after work hours." Merlin replied. Arthur took a step toward him.

"What if I'm not here to talk Merlin?" Arthur was now in close proximity to Merlin, Merlin could vaguely feel Arthur's breath on his cheek. 

"What are you here for then?" Merlin said, pretending to play dumb. He knew what Arthur was here for, just the thought of it made him semi-hard. 

"You know what I'm here for." Arthur replied, he stroked Merlin's clavicle with a finger, Merlin shuddered under his touch.

Merlin hooked his fingers around Arthur's swim shorts as he began to kneel, he could hear Arthur's breath hitch, Merlin hadn't given him a blowjob before. It had been a long time since he last performed oral sex, on anyone. 

When Merlin was in line with Arthur's now erect penis, he pulled the shorts to the floor and immediately licked Arthur's tip painfully slow.

"Oh God Merlin." Arthur moaned loudly, his moan echoed in the cave.

Merlin removed his mouth from Arthur's manhood. "Shh, do you have to be so loud? Someone might hear us. You could have been followed."

"Don't care Merlin!" Arthur replied bluntly, his reaction caused Merlin to smirk and he continued to suck Arthur off, he could tell Arthur was struggling to not thrust into his mouth. After a couple of minutes, Merlin lightly fingered the outside of Arthur's puckered hole, Arthur gasped. Within a minute of fingering his hole, Arthur came into Merlin's mouth. Merlin pulled back after he swallowed and looked up to Arthur.

_God, Arthur looks so hot right now._

Before Merlin had chance to ask Arthur how it was, Arthur spun him around to face away from him and pulled down his swim shorts. "What are ah?" Merlin exclaimed, Arthur pressed him against the cave wall and put his tongue to Merlin's entrance. It was a whole new experience and sensation for Merlin, no-one had ever given him a rim job before, it was total bliss.

_This maybe the best thing ever!_

Arthur took Merlin's gasps and moans as a good sign and continued to tongue Merlin's hole as he started to jerk him off as well. It was too much for Merlin, he lasted even less than Arthur did and came against the wall. He was the shoved around so he was now facing Arthur, he grabbed Merlin's face and kissed him passionately, the kiss had so much emotion and feeling. And Merlin, loved it, a bit too much. After Arthur finished kissing Merlin, he gave Merlin a small smile and began to leave the cave. Merlin took advantage and inspected Arthur's back, he didn't have as much freckles and scars compared to his chest. But he had something on his lower back.

_Is that a tattoo?_

Merlin took a few steps forward so he could see the tattoo clearly.

_Oh my- is that? That is- That's the Pendragon sigil!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lil bit of fluff I suppose before the plot develops and things between them get a bit rocky


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin attends Lance's stag do

PLYMOUTH, 15-SEP-1941

_15-Sep-1941_

_Dear Wilson,_

_It has been five months since I have last wrote to you and a few things have happened, mostly with Arthur. Gwaine nearly got into a fight with him on my 'birthday'. I also forgot when it was my birthday, I only went out to celebrate because Gwaine remembered (he also went through my things saw my fake birth certificate). That's when it kicked off between Arthur and Gwaine, they have been barely civil since._

_Me and Arthur, well things got heated back in May. He shouted at me after I ran across the ranges, a civilian got injured after someone misfired. When I went to his office after I took the patient to the hospital, we argued and then ended up having sex, it was a bit like hate sex. After that we have given each other hand jobs if we were passing by, but we've never spoke properly since._

_He also tongued me, down there. No-one has ever done that to me before, this happened in August when we spent the day down at the beach. It was also the first time I saw him without a shirt on, he was mesmerising. I can't deny it any longer, I do have some feelings for him. Whenever I see him now, I get this feeling in my stomach. I can’t remember the last time I experienced that sensation._

_But why him? He's such a prat. I don't know if it because he reminds me of my Arthur, especially in the looks department. I'll admit, the feelings I had toward King Arthur were not strictly platonic. However, I never acted on them because he was married to Gwen and it was my duty to protect him, nothing more. I don’t know whether I should act on my feelings and maybe tell him, I think he might feel the same way. But I'm afraid of rejection, I don't want it to become awkward between us. It's bad enough between us sometimes. But also what if it is my Arthur, as he was leaving from the cave, I saw a tattoo and it was the Pendragon sigil. No-one could ever know what it looked like, apart from those who lived in Camelot. If it is my Arthur, but doesn't realise it yet (think the old religion has something to do with it), what will happen when he does? Would regret me what happened between us then? He was definitely straight and loved Gwen._

_ It has been six months since you have been gone, it still hurts, but not as much now. Guess I am slowly dealing with the fact that I'll never see you again. Even if there is a heaven and you're up there, I'll still never see you as I can't die. I'm surprised I haven't become seriously depressed or gone mad. Anyway, it is Lance's stag do tonight, it'll be nothing too fancy. We'll be drinking at local bars, no doubt Gwaine will try to drink everyone under the table, I'll have a drink for you. _

_All my love,_

_Merlin._

***

It was nine o'clock in the evening and Merlin was tipsy, very tipsy. It had been awhile since Merlin had been quite intoxicated. They had been participating drinking games for a couple of hours now and they were all thoroughly enjoying it. Somehow, Lance ended up wearing bright pink lipstick and a dunce cap, Gwaine brought the stuff and no-one dared to question him as to how he acquired the items. Gwaine was also wearing the lipstick after he lost a bet, somehow he suited it, Merlin thought.

They had now moved onto dares and decided to use an empty bottle. One of Lance's friends span it, it landed on Merlin.  "I dare Merlin" the bloke looked around the table to select his victim "to kiss Gwaine on the cheek." All the lads laughed at the dare as though it was some big deal to kiss for Merlin to kiss another man.

_If only they knew._

Merlin turned to face Gwaine and moved toward his friend's cheek. Gwaine on the other hand, had other ideas, he grabbed Merlin's face, stared at him for a moment and then kissed Merlin on lips in jest, he even added a bit of tongue. The whole group whooped and laughed at them, as Merlin's lips were now faintly covered with the lipstick. He blushed in embarrassment, Gwaine winked at him and squeezed his shoulder.

"Nice one lads." One of the lads laughed, along with all of the other spectators. "Merlin it’s your turn to spin the bottle." Merlin span it and it landed on Lance. 

_Oh this has got to be a good dare, one where no-one will let Lance ever forget it._

Merlin started to glance around the room to get an idea of what Lance's dare could be. As he looked over to the pub entrance he saw Leon and Arthur, both staring at him. Arthur stared at his lips and then Gwaine's, both covered in smudged lipstick, he looked hurt, extremely hurt. Arthur then left the building with Leon quickly following him behind.

_Oh shit, what did he see?_

***

The next day, Merlin and all the other lads who attended Lance's stag do felt very hungover and very sorry for themselves. For some reason, Arthur decided to do a full kit inspection. On a Saturday, when it was meant to be their day off. Time that was meant to be spent recovering in their bed, not stood to attention waiting for their Boss to inspect their kit and trying not to heave in the process.

_Is this due to what happened last night? No it can't be. We probably just forgot about the inspection, we definitely drank enough alcohol to which could induce memory loss._

It was Merlin's turn for his kit to be inspected, Merlin always ensured that his kit was clean and in good condition. But apparently that was not good enough, not for Arthur anyway.

"Corporal Smith." Arthur stated, he looked at Merlin with a blank expression.

"Morning Sir." Merlin replied back. Arthur began to inspect his sleeping system.

"Smith, what is this?" Arthur pointed at the offending item on his sleeping system.

"Er, a bit of thread Sir." Merlin was struggling to see what he could have been pulled up for, he checked that everything was clean just before the inspection was about to commence.

_Am I being pulled up because there is a bit of thread? Is he being for real? God, he is an actual Prat. The Prat of all Prats._

"Yes thread, this is unacceptable." Arthur continued to inspect the rest of the kit. He also picked up on Merlin's knife, it had a mark on it.

_That knife came with that mark!_

Merlin knew there was no point speaking up to Arthur, he was in a fool mood and Merlin didn’t want to receive even more punishments. At the end of his inspection, Merlin was punished by cleaning half of the units rifles, everyone thought it was very harsh, Merlin included. They all waited till their Captain and was definitely out of earshot before they spoke to one another.

"God, who shoved a stick up his arse!" Gwaine exclaimed, he also received the same punishment as Merlin. 

"He's just in a bad mood that's all" Merlin tried to justify Arthur's foul temper, Gwaine gave Merlin an unconvinced look. "A really bad mood" Merlin said. Gwaine took his temper out on his kit and shoved into his cupboard. Gwaine did have plans to go on a date with one of the local lasses later that afternoon, clearly that wasn't happening anymore.

"Well" Percy started to speak, he was quite fortunate and only got picked up for one thing and got away with a caution. "I think our Captain saw you two locking lips and for some he didn’t look happy, at all."

"God! It was only a kiss, why would he get so upset about that?" Gwaine asked, but Merlin knew the answer.

_I think he might have feelings for me and I may have just ruined my chance._

_***_

Merlin decided to risk it and try to talk things through with Arthur. It was late evening as Merlin approached Arthur's office, he knew Arthur was in as he saw candles flickering and Merlin could see his shadow vaguely through the door window.

"Sir, Arthur." Merlin knocked on the door. "It's me Merlin, I was wondering if we could talk?" Merlin listened for an answer, but there wasn't one. "Arthur" Merlin pleaded as he banged on the door. "Please can we talk, I think you saw something yesterday and I want to explain myself." Still no reply. "Whatever you saw last night, it didn’t mean anything, it was just a stupid dare." All Merlin heard was silence from the office. He waited for a minute until he gave up reluctantly, he sighed deeply and walked away from the office. 


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur tries to forget what he saw between Merlin and Gwaine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, work has been busy. Hope you like the chapter, shorter than I liked it to be. Enjoy!

LONDON, 30-SEP-1941

After a hard couple of weeks, Arthur decided he needed to take a break from Plymouth and spend the weekend in London. He needed to get way from the unit, from Merlin. It still hurt every time he saw Merlin, he wanted to believe what Merlin had confessed to him outside of his office a couple of weekends ago. But when he saw Merlin blush and it looked like both of them enjoyed the kiss.

_I thought I meant something to him, I thought he might have feelings for me. But he likes Gwaine, I saw the way they looked at each other, how Gwaine caressed Merlin's face and basically made out with him. At how Merlin blushed after kiss, as though he enjoyed it. They certainly had guts to do it in public, that they aren't ashamed to hide their affections for one another. That would explain why they are together all the time. I thought there was something going on between us, something more, but clearly it was just something sexual. Does Gwaine know what me and Merlin were up to? God, why do I feel like this? Is it cause I have feelings for him, is this what it feels like?_

Without realising, Arthur had wandered into the bathroom. He stared at his own reflection, to put it mildly, he looked like shit. He'd been struggling to fall asleep for the past few nights and it showed with dark bags present under his eyes. 

_I need to go out, I need to forget what I saw between the two of them._

With that, Arthur returned to his bedroom, unpacked his suitcase and picked out his outfit for the evening. He was going out on the town.

***

It took about five or six drinks of neat scotch for Arthur to finally struggle on recollecting what happened between Merlin and Gwaine. Arthur always had a weakness for good Scotch, it went down too easily and normally he would have to restrain himself from drinking too much of the stuff, but that was not the case tonight. He fully intended to get rat-arsed. He almost slid off his chair as he slammed down his empty glass, he took a moment to gain composure, he didn't want to raise any suspicion and get kicked out of the bar.

Arthur was about to heckle the barman over to order another drink when a bloke sat on the stool next to him, he gave the stranger a weak smile and continued to ignore him so he could get his next drink. The bartender took Arthur's order after he waited for a couple of minutes.

"I'll have what he's having, this round is on me." The stranger stated.

"Thanks." Arthur murmured. "I can get my own drink though. I hope you like scotch." The stranger chuckled at Arthur's blunt response.

"I know, I could guess by how expensive your suit looks that you're able to afford your own drink. But you also look like you could use some _company_." Arthur knew what the stranger actually meant, the establishment was also a secret haven for gentlemen to enjoy one another's company.

The stranger held out his hand. "The name is John." Arthur shook his hand, he knew the name was a lie, they all used fake names to reduce the risk of their real identity being revealed.

"Nice to meet you _John,_ the name is Ben." Arthur lied back to him. John passed Arthur his drink, Arthur took a big swig of it, it burned the back of his throat like all the previous drinks.

"So Ben. You from round here then?" John asked. Arthur paused before he replied and inspected the bloke who sat next to him. He was attractive, his hair was a dark shade of brunette which was gelled back, he had stubble which was about a week old that suited him very well. The outfit he was wearing was also very fitted, Arthur could tell he kept himself in shape and probably had sizeable muscles lurking underneath his suit. 

"No, I currently reside in Plymouth, but I just needed to get away from there for the weekend." Arthur replied. "I came here to clear my head" he sighed.

"And drinking alcohol is going to help?" John enquired, Arthur scowled at the expression John gave him.

"Well my memory is starting to get a little fuzzy, which is a good sign. Trust me." Arthur lifted his glass as a toast to himself and drained the rest of his scotch. He leaned forward onto the bar, the drink he just had hit him harder compare to the others, he didn't want to fall over and land on his arse. John looked him with an amused expression. 

_Maybe I should stop drinking, don’t want too much of a hangover tomorrow. Why is John looking at me like that? Think I'm going to head off to bed._

"Think I am going to call it a night, I should probably stop drinking, the room is starting to look funny. Thanks for the drink." Arthur said casually and patted him on the shoulder as gesture of thanks. John grabbed his hand before Arthur had chance to remove it and stared at him lustfully. 

"How about one more? A night cap, back at my place? It's not far." Arthur knew what John was proposing.

_Why the hell not, it'll might help me get over Merlin. He is very good looking after all and looks nothing like Merlin. Plus I'll sober up a little bit by time we get back to his place._

"Sure if you’re offering." Arthur stated, he saw John grin at him. "Lead the way."

***

Arthur had only been at John's place for about five minutes and John was already jerking him off, John couldn't wait to put his hand down Arthur's pants. Arthur loved the feeling of being wanted. John licked his thumb and he rubbed on Arthur's tip sensually. It was bliss, he'd never had a hand job like this before, people just tend to move their hand up and down and maybe add a bit of spit. It also felt different and a little bit nice that his hand was not as calloused, well compared to Merlin's hand anyway. 

_Stop it, stop thinking about him! Enjoy the moment!_

John then started to nibble on Arthur's neck, not hard enough to leave a mark but it definitely aroused him, he could feel the roughness of John's stubble against his neck and clavicle. He hadn't experienced that in a while, those in the military like Merlin had to be clean shaven. 

_Merlin would know that I get really aroused when my clavicle is nibbled at. Stop it! Stop thinking about Merlin._

Arthur unbuttoned his shirt to create better access to his clavicle, John took the hint and began to nibble down there whilst he continued to jerk him off. "Merlin" Arthur moaned to himself, John stopped jerking him off immediately, but still kept his hand on Arthur's cock.

"Who's Merlin?" John asked whilst he stared at Arthur, he didn't look annoyed, he looked more confused if anything. 

_Shit! Oh shit! Way to go Arthur, you have completely ruined the moment now._

_"_ I er-er" Arthur tried to give John an answer, but the words wouldn't come out. John sighed at Arthur's attempt of an answer, Arthur was surprised that John wasn't angry at him. 

"This might be wild guess, but that person's name you just said. Are they the reason you had to get away from Plymouth?" Arthur couldn't look him in the eye and nodded weakly to John's question. He knew what they were doing would be one time thing, but he still felt bad about the whole situation, but he wasn't sure if he felt guilty for John or Merlin.

"I think we should stop what we are doing right now. There clearly is something going on between the two of you." John removed his hand from Arthur's now flaccid cock.

"No it's just casual sex between us, nothing more." Arthur tried to convince John and himself as he buttoned up his trousers, he didn't want to look desperate, he knew nothing was going happen between them now.

"You might say that but I think that is a lie. We shouldn’t do this, I don't want to come between you two and for you to regret this in the future." John stated, he now walked away from Arthur and moved toward his kitchen to get himself a glass of water.

"I'm sorry John, I hope you can forgive me?" Arthur slightly pleaded at him and took a step toward him.

"There is nothing to forgive. Good night Ben, I wish you all the best." John drank the remainder of his water. He then walked into his bedroom and left Arthur by himself in his living room.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin attend Gwen and Lance's special day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> un beta'd

PLYMOUTH, 01-NOV-1941

Merlin felt nervous, he hadn't felt this nervous in a long time. He was stood outside of the local church, twiddling his thumbs whilst he was waiting for her to arrive.

_Oh my-_

Merlin's jaw would have dropped to the floor it was physically possible, she was stunning. She was Aphrodite reborn. Somehow, Gwen managed to precure white satin (most likely off the black market) and created this simple yet stunning wedding dress. The dress gave her an amazing hourglass figure that anyone would die for, the length of the dress stopped just below the knee and had a V-neck line which showed off just the right amount of skin.

_Lance you are one lucky, lucky man._

"You'll be catching flies Merlin if you're not careful." Gwen chuckled, Merlin promptly closed his mouth shut for a moment.

"Gwen you-" Merlin had to stop speaking as Gwen continued to approach him, he felt so emotional. He grabbed onto her hands tightly and squeezed them with affection. "Gwen you look lovely, words can’t describe enough at how beautiful are." Merlin said, as he twirled her around like a ballerina. Tears filled up his eyes as they stood face to face again. 

"Oh stop it Merlin, you’re going to make me smudge my make up." Gwen almost cried, she fanned her eyes to prevent herself from crying. She then hugged Merlin with a tight squeeze. "You look so handsome as well." Gwen winked at him, Merlin blushed at her statement, "any woman would be lucky to have you." Merlin frowned slightly at her last remark.

_Oh Gwen if only you knew. I unfortunately have feelings for some prat right now, who happens to be male._

Merlin began to smile again before Gwen noticed, he didn't want anything to ruin their day. "Shall we?" Merlin gave his arm out to Gwen, she returned the gesture and hooked her arm around his.

"Yes!" Gwen squeaked, "I can't believe it is finally happening!" Merlin chuckled as he entered the building with Gwen. They both waited nervously until the wedding march music echoed throughout the church and they began to walk down the aisle. Merlin beamed as soon as he saw Lance's reaction to Gwen walking down the aisle.

***

After the ceremony, the wedding party moved to the local town hall where the reception took place. The hall wasn't massive and they managed to scrape some bunting for decoration, but everyone was still enjoying themselves. Especially with the free booze that Merlin managed to obtain (by using his magic). 

He was sat in the corner, nursing a drink whilst half paying attention to a conversation with one of Lance's groomsmen. Merlin couldn't help but notice how Lance and Gwen were swaying happily together to the music. Seeing how happy they were together, reminded him of how happy he was with Arthur recently. He knew that Arthur started to enjoy spending time with him too.

_So why he still hasn't spoken to me since September, well apart from shouting orders at me. He doesn't even shout at me as often anymore, which I'm starting to miss weirdly. Why won't be talk to me? He barely even looks at me and I have noticed he's been avoiding eye contact with me. Is it still because of that kiss? Did it upset him that much? I need to talk to him, I need to tell him about my feelings for him. Screw fear of rejection, it's already awkward between us now._

"Merlin, hey Merlin" Lance snapped his fingers in front of Merlin's face and brought him back to reality.

"Oh hey." Merlin smiled back at them, "Congratulations on getting married!" He raised his glass and clinked his drink with Lance's as celebration.

"We know Merlin, you said that to us about five times now" Lance chuckled at him and squeezed his shoulder.

"I know. But I just can't get over it. Still can't believe you two are married, I'm just so happy right now. There is no way this day can get even better." Merlin said gleefully. 

_Well maybe it could if Arthur would talk to me._

Merlin nearly got into his own head again but then Gwen waltzed over to the pair of them and smiling as though she was about to burst.

"Gwen, why are you smiling like that?" Merlin questioned, "have you been on the gin all evening? Lance you know how she gets when she's had a few." Merlin grinned.

"No don't be daft Merlin, I haven’t been drinking any alcohol all evening." Gwen said as she swatted his arm playfully.

"Why? I thought you liked gin, I got it especially for you." Merlin feigned offence.

"Well. The reason is" Gwen said as she looked at Lance with such love. 

"What? What is the reason?" Gwen and Lance kept on looking at each other. "Tell me please? I can't deal with this suspense." Merlin pleaded at them.

"We're pregnant!" Gwen shouted. "Well I am really, but we're having a baby."

Merlin gawked at the pair of them. "You" Merlin pointed at Gwen "and him," he then pointed at Lance. "Are having a-"

" A baby yes!" Gwen shouted again, finishing off Merlin's sentence. "I am about two months gone now." Gwen gently patted at her abdomen.

_It's so obvious now that she pointed it out, when she complained the last few times her dresses were starting to get a bit tight and not drinking anything alcoholic the last few times we have been to the pub together. Lance, you sly old dog, you couldn't wait till after you got married?_

"Well this day has got even better. That is wonderful news. Congratulations again!" Merlin hugged them both at the same. "This is too much emotionally to deal with in one day, my heart can’t take it" Merlin could feel the tears well up in his eyes.

"Well it might just get a bit more emotional for you." Gwen proceeded to hold Merlin's hand, "because if it turns out this little one is a boy, we're going to name him Wilson. In memory of our dear friend Wilson." Gwen was right, it was too much emotionally for Merlin. He crumbled onto the floor, crying. Lance and Gwen joined him, hugging him tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it has been awhile and chapter is a lil short, life is hectic as usual. 
> 
> Don't worry, Merlin and Arthur will be back in the next chapter 😁


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin finally gets the chance to talk to Arthur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW toward the end, unbeta'd

PLYMOUTH, 20-DEC-1941 

_20-Dec-1941_

_Dear Wilson,_

_I know it has been about three months since I wrote a letter to you and let me tell you, a lot has happened. Gwen and Lance got married. It took place on the 1_ _st_ _of November at the local church in your village. Gwen, well just she looked stunning, I have never seen anyone look so beautiful in a wedding dress before. You should have seen the look on Lance's face, I thought at one point he was going to faint. You would have loved the ceremony, no doubt you would have tried to talk to someone lady there as well during the reception._

_It also turns about that Gwen is pregnant! She told me at the wedding reception. I know, the little minx managing to conceive before they got married. She'll be about three months pregnant now, the baby is due sometime around June. They also said that if the baby is a boy they will name him after you, the poor sod! But honestly I think it is a really sweet thing for them to do. I can't wait to meet the little one!_

_With Arthur, well let's just say it is awkward, like really awkward. It started back in September (after the last letter) when we all went to Lance's stag do and I kissed Gwaine as a dare. Arthur saw and ever since he's been avoiding me, I know he's been doing it on purpose. But I like him, like I really him and I want to tell him about how I feel. However, I haven't really had the opportunity to, I didn't get chance to speak to him before the wedding and when I came back to the unit after the wedding, he went away on another course, that will last for about six weeks. So when will I get the chance to speak to him?_

_I know in the last letter I mentioned that I was scared of rejection, but I don't care anymore. It is already awkward between us, so it can't get any worse. I just need him to know about my feelings, hopefully it will fix the rift between me and Arthur. I know you'll ask why do I have feelings for him, I don't know, there is just something about him. I know he can be a massive prat, but when no-one is looking he can be so kind, compassionate and he has such passion in him, that sometimes I only get to see. It is also helps that is extremely attractive and that's not me being shallow. If I tell him how I feel, it might trigger something, if he is King Arthur. Sometimes I get this vibe that he is King Arthur, waiting to be awakened and then other times, he's a completely different person._

_It's also an emotional time for us all. It will be the first Christmas without you here. Gwen and Lance offered to spend Christmas with them, but I declined. I think being around them too much will remind me of you and I don't know if I want to deal with that right now. I'll be spending Christmas at the barracks, don't worry I won't be alone. I'll have Percy and Gwaine with me, no doubt Gwaine will try to get all of us drunk. I also heard a rumour that we might be going on another operation soon._

_Sending you all my love,_

_Merlin._

Merlin sighed as he sealed the letter and placed it in his secret magical hiding place. Gwaine would have a field day if he got hold of these letters, especially the ones where he expressed about he felt about a certain prat. He watched some of the other soldiers pack away their belongings, most of them were due to leave the following day to spend Christmas with their friends and family. That was about to change as Leon entered the room. 

"Sir?" Percy asked, it was rare for Leon to be around the soldier's quarters, it was seen as improper. 

"I'm afraid I've got some bad news. It has just been confirmed that we are due to go on an operation in the next few days. So you won't be able to leave base for Christmas." Everyone responded by moaning and complaining, some of them hadn't seen their loved ones for at least six months. "I know, I know you wanted to go home. Trust me, I wanted to go home too. But this is our duty and to make you all feel a bit better, I managed to swipe some mince pies for you all." 

Several of the soldiers mumbled thanks as they received a mince pie from Leon, his gesture did manage to cheer them up slightly. "Here you go Smith." 

Leon handed one to Merlin "thanks Sir" Merlin smiled weakly at him and took a small bite into the mince pie. 

"Oh by the way Smith, Captain Kemp wanted to have a word with you in his office. He wants to talk about the med cover on the upcoming operation." Leon informed him. 

_He wants to talk to me? I mean it's about work, but he still wants to speak to me. Yes!_

"Sure Sir. I’ll be sure to go see him after I've had this mince pie." Merlin beamed at Leon as though he'd just received the best news. 

*** 

It had been a long time since Merlin knocked on Arthur's office door. 

_Just breath, now is the chance to talk to him, this might the chance to finally explain things, this whole thing has gone way out of proportion. I might even tell him how I feel, if the conversation goes well._

"Enter" he heard Arthur shout, Merlin suddenly felt nervous, his hands became all clammy and avoided eye contact with Arthur as he entered the office and sat down on the edge of one of the chairs. 

"You wanted to see me Sir. Something about discussing med cover from the next operation?" Merlin said, he sounded a bit shaky, he dared to look up at Arthur. He was slightly shocked that Arthur did not appear annoyed or angry with him. 

"Yes, but we can talk about that later." Arthur replied. He opened his top draw and removed a small package. He opened the packaging and placed a tube of lube on his desk. Merlin blinkered several times, to check that his eyes were not deceiving him. 

_Is he coming onto me? This is not what I had expected at all!_

"I'll be honest with you Merlin. I've missed you, I've missed having sex with you and I want to fuck you right now." Arthur stated candidly, Merlin just gaped his mouth wide open, he knew Arthur could be blunt but he'd never been that blunt with him before. 

"Remove your trousers." Arthur ordered him and Merlin complied immediately, his brain was in shock to do anything else. "Now bend over on that desk." Again, Merlin followed his orders, he was slightly confused, Arthur had never been that dominant before. Merlin's eyes followed Arthur as he moved around from the desk to now behind Merlin. He reached over and grabbed the lube. 

Arthur applied the lube onto two of his fingers and inserted them into Merlin's hole, it stung, Merlin could feel the burning sensation, it had been awhile since he last had anal sex. After a few minutes, he did start to enjoy as he moaned harder when Arthur inserted a third lubricated finger. When Arthur was satisfied that Merlin was prepped, he replaced his fingers with his erection. He gave Merlin a minute to adjust before he started to fuck him hard from behind, both of Arthur's hands were on his hips, gripping onto him firmly. 

Merlin started to jerk himself off since it appeared that Arthur wasn't going to like he usually did. After a few minutes of fucking, Arthur came first with Merlin following after he pumped himself a couple more times. It felt weird, there was hardly any foreplay and definitely no kissing. Plus Arthur fucked him from behind, it was almost as though Arthur did not want to look at him whilst they fucked. To Merlin it felt empty and that concerned him, there was no intimacy at all. 

_Maybe it is just sex for him, although we have never properly discussed with this thing between us._

Arthur removed himself from Merlin and cleaned himself up before he sat back down in his office chair, Merlin followed suit and sat opposite him. "I need to apologise" Merlin stated. 

"What for?" Arthur asked. 

"For whatever you saw back at Lance's stag do, what happened between me and Gwaine was a dare." 

"Why would I care if it was a dare or not?" Arthur enquired, he acted as though he didn't care, but Merlin didn't believe him. He saw Arthur's jaw slightly clench when he mentioned Gwaine's name. 

"Well, someone told me that you looked upset after you saw what happened." Merlin replied softly. 

"Well whoever told you that, they were clearly lying." Arthur scoffed, he became all defensive again and folded his arms. 

"So why have you been avoiding me then?" Merlin leaned back into his chair, he still was not convinced, not fully anyway. This whole situation was starting to give him a headache. 

"I haven't" Arthur stated candidly "I have been away on a lot of courses recently. The last one I just got back to, lasted for about six weeks. When was I meant to see you then? What did you expect me to come back here on the weekends?" 

_There's no reasoning with him, why is he acting like such a child? Remind me why do I have feelings for this prat?_

"What is this between us then?" Merlin asked, he was fed up of Arthur deflecting him, he just wanted the truth from him now. 

"Well Merlin. It's just sex. That's it, nothing else." Arthur replied bluntly as he glared at Merlin, as though he was goading Merlin for a reaction. 

_Oh wow._

"So there are any romantically feelings attached? Whatsoever?" Merlin mumbled and shrunk into himself, he started to lose hope that Arthur reciprocated any romantic feelings. 

"Nope, none" Merlin noticed Arthur stall slightly "like I just said, it's only sex. Why have you developed any feelings?" Merlin felt his heart starting to break, now he was afraid of rejection and humiliation again. It was clear that Arthur was only interested in having sex with Merlin and nothing else. 

_Well that's that then. He does not have any feelings toward me. At least I know now. I'll just try to get over it now. At least I can keep my dignity by not declaring my feelings and for them to be only thrown back at my face._

Merlin timidly shook his head to Arthur's question and promptly fled the office. Arthur no longer deserved to know how Merlin truly felt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and comments 😊


	21. Chapter Twenty-one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and co. back working on an operation, Merlin tries to deal with his feelings.

MALOY, NORWAY 27-DEC-1941

"This guy needs intravenous fluids! Now!" Merlin shouted at the top of his lungs, hoping that someone else heard him nearby. Whilst Operation Archery had been a success, the Allies still sustained a loss. So far, there were about fifty injured and at least twenty dead, that Merlin knew of. The soldier that was under Merlin's care had been shot, in the pelvis.

Although whilst the patient appeared to be relatively okay, he had a steady pulse, he was speaking to Merlin coherently and blood wasn't spurting out. Merlin was still very concerned about the possibility the patient was bleeding internally, the pelvic region felt very tender, the poor solider cried out in pain when Merlin briefly examined the area. Merlin also recalled that the pelvis was a high risk area where a lot of blood could pool internally if there was any trauma to that region.

They were still on the ground and Merlin had already ran out of his own stock of intravenous fluids, Merlin had already treated a lot of soldiers who had been shot and were at risk of hypovolemia. Merlin managed to grab a soldier who appeared to be lost and ordered to grab full of fluids from the ship. Whilst waiting for the soldier to return, Merlin unbuckled his belt with haste, slide it underneath the soldier's pelvis and secured it to act as a pelvic binder. He did the same with the soldier's belt as good measure. 

What felt like a lifetime later the young solider return to Merlin with the fluids that he dearly needed. "Thanks" Merlin mumbled to him, Merlin flushed the cannula to ensure it was still working, connected the bag of fluids to the soldier and manually squeezed the bag to get the fluids in the soldier as quickly as possible. "You" Merlin grabbed the soldier by the shoulder, "this guy needs to get into theatre now! Get me a stretcher and able bodied volunteers so we can get him on ship!" The soldier scrambled away and began to fulfil Merlin's request.

"Am I going to be okay?" The injured soldier asked, Merlin looked down at his face, he was terrified and also pale, which was new. Merlin attempted to reassure him by squeezing his shoulder, but he wouldn't lie to his patient.

"Yes, if we get you onto a ship soon. You will need surgery as it is high likely that you're bleeding internally, but once you get into theatre, you will be okay" Merlin gave the injured soldier his best reassuring smile. 

"Okay" the injured man replied "thank you for being honest with me." Merlin re-checked the soldier's vital signs again.

_Well he's talking to me, so obviously he is alert. His speech hasn't slurred which means his brain is not deteriorating yet. His pulse however, starting to get weak so his peripheral system is starting to shut down, that's also evident of his skin starting to pale. He needs another bag of fluids to reduce the risk of his central system shutting down. His respiratory system is also starting to work harder, the body is not getting enough oxygen due to the internal bleeding._

Merlin gave the patient another bag of fluids to help prevent his cardiovascular system from shutting down further. He was about to shout someone else for help when finally, his little helper returned with a stretcher and volunteers. 

_Thank God, let's get this guy into theatre._

***

"Hey Merlin, you alright?" Gwaine asked as he sat on the floor in preparation to clean his rifle.

_Sometimes I do love being a medic, I hate having to clean my blooming rifle, the carbon just appears everywhere._

"Yeah bud, why you asking?" Merlin replied.

Maybe it was due to him being covered in blood, he hadn't had the chance to clean and change yet like Gwaine had. Merlin had literally returned from theatre, after Merlin handed over the patient, he then volunteered to assist with the surgery. The operation was uneventful until the surgeon accidentally nipped an artery as started to patch up the patient. Blood started to spurt everywhere and thus, Merlin and along with everyone else in surgery, were covered in blood.

Fortunately, in the state of panic, Merlin mumbled "Þurhhæle licsar min" at the affected artery and it worked, he was surprised that it worked first time to be honest. The spell Merlin cast cauterised the artery, which prevent further bleeding. Merlin then pretended that he rectified the situation with needle and thread. 

When he was asked what happened, Merlin just some vague excuse and said he used his initiative with some needle and thread. The surgeon appeared to be impressed and pleased with Merlin's response and told Merlin he would inform his chain of command about how well he did today.

Merlin knew it was very risky using his magic in such close proximity, anyone could have seen his eyes glowing gold. But he told the soldier he would be okay once he got into theatre, they were so close to the end of the surgery, he couldn't let the soldier die due to human error. He could almost hear Gaius now, shouting at him, calling him reckless for using his magic like that. But Merlin didn't care, a life was seriously at risk and he would do everything in his power to stop it.

"You just look really tired that's all and I don't just mean physically." Gwaine stated, Merlin found it endearing sometimes that Gwaine looked out for him, especially when he forgot to look after himself, which had been happening more often recently. It wasn't uncommon that his evening meal was the first meal of the day.

"I probably just need a good night's sleep that's all." Merlin shrugged, he wasn't in the mood to talk with anyone.

"Merlin, you need to have a shower too it seems. You're covered in blood." Gwaine gestured to Merlin's shirt, it was saturated in blood. 

Merlin glanced down at himself "oh yeah, I nearly forgot about that" he grabbed his cleaning products and a towel, devoid of emotion.

"Are you sure you're okay Merlin?" Gwaine now looked concerned "you haven't been yourself for about a week now. You seem withdrawn and you haven't been biting at my jokes or insults, so I know something is definitely wrong." His remark made Merlin smile weakly.

"I'm fine" Merlin mumbled. "I just need to sleep and shower that's all, like you said. I'll be seeing you." Merlin promptly left their sleeping cabin before he gave Gwaine a chance to reply. 

***

He felt a bit more refreshed and slightly more human after he'd showered, removing all the dirt and blood that Merlin had accumulated throughout the operation. Whilst he had the shower, it was the first time that Merlin reflected on recent events. Prior to tonight, he tried to avoid thinking about what happened, it felt too raw, it still felt raw now to be honest.

_Although we had never officially discussed what was going on between us until a week ago, I did think there was something more between us._ _Apparently not though, it really is just sex for him, with no feelings in the mix whatsoever._ _I mean I don't blame him, who would have romantic feelings toward me?_

Merlin had to stop thinking about it, it was making him feel tearful again and also think badly about himself. It had been what at least a hundred years since he last opened up to anyone. A hundred years where romantic feelings were last involved. Merlin had forgotten how to deal with such feelings of affection and rejection, it just felt so foreign to him.

_This is why I try not to form any attachment with lovers, it just always up end with someone being hurt and that someone normally being me._

Merlin lightly slapped his cheeks to get him out of his self-loathing trance and splashed water on his face to remove any evidence of him being emotional. Once he was satisfied that his eyes no longer looked red, he put on a clean shirt and wrapped the towel around his waist.

He walked around a corner and nearly bumped into someone, he mumbled an apology as he continued walking. It didn’t even click who the individual was until he heard their voice. "Merlin. Hey" unfortunately that person was Arthur. Merlin quickly glanced back at Arthur and saw his smug face and remembered the humiliation and rejection he felt when he saw Arthur last.

Merlin couldn't deal with talking to Arthur right now, he'd only just managed to keep himself together back in the ablutions. He didn't want to suffer further humiliation if he broke down in front of Arthur, but he would still be civil. "Sir" Merlin said back trying to mask the hoarseness in his voice and turned away from Arthur. He then continued to walk back to his sleeping cabin despite hearing Arthur shouting after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments :) can't believe we're more than halfway through now.


	22. Chapter Twenty-two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin catches up with Gwen in the New Year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's POV, some fluff between Gwen and Merlin. Slightly NSFW also

PLYMOUTH, 15-JAN-1942

Merlin was sat in the local park, throwing some stale bread at the ducks nearby when he noticed Gwen walking around the corner.

_She's starting to waddle already, bless her._

"Gwen" Merlin rushed over as she approached the bench and embraced her in a tight squeeze. "Come sit down" Merlin led her to the bench. "I can't believe how big you've gotten already" Merlin squealed, there something about a new life being brought into the world that made him feel all warm and fuzzy. Merlin also noticed how happy Gwen looked as well, they hadn't seen each other since her wedding and made plans to see each other as soon as Merlin was given leave after returning from Operation Archery.

Gwen blushed and playfully slapped him on the chest. "Merlin. You do know it is rude to comment on a lady's size." Gwen scoffed.

"It's a good job, you aren't a lady then Gwen." Merlin winked, just being with Gwen had really cheered him up. He decided for his New Year's resolution that he wasn't going to be hung up about Arthur anymore and they will be friends if Arthur so wishes it. It had mostly been successful so far, his feelings toward Arthur had dwindled slightly, but that may be only be due to avoiding Arthur. But it was still progress in Merlin's opinion.

"Merlin! How could you say such a thing?" Gwen continued to pretend in being offended by him.

"Well, you did managed to get pregnant before you got married." Merlin smirked, it didn't bother him really, he certainly wasn't able to judge as he was no blushing virgin.

"Okay you got me there Merlin. But I bet you aren't no saint either." Gwen simply stated, Merlin just shrugged in acceptance and chucked a couple more crumbs toward the ducks.

"Anyway" Merlin relaxed back into the park bench. "how are you?" 

"Oh you know, everything aches, I think my ankles are a bit swollen too. I've pretty much been getting morning sickness every day and not just in the mornings. Why do they call it morning sickness when I've been throwing up in the evenings? I have also been getting weird cravings. Like the other day, I wanted to eat a clump of coal." Merlin laughed out loud at Gwen's new eating habits. "Obviously I didn't. But Lance has been so sweet, he doesn't complain if I snap at him and he's been bringing me home flowers nearly every day. He's such a romantic" Gwen said dreamily. 

"Yeah he is" Merlin replied back, "any idea of what the baby's gender might be?"

"Well I'm hoping it might be a boy. People have been saying that my skin has been glowing and flawless which means it is a boy. But Lance is convinced that it will be a girl as he says I'm moody all the time and that's a sign it is a girl." Merlin at this moment muttered a quiet spell in determine the gender of the baby, he soon learnt the spell when Gwen told him she was pregnant.

_It's a boy!_

"I highly suspect that you two are going to have a baby boy." Merlin grinned. "You sure you want to call your baby Wilson?"

"What makes you say that?" Gwen questioned him.

"I just have a feeling about it that's all" Merlin replied gleefully and threw the last of the crumbs.

"Enough about me Merlin. How have you been? What have you been up to apart from going on operations? I hear enough Army nonsense from Lance already " Merlin want to rant to Gwen about his recent dramas with Arthur, but he wasn't sure how she would take it. He was fortunate that Wilson accepted him for liking men but it doesn't mean everyone else would.

"Good, I'm good." Merlin lied as he clenched his jaw.

"Really? Because Lance saw Gwaine recently at one of the local shops and Gwaine was concerned about you. He mentioned to Lance that you appeared to be withdrawn and down. And I know when you are lying Merlin, you clench your jaw when you lie." 

_Damn Gwaine for opening his mouth and damn Gwen for knowing me too well._

Gwen placed a comforting hand on Merlin's arm and stroke it lightly. "You know you can tell me anything?"

"Anything?" Merlin asked, Gwen nodded her head in response, Merlin took a deep sigh "okay, so I have feelings for someone."

"Oh?" Gwen said, Merlin quickly glanced around to check no-one else was nearby.

"And that someone is a man." Merlin looked at Gwen, she appeared to be slightly shocked but not disgusted, so that was a good start. "He's also my superior. His name is Captain Kemp and I have feelings for him. I've also been trying to get over those feelings." It was silent between them for several minutes, it was like torture for Merlin.

_I know she didn't looked disgusted but she hasn't said anything yet, what if she is thinking of a way to reject me?_

"So why have you been trying to rid of those feelings?" Gwen finally said " you can’t help who you have affections for, even if the law says it's wrong, which I think Is stupid, love is love." Merlin immediately hugged Gwen, to non-verbally say thank you for accepting him.

"Well I thought he might have feelings for me, I couldn't exactly tell you why but I just did and then just before Christmas he told me it was only sex and nothing else. So I'm trying to get over it. It's hard but I think I am starting to get used to it. So maybe that's why Gwaine has been concerned recently, I have been moping around a bit." 

"Merlin, are you sure he doesn't have feelings for you? Did you outright ask him do you have romantic feelings for me?'" Gwen asked.

"No I didn't, but like I said, he said it was just sex between us. I also asked if there was any romantic attachments, which is basically the same thing and he said no." Merlin sighed, he didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"Hmm, okay. But like I said, I think you should ask him outright, I think the best way to find out is by asking him if he wants to be in a committed relationship with you"

"No Gwen, it's better this way. I'll be fine, it might just take me sometime that's all, for some unknown reason these feelings have been getting a little intense. Maybe it's cos it has been a very long time since this last happened." Merlin smiled at her, he then snuggled into her shoulder as she played with his hair until it began to get dark.

***

Merlin moaned slightly when Arthur slowly pulled out of him, Merlin managed to orgasm from anal sex alone without being touched. He thought about what Gwen had said and decided to seek out Arthur. Unfortunately, Merlin didn’t have chance to have that conversation as Arthur pounced on him as soon as they were alone.

_That was a bad idea, damn Arthur and damn my sexual urges, having no regard on how this may affect me emotionally. It felt pretty much the same as last time, there was no intimacy. It was just sex again._

Arthur began button up his trousers "so who was that woman you were with earlier on? You two were being close together that's all." 

_Is Arthur jealous? Does he think that something is going on between me and Gwen. No, he can’t be jealous._

"She's just a close friend that's all." Merlin muttered, he himself began to button up his trousers.

"Just a friend? She's pregnant for goodness sake Merlin!" Merlin knew for certain that Arthur was angry now, he definitely did not make that up.

_Oh God, this is rich. He thinks that I got Gwen pregnant. Ha! So he was being jealous too._

"Are you- do you think I got Gwen pregnant? She's just a friend for goodness sake, like I said. I went to visit her because I hadn't seen her, since she got _married_ back in November." Merlin sounded slightly irritated at the end and nearly poked Arthur in the chest. 

"Oh" was all Arthur said. Maybe Merlin should have left it there, but Merlin was fed up of Arthur making accusations when he had done nothing wrong. 

"Yes oh and you know what the best thing is. The lucky guy who got to marry Gwen, his name is Lance. Who also happens to be a close _friend_ of mine. He was one of my patients, the same patient that you tried to stop getting on that ship back at Dunkirk." Merlin saw that his statement caused Arthur to physically flinch, but he didn’t care. He was annoyed that Arthur was implying that he'd been seeing other people, even though Arthur was the one saying it's just sex between them.

"Sorry" Merlin heard Arthur mumble and decided to take a risk with his next statement.

"You know since we began having sex with each other, I have not been doing that with anyone else. It's only been you." Merlin knew it wasn't an outright question that Gwen had suggested he should do, but it heavily hinted at what they had discussed earlier on. 

"Well it is just sex between us, so I can't stop you being with other people." Merlin swore he saw Arthur hesitate, as though he wanted to say something else.

_Unbelievable! One minute he's ticked off that I am seen with someone else and the next minute he's saying it is okay if I sleep around. Remind me why I have (hopefully soon to be had) feelings for this clot pole in the first place? Why would I want to be in a relationship with this prick?_

"You are still okay on what is going on between us?" Arthur enquired.

"Yes" Merlin replied back immediately and bitterly, he noticed that Arthur appeared to be slightly disappointed at his response.

_Well that is a lie. You want to be in an exclusive relationship_ _with him but you know that is not going to happen. You can't stop yourself though, you're still gonna have sex with him even though it will fuck up with your emotions. Why do you do this to yourself? Do you think you are ever going to accept what is going on between the two of you? You will never fully get over him, he looks like King Arthur for God sake and that will always be your downfall._

Arthur hadn't tucked in his shirt yet and when he bent over to grab his shoes, Merlin caught a glimpse of the tattoo again. He'd completely forgotten about it with the wedding and recent Operation happening. He had to sate his curiosity of why Arthur had that tattoo.

"What's the story behind that then?" Merlin enquired.

Arthur turned his face Merlin "what do you mean?" 

Merlin pointed at Arthur's tattoo, "that, your tattoo? Thought tattoos were just for ruffians and criminals." Arthur laughed aloud.

"Yeah, it got when I was at university. I lost a bet, don't ask me what the bet was as I was way too intoxicated to remember." Arthur answered his question.

_But why that tattoo? Do you remember something about Camelot? Could you be King Arthur?_

"What made you choose that particular drawing though?" Merlin asked, he mentally crossed his fingers and toes but he didn't want to raise his hopes too much.

"I don't know really, I like dragons for some reason. I found them fascinating as a kid and I just conjured up this image in my head and drawn it for the tattooist. Obviously I did the drawing after I'd sobered up, didn't want a crap drawing to mark my skin permanently." Arthur paused for a moment before he continued.

"I think I may have got inspiration from when I read the Hobbit by Tolkien when it got first released, I do enjoy a good fantasy novel." Merlin must have looked completely miserable for Arthur to notice "Hey, are you alright?"

"Yeah- yeah I'm fine" Merlin lied.

_He's not King Arthur._


	23. Chapter Twenty-three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's spends his day off working and decides to take a jog.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's POV, slightly NFSW.

PLYMOUTH, 23-FEB-1942

Merlin often regretted opening his mouth and today was no exception. He was casually sat on the floor in his quarter's looking at the reading material before him. He carelessly mentioned to his chain of command that the soldiers needed more awareness in basic first aid. It was evident to Merlin when some of the soldiers struggled to apply a tourniquet on Operation Archery.

_I only suggested the training. I didn't think I would have to give the lesson in first aid too. Oh well, that's what you get Merlin when you can't keep your gob shut!_

He knew it was also stupid of him to make such a suggestion in front of Arthur. The Captain smirked when he heard the suggestion, Merlin swore that he saw an evil look in his eye, Arthur loved to give him extra work when he was in such a mood. Arthur also made up some excuse about how it would look good for Merlin's appraisal and help him stand out against the other Lance Corporals and become a Corporal. Merlin could not care less out promotion, he joined the military to care for those who were injured, not brown nose to his superiors to make his way up the ranks.

Merlin picked up one piece of reading material which mentioned about different ways to stem the bleeding if a tourniquet was not available.

_This would be very handy for the soldiers to know._

He smiled to himself and grabbed the sheets which contained information about trauma and added the information that he'd just read. It took him about another 15 minutes just add on that extra bit of information. He picked up the other sheets that all contained different important medical information such as how to check a pulse and respiration rate. Merlin quickly glanced through one of the handout booklets he made and stapled it together once he was content. 

_That's enough for today, don’t think my wrists can take much more, feels as though they are about to drop off. I still feel kind of restless though, I think I might go for a jog, to burn off that excess energy from sitting around all day._

_***_

Merlin quickly glanced at his watch and took a small swig of his water.

_It has taken me about 16 minutes to run 3 miles, I might beat my personal best of running 10 miles if my muscles don't start to fatigue too much soon._

He ran around the corner of the track when he saw something unusual in the distance to his left, he decided to ignore it and continued running. As he was approaching his fourth mile, he was able to see a little clearer on what was occurring, he could also hear grunting which was hard to ignore.

_Is that Arthur and Leon? What on earth are they holding? Is that- are they sword fighting? With sticks?_

Merlin almost fell face first as he tripped over a rock whilst he was distracted from the 'sword fighting', he managed to put his hands out in time but still scrapped both of his knees, Merlin hissed in pain. He pushed himself up from the ground and slightly limped over to a nearby tree to take a water break and properly assess the self-inflicted damage.

_Ah shit, that stings._

Merlin poured some of his water over the wounds to remove any excess debris, he then checked both of his ankles for any injuries.

_No swelling or deformities and I was able to walk fairly normal straight away after the fall, I might have twisted my left ankle slightly. Think I might chill under the tree for a bit until the pain has lessened._

He sighed as he lent against the tree, he couldn’t help it, his gaze slowly moved toward Leon and Arthur. It looked as though they had been fighting each other for at least 20 minutes, both of their movements were starting to delay and were able to hit one another a couple of times. They then stopped briefly for a water break and then proceeded to remove their sweat drenched shirts. Merlin's eyes widened, it appeared as though Arthur managed to procure even more muscles on his back. 

Before Merlin had a proper chance to ogle Arthur (and Leon), they returned to hitting each other with sticks. The way they held themselves, the footwork they used and Merlin seeing Arthur's tattoo again, caused Merlin to doubt himself.

_First the tattoo, which is the Pendragon sigil and now the sword fighting? It wouldn't be suspicious if they were just aimlessly trying to hit each other with the sticks. But the way they are fighting, it's as though they have been doing that for years. Just how they are able to counter each other's attacks reminds me of how King Arthur and Sir Leon._

Merlin stared at Arthur Leon, wishing that they were his old friends.

_Stop Merlin, it's not them. It's not possible, there is no point trying to get your hopes up, if it was them surely they would have remembered by now, especially when I have briefly mentioned things in the past like Camelot. And, they've probably been taught how to sword fight when they went to that posh school. Get a grip Merlin, you need to move on from these ridiculous fantasies!_

Merlin threw a rock in frustration. It must have gone a fair distance as it startled Arthur, which left an opening for Leon and he whacked Arthur in the abdomen. Arthur almost keeled over in pain but still smirked toward Merlin's direction.

_Oh crap, have I been caught staring? Again._

***

"Arthur I think I'm gonna-" Merlin moaned into Arthur's cock, he continued to lick his tip with little circular motions.

"Yes! Merlin don't stop!" Arthur hissed back at him with Merlin's cock in his mouth. It was the first time Merlin had participated doing a 'sixty-nine' and he was thoroughly enjoying it. Merlin came into Arthur's mouth as he groaned loudly. He continued to bob up and down on Arthur's cock and then hollowed out his mouth to increase suction and intensity. Arthur spilled into his mouth a couple of minutes later.

Once Merlin had fully swallowed all of Arthur's seed, Arthur promptly removed himself from Merlin and lent against his sofa. They were at Arthur's personal quarters since it was quiet since it was the weekend and were less likely to be caught. Merlin felt a bit parched and decided to get himself and Arthur a glass of water after he buttoned up his trousers.

_Probably shouldn't have done that, but it's hard to say no to him. God dammit._

"Thanks" Arthur said when Merlin offered him the glass. Merlin greedily drank his glass of water and placed it on the coffee table in front of him, he noticed the table was covered with drawings. Merlin enjoyed looking at Arthur's drawings, even though some of them caused conflict in his mind like Excalibur drawing.

_And King Arthur definitely was not an artist, he drew like a five year old. This Arthur actually has a talent with sketching._

"May I?" Merlin gestured at the drawings.

"Sure" Arthur shrugged and continued to drink his water. Merlin picked up handful of drawings and inspected every single on in detail, he really liked the drawing of the horse. He could see the effort and passion poured into that drawing.

_That's what I like about him. No! Stop it Merlin, I thought we decided we don't have feelings for Arthur anymore._

He distracted himself from his internal thoughts and continued to look at the drawings. That was until one of the drawings caused him to stop breathing temporarily. The drawing in front of him, was of Morgana. The hair colour, the eye colour, just everything. That drawing was definitely Morgana, there was no mistaking it.

"Who's this?" Merlin asked, his hand slightly shook as he raised the drawing so that Arthur could see.

"Honestly, I don't know. I keep seeing her in my dreams, so I thought I would draw her. There's other people and creatures that keep popping in my dreams. So when I stuck for inspiration with my drawings, I sometimes use them."

_This- this is way too many coincidences in one day for my brain to handle._

Merlin slammed the drawing onto the table and fled from Arthur's living room, with Arthur shouting after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and comments. Don't worry, some action will be picking up soon 😁


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin writes a letter to Wilson on the anniversary of his passing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the small chapter, next chapter should be a lot longer 😁

PLYMOUTH, 12-MAR-1942

_12-Mar-1942_

_Dear Wilson,_

_Today it has been exactly one year since we attended your funeral, although_ _we don’t officially know what date you died, we decided to use this date to mark your passing. The pain is still there every time I think about you, it especially hurts today, but I'll be okay. I don't think you'd let me mope around, I can imagine you telling me to get on with it and live my life. But then, I can also imagine you telling me that I need to get laid, you always had a slight obsession with trying to get me laid. My healing magic abilities have improved slightly. I managed to prevent a solider from bleeding to death whilst he was in theatre. But my healing skills are weak compared to all of my other magical abilities. It also sucks that there is no-one else I can talk to about my magic, I don't think anyone else would react to it as well as you did._

_I've seen Gwen a couple of times since the wedding and blimey, has she grown. I wouldn't be surprised if her and Lance ended up having twins. She's still got about three months to go before she is due. She suspects they might be having a boy. I may have used my magic (she doesn't know) to help determine the gender and they are having a boy. So that means the poor thing will definitely be called Wilson now._

_When I saw Gwen in January, just after I got back from Operation Archery, Arthur must have seen us as he thought we were a couple and thought I was the father of their unborn child. He can be so frustrating! Oh yeah I haven't written to you since December. So after that letter, I was going to tell Arthur about my feelings for him, but we kind of had sex first (we definitely did), but it felt different, there was no feeling, it was just like having a shag with a stranger. He then told me after that it was sex between us and nothing else._

_So obviously I was crushed and I fled. And no, he doesn't know about my feelings for him. For the New Year, I made a resolution to myself that I would get over him and to be honest it has not worked. I still like him, but not just as much, only slightly though, I feel you rolling your eyes right now. Anyway, so he thought there was something going between me and Gwaine, which there isn’t, because he likes women. And same again but with Gwen, so obviously I got a little pissed with him. It did seem like at one point he was going say something meaningful, but no he ended up being a prat, a massive one._

_I know, it is probably I bad idea to carry on sleeping with him, but I can't help it, maybe I have some self-destructive complex. But also, the sex is really good. And I know it won't be good for me emotionally and mentally in the long run but that is future Merlin's problem._

_Also it has kind of got weird, like there are so many signs that he is King Arthur, who has returned to help fight the war for Great Britain/Albion. That tattoo (I think I mentioned it in my previous letter) on his lower back, is definitely the Pendragon sigil. There's also that drawing of Excalibur. It turns out he's into sword fighting (too many coincidences I know). When I went to his last time, he drew a picture of Morgana, like the evil half-sister Morgana from Camelot. Surely he cannot know what she looks like unless it is him. When I asked him about the drawing, he says that get these images in his dreams. But something must be going on, but I don't know what. He could be a reincarnation of him, but that would mean it is King Arthur but also not. I'm so confused. I just want this war to be over and maybe move on with my life. Some hopeful part of me hopes he is King Arthur and just needs to be 'awakened'._

_Why aren't you here with me Wilson? Why did you have to go? You need to be here with me and help me out with this situation. You were always good at figuring out a sticky situation. I miss you so much and I don't think that will ever change, you are best friend and always will be._

_Yours,_

_Merlin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this little idea of mine, all your comments and kudos mean so much to me 😊


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The No.2 Commandos end up at St Nazaire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter in the same day?!?!? I couldn't resist. This chapter is from Arthur's POV, expect some angst and confessions.

ST NAZAIRE, FRANCE 28-MAR-194 2 

_Just breathe Arthur, that's it. Deep breath in and out. Come on! You need to control your nerves, you can't show any fear or doubt in front of your subordinates. You are their leader, if you're nervous, then they will be nervous and that could be difference between winning and losing. Just keep on breathing._

Arthur tried to keep his pacing to a minimum, he didn't want other people to know how nervous his was. It didn't help the fact that he was on board a ship, again. Fortunately, he managed to get some ginger biscuits before he boarded, just in case he suffered from seasickness, again. 

_Stop pacing Arthur goddammit! You're starting to unnerve these soldiers._

He promptly sat down on the ground in order to stop himself pacing around like a caged animal. They were onboard of HMS Campbeltown, Arthur and his team were tasked to destroy equipment and building once they arrived at the enemy's dockyard.

_That's if we'll ever make to the dockyard._

Before they took their position on the ship, Arthur overheard one of the Naval officers about their plan to reach the dockyard. Apparently once they were close to St Nazaire, they planned to intercept the Germans and pretend to be one of the German naval ships.

That's when he heard a commotion from above "the bastards just shot at us!"

_So much for intercepting the Germans then._

The Germans had shot the ship with a few rounds when the ship failed identify itself to the German naval signal light. Without realising, Arthur was standing up again and pacing up and down the room again. He quickly flickered his attention to some of his men, it was obvious that they were starting to get more nervous too.

Enemy fire didn't hinder the ship's movement, if anything it seemed that the ship had picked up speed. Arthur quickly grabbed onto something sturdy nearby to prevent himself from falling over, his subordinates quickly followed suit. Arthur tried to reassure his soldiers as enemy fire intensified as they got closer to the dockyard.

_This could be it, we might not make it if the firing continues._

Arthur heard a large boom, at first, himself and the others thought there was an explosion on the ship. However, it was the ship's gunfire, the ship was now close enough to fire at the enemy's gun emplacements and searchlights. Some of the soldiers whooped when they released what the sound was.

Arthur grunted loudly as himself and his men violently jerked forward.

_What the fuck was that? Has the ship just been hit by a torpedo? Oh God is this ship going to sink?_

He tried his best to not show panic on his face and smiled weakly at anyone who looked at him. It was harder to maintain that calm composure when he did a quick head count and noticed that Merlin was missing.

_Where is he? Is he already treating some casualties on board the ship? Why didn't he tell me where he was going? I hope he's okay?_

A few tense minutes later, information was relayed back to him that the recent impact was the ship ramming into the dock gates. Arthur informed his team and he could visibly see the relief on their faces.

_The naval officers could have given us some warning, instead of giving everyone a heart attack and think they were about to die on this God forsaken ship!_

"Five minutes Sir. Five minutes till your team are to disembark" a young soldier panted, informing Arthur that they were due to land soon. He quickly looked around again, still no sign of Merlin.

_Where the fuck is my medic?_

Arthur sighed to himself and hoped that they won't need Merlin's skills so soon once they have disembarked from the ship. "Right men, let's do this!" Arthur shouted.

***

The mission had been a success but not without great cost. Throughout the mission he received regular comms and heard over the radio that two of the Commando groups had almost been wiped out when they tried to embark on the dry dock.

Arthur, fortunately did not suffer such tragedy with his group, the only sustained minimal losses that hardly hindered their objective. They were in fact successful at destroying the pumping machinery based at the dockyard. His heart still felt heavy every time the radio relayed information about the losses, so far he was aware of that up to three-hundred men were either missing, captured or dead. It also didn't help that Arthur had not either seen or heard of Merlin.

_Please Merlin, please don't be one of those three-hundred. Please be okay! Why aren't you here with our team!_

Arthur hurled a small object in frustration as he waited for the rest of his men to board back on the ship. He saw Gwaine avoid being struck by the object as he rushed around the corner. "Sir!" The adrenaline was evident in his voice "have you seen Merlin, I mean Corporal Smith?" He also sounded afraid, as though there was something wrong.

"Gwaine, what do you mean have I seen Merlin? He's normally with you" Arthur tried to say without sounding too panicked about the information he had just received.

_Why is Merlin not with Gwaine? They are pretty much attached the hip, especially when it comes to being on an Operation. God sake Merlin!_

"No Gwaine, I haven't seen Merlin recently. In fact I haven't seen him since before we disembarked. I assumed he was getting some medical supplies". 

"Shit, oh shit!" Gwaine replied, his face also paled at Arthur's response. "I really hoped he was here with you."

_What is that supposed to mean? Why would he think Merlin would be here with me?_

"The last time I saw Merlin was about an hour ago. He was treating those who were seriously injured." Gwaine must have noticed the drop in Arthur's face as he tried to reassure him "but he wasn't at the front line whilst he was treating them, that's some good news I suppose" Gwaine grimaced at his poor attempt to reassure Arthur. "I think Merlin and a couple other medics were staying with those seriously hurt until there was a destroyer available to dock nearby. There was some shouting heard about getting those injured onto a ship ASAP."

_Why, why does Merlin put his life at risk like this? I suppose it is in his nature and his job. I can't think straight until I know where you are and if you're okay._

The room went silent for a couple of minutes whilst the pair tried to think of a way to find out of Merlin's whereabouts. 

"I think I might know a way to find him. What if we could touch base with the other ships and find out if he's in one of the medical bays?" Gwaine pondered, tapping his fingers on his chin. "Sir!"

"Huh, what?" Arthur had been deep in thought and unaware that Gwaine had been trying to talk to him.

"I said, could we communicate with the other ships and ask for someone to look to see Merlin is in their medical bays or other areas where the medics maybe residing?" Arthur beamed at the thought of Gwaine's idea.

"Yes, yes that is a great idea. Why didn't I think of that? Gwaine you are a genius" Gwaine chuckled at Arthur's response and at how concerned Arthur was with Merlin's wellbeing.

"You are too kind Sir" Gwaine said sarcastically, he assumed that Arthur didn't properly hear what he said as Arthur had already started to speed off toward in the direction where comms took place. 

***

Arthur returned about an hour later to Gwaine pacing up and down the room frantically. Arthur himself, although was covered in sweat from running up and down the stairs, had a massive grin plastered across his face.

Gwaine stopped abruptly once he saw Arthur "I take it Sir, with that happy expression on your face, you have some good news?" Gwaine asked hopefully.

Arthur nodded and sat down for a minute so he could regain his breath, running across a ship was not an easy task, he almost tripped up a couple of times due to his carelessness. "Yes, Merlin is okay." Arthur smiled at Gwaine.

"So where is he then?" Gwaine enquired.

"He's currently on board of HMS Atherstone. It's the main ship which is holding all the causalities." Gwaine sat beside Arthur and offered him a swig of his water. Arthur, still slightly recovering from his physical excursion, accepted the offer and gulped the water greedily.

"Apparently, he was acting like a stubborn old goat and refused to leave the dry dock until every single one of the injured were on board the ship. I also found out your friend Percy is abroad that ship too, he was shot in the leg and Merlin is currently treating his wound."

"Oh thank the Lord" Gwaine shouted up to the ceiling. " I am glad to hear that Percy and Merlin are okay, Percy is in good hands with Merlin caring for him."

"Yeah same." Arthur sighed "It did make me chuckle when I heard about someone accusing Merlin being a stubborn old goat. It is so typical of him though, he always considers everyone else first and himself second, no matter the situation."

"Yeah that is so true. That's our Merlin for ya." Gwaine replied, it caused Arthur to frown.

_What do you mean our Merlin? He's not yours, he's mine. No Arthur, he's not yours, no thanks to you. God you're an idiot, you told Merlin that he could sleep around if he wanted to, remember? You only said that because you were being petty when you assumed that he was sleeping with Gwaine and Gwen, which he then denied after he got angry with you._ _Why would you even say something like that? It could be so different between the two of you if you actually stopped and think before you opened that stupid mouth. You obviously still have some feelings for Merlin, so why are you denying yourself?_

_Because it's easier! Because someday he will find someone else, someone who's better than me and he will then leave me. No, it's better to keep it purely sexual between us, so when he does leave me, it won't hurt as much. This has happened to me before, I got hurt before remember, whilst I was at university. I thought I had met the love of my life, only to find out that he cheated on me and said I was stupid to think that he ever had feelings for me. He soon then left me for that other guy. I hadn't realised how I felt for Merlin until I saw him kiss Gwaine, that hurt. I just can't go through that again, that's why I won't tell him._

_But you've seen the way he looks at you, it seems like he wants something more with you and not just sex. Not everyone is like that jerk from university, you can trust him, you can trust Merlin._

_I know I can trust Merlin but I don't deserve him, if he does feel the same way, then I have already been an arsehole and have hurt him. No, he deserves someone better, someone who isn't as fucked up emotionally like I am._

_Well if it's causing you this much pain, maybe you should stop sleeping with him?_

_I can't, there is just something about him, I can't leave him alone, as much as I want to. I like being around him, he's kind, thoughtful and so passionate. He also speaks his mind, although that can be annoying at times. Oh God what am I doing?_

_Just tell him!_

_No I can't-_

"Sir" Gwaine was sat in front of him and was shaking his shoulders, Arthur blinked several times as it brought him out of his self-destructive trance. "you okay? You looked as though you were about to breakdown and cry."

_Crying? What is he-_

Arthur wiped his cheeks and the tears that Gwaine had pointed out. "Yeah, I'm okay. Thank you for expressing your concern soldier." Gwaine frowned at Arthur.

"Soldier?" Gwaine scoffed. "Permission to speak freely Sir?" Arthur meekly nodded his head, he felt so vulnerable right now with Gwaine witnessing him crying slightly, he didn't have the energy to deny Gwaine's request.

"Well I think that's a lot of bullshit. What's going on really?" Arthur looked back at Gwaine, he was genuinely concerned for him, it surprised Arthur. 

"Nothing." Arthur mumbled into his sleeve, he couldn't look at people in the eye when he was lying "I am just really happy that Percy and Merlin are okay. I didn't want to lose such good soldiers, they are hard to find" Arthur deflected.

"I have never heard such an officer to become so emotional when it comes to his subordinates, most of them would brush it off as the consequence of war."

"Well maybe it's because of the adrenaline wearing off in my body" Arthur lied again, Gwaine just sat there for a couple of minutes.

"Well I think it's because you like him don't you?" he stated.

"What? Who? Merlin? No!" Arthur scoffed in attempt to sound offended and that the whole idea was ridiculous.

"I never said Merlin. I could have been talking about Percy, wouldn't blame you, with all those muscles he's got. Could make any woman or man go weak at the knees." Gwaine winked at him.

"Don't be absurd, I'm not keen on the muscley type." Arthur closed his mouth shut promptly when he realised what he'd just said.

"Aha, so you prefer men who have a lean frame." Gwaine was starting to goad him.

"Yes, I mean no I-" Arthur sighed deeply and buried his head into his hands.

_There's no point trying to deny it no, he's cotton onto me. I just hope he doesn't report me to the police._

"Hey, hey." Gwaine moved Arthur's hands away and lifted his head up "I ain't going to report you. I mean it be hypocritical of me if I did." 

Arthur gasped "what so you are a homosexual too?"

"Nah, I'm just kidding. I love the female curves too much, you know something to hold onto. But honestly I won't report you, I mean my brother, he's like you. I would be devastated if someone reported him and he ended up in jail just because he can't help who he loves."

"Oh thank you." Arthur sighed again but this time with relief.

"No problem, but we are getting slightly off track here. You like Merlin." 

"I-I-" 

"Oh, this makes so much sense now" Arthur looked him confused "why he sneaks off on evenings and sometimes over the weekend. He's with you. I thought he was being really keen with his fitness. That would also explain him looking so flustered and sweaty." Arthur blushed as Gwaine smirked at him like he had solved the World's biggest mystery.

"I don't know what you're on about. It's as you said, he's being really keen in keeping fit." Arthur didn't want Gwaine to know how he felt about Merlin, it could mean that Gwaine might tell Merlin and that would just complicate everything.

"You can deny it all you want, but I know what is going on between the pair of you." The mood in the room suddenly changed as Gwaine squared up to Arthur "Merlin is my friend and I care for my friends. He's been acting differently over the past few months, his smile has changed." Gwaine took a deep breath "if I find out you've hurt him, there will be me to deal with" he then poked Arthur in the chest. "And if something has happened between the two of you, sort it out Princess, I want the old Merlin back."

Before Arthur had the chance to defend himself, Gwaine stood up and promptly left the room, leaving Arthur rather stunned about what had just happened.


End file.
